


sink into me (sharpen your teeth)

by capra, chupacabra (butyoumight)



Series: vampires will never hurt you, darling [1]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Addiction, Blood Addiction, Bloodplay, Collars, Consensual Nonconsent, Control Kink, Cup of China 2014, Eugenics, M/M, Pain Kink, Poorly Negotiated Consent, Service Kink, collaring, content warnings include:, ethical objectification??, human euthanasia, if you can't grow your own codependency storebought is fine, mama hanyu goes on vacation, slavery as metaphor, slavery-based society, slippery slopes are great, soft anarchist vibes, supernatural coercion exists and is not usually used ethically, these tags are a disaster but i promise i tag carefully at each chapter, this is set in post-Sochi pre-PC, undisclosed drug usage, vampires are big earnest puppies, vore kink (kind of)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-06
Updated: 2020-04-17
Packaged: 2021-01-24 10:36:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 41,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21336859
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/capra/pseuds/capra, https://archiveofourown.org/users/butyoumight/pseuds/chupacabra
Summary: A fact of the world: vampires are an enslaved servant race, valued as less than human by most of society.  Nearly full-grown and not yet bonded to serve a human master, Nathan thought he'd never get a proper contract holder - he's old now, not cute or malleable like the more desirable, younger Domestic children. So even though his surprising new contract holder is a very odd duck, he's determined to be the best Domestic he possibly can be. This is probably his only chance.Yuzuru Hanyu doesn't buy into that bullshit about Vampires being sub-human. He thinks the concept of owning another sentient creature is barbaric, no matter how few people agree with him. But when violence against him increases after his Sochi gold medal, he's compelled to either contract with a vampire bodyguard Domestic, or stop skating. Yuzu decides to make the best of a bad situation and is determined that Nathan, his chosen V, is a real human being and should not be treated any differently than himself.They're the most unconventional bonded pair, with some serious differences of opinion between them. But the one thing they can both see eye to eye on is that they're not giving up on each other.
Relationships: Nathan Chen & Yuzuru Hanyu, Nathan Chen/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: vampires will never hurt you, darling [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1538134
Comments: 25
Kudos: 51
Collections: capra's NaNoPostMo 2019





	1. meeting mr hanyu

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to Chupacabra and Capra's Self-Indulgent Vampire AU #1!
> 
> (Yes, we have others.)
> 
> There's a lot of difficult and controversial content in this fic, and as we get deeper into the worldbuilding, more and more real-world lines and taboos will be crossed. The rating currently represents the mature themes of the narrative and of the alternate reality world it's set in, and the potential they have to upset readers. 
> 
> The tags cover more territory than is covered in the first two chapters, so that you can get a vague idea of where we're headed and decide whether it's a direction you want to explore.
> 
> Keeping in mind that fiction is an avenue by which we can explore those injustices about our real world that frustrate us, and that we'll carefully tag all content as it occurs, please come with us into this bloody, twisted, and yet somehow absurdly fluffy world.
> 
> Mind your fangs.

## chapter one: meeting mr hanyu

⚯

Nathan was tired.

Nathan always felt a little bit tired. Generally speaking, that was just kind of the way things were, for people like him. He'd heard rumors, back at the Home, that legally Emancipated Vs weren't tired all the time. They were smart, and thoughtful, and they weren't bonded to any humans and they lived on their own or with other EVs and they could eat as much as they want.

Which sounded like a lot of work to Nathan. He was a strange age among the others from the Home where he was raised, California's premiere  _ Naturally Mutated Vampire Growth and Training Home. _ Nathan was past the age of usual contraction; families on their way up in the world liked to start their Domestics young and get them well bound to their blood. Supposedly it lessened the chances of rebellion and demands for Emancipation.

The laws about his kind varied from country to country-- they were strictest in European countries, where people like Nathan were disposed of at delivery. Only those who belonged to old rich families, born from other Vs, bred for stability and loyalty, were legal in places like Russia. There was no such thing as EVs in Europe.

Nathan wasn't from Europe. He was from America, where there were a lot of EVs, and they had started banding together, preaching that Vs were people too, and that they deserved rights, and the continued use of Domestics in any context was slavery. Kind of extreme, Nathan thought, only on the other end of the spectrum.

At his age, Nathan had really just been waiting to age out of the home, where he'd be contracted instead to a corporation and become a night laborer like so many others like him-- just a natural mistake of evolution and genetics, creating a V out of what should have been a normal human child. He didn't know his human parents, or whether he had human siblings. He'd been taken from them at the hospital as soon as the doctors found out what he was. He wasn't sure if they'd been told he died, or if they knew the truth. He wondered, sometimes, but he never got much further than wondering.

In the end, it just meant that Nathan was too old to be the start of a new line for a family with new money, and too wild for a family that already had their servants well trained, and he'd been waiting since childhood to just reach his 20th year and get his corporate contract and enter his long adult life.

Instead, an odd request had come in, and Nathan had been chosen to fill it. So now he's traveling to Japan, of all places. Domestics weren't illegal in Japan, but they did have laws prohibiting things like bonding with a Domestic below a certain age, and breeding programs. Generally most of the labor jobs America used Domestics for, Japan had robots and machines for anyway.

“That's why they need someone your age,” Rafael had told him, as they waited to be allowed to board the airplane. Nathan had never been on an airplane; he'd barely been out of the Home. He was listening to Rafael, but he was also looking around, appreciating the new experience while he had a chance. “In Japan, you are just the right age to become a single person's, ah.” He paused, frowning.

“Housekeeper?” Nathan guessed.

Rafael's frown deepened. “Bodyguard, I think.”

Fair enough. Nathan shrugged, and looked around at the airplane entrance again. There were only a few more humans making their way through the line, so Rafael took a firm grasp on Nathan's elbow and led him up. Being unbonded, Nathan needed a special escort to fly, which was why Rafael was taking him all the way to Japan personally. Rafael could probably be Emancipated himself by now, but he liked running the Home. He was fond of saying,  _ when I was born, nearly every child like us was killed. Zip, just like that.  _ He said he liked to try to give them a life, even if it was heavily regulated.

Nathan slept through the entire flight, but he still felt tired once they'd arrived and were on their way to deliver him to his new... Owner? Keeper? Master? It wasn't clear. Since he hadn't met the man yet he wasn't sure how he'd prefer to be addressed. He hadn't fed since before they'd left the Home for the airport. It was procedure, he was told, designed to strengthen the bond between them from the start. But the time in-between left him feeling sluggish and kind of blank.

“Stand up straight.” Rafael said, as they waited for the apartment door to open. “He'll be your life now. You know?”

Yeah. Nathan knew.

⚯

Yuzuru wasn't really looking forward to this.

It wasn't his idea, in the first place. But his liaison at ANA had been very insistent. So after a few weeks of stubbornness, and one moderately alarming brush with a stalker fan, he conceded, specifying only one condition of his agreement:  _ he _ got to pick.

So when his apartment doorbell rang, Yuzuru knew who would be on the other side of it. Well,  _ what _ . The  _ who _ of Nathan Chen, newly assigned vampire bodyguard, Yuzuru still didn't know. His profile said a lot about him as a vampire, indeed as an object, and drew huge, lazy loops of silence around the parts of Nathan that Yuzuru actually wanted to know: what kind of person is he? what does he like? fear? want?

Ugh. Yuzuru  _ really _ didn't want this.

But Nathan didn't need to know that, and hopefully never would.

He opened his door with a smile.

"Hello. Please come in."

  
"Good afternoon," Rafael said, greeting him with a small bow. He had his hand still on Nathan's back, so Nathan bowed too. The human’s smile was a little disarming, enough so that Nathan actually met his gaze briefly. The smile on his lips didn't reach his dark eyes, though, and Nathan quickly looked down.

He'd greeted them with a broad enough invitation that they didn't have to wait for anything further before stepping inside, though Nathan still felt maybe like he was stepping through more than just an open threshold. Something about the apartment wasn't sure about them yet, he knew that much. 

The vampires stood in Yuzuru's living room, bowing gently in deference, uneasiness rolling off of them in waves that Yuzuru didn't need any heightened senses to detect, and Yuzuru realized for the first time that, compared to them, he really had no reason to be uneasy. He'd made his feelings _ very _ clear when his ANA liaison had mentioned, as casually as ordering a coffee, that Yuzuru could  _ return _ the new vampire after a few weeks if he didn't like 'it,' and could select a new one. 

Yuzuru was certain that there had been no misunderstanding, and that his instruction to dismiss entirely the possibility of returning Nathan, as if he was some kind of item, had been an order, not a request. But it did not appear that his ANA liaison had been as transparent with Rafael about the topic as Yuzuru had wanted. 

"A pleasure to meet you, sir." Rafael said quietly, with a tentative smile of his own. It would be financially difficult for him if Yuzuru Hanyu decided at this moment that he no longer wanted to take and keep Nathan. For people like them, paper contracts meant very little compared to the contracts of blood. 

"My name is Rafael. I work for the training home. I believe we spoke on the telephone." His hand on Nathan's back shifted slightly, pushing a bit, and Nathan took a step forward, looking up again. He was not quite ready to meet Yuzuru's gaze again, so he watched his mouth instead. "This is Nathan, as I am sure you know. He is rather small--" Nathan closed his eyes for a moment- why did that always have to be the first thing anyone said about him? "--But he is quite strong, and diligent. Very studious. He's always been a special favorite of mine. I think he will serve your needs very well." 

"Hello." Nathan said finally, still looking just past Yuzuru's eyes. "Thank you for having us."

"Thank you for bringing Nathan all this way," Yuzuru responded to Rafael, pushing aside his irritable mood and summoning genuine warmth into his eyes so that his next smile was less frigid than his first had been. None of this was the vampires' fault. And whether or not he wanted to, he held a crippling amount of power over these two strangers. His frustrations were his own, and not for him to burden others with.

"But please, just call me Hanyu," he corrected Rafael, smiling with shallow humor. "I'm certainly not old enough for 'sir.'"

Just wait until someone from ANA heard that Yuzuru had given two  _ vampires _ permission to omit the honorific, when even his longtime agents and manager didn't have that right, Yuzuru thought, with some vindictiveness. They'd be aghast and a bit hurt, and since this situation was their fault entirely, that seemed only fair.

  
"Of course," Rafael said, with a little smile that was actually genuine in its amusement this time. Nathan couldn't help it; he smiled too. Hanyu, huh. "We mean no disrespect, of course." 

"None taken," Yuzuru answered smoothly, his attention not on the conversation but on Rafael's and Nathan's body language. There was a lot being said without words between the pair, as well as individually, by each one's posture and level of tension. While only some of it was legible to Yuzuru's eye, all of it was data. With understanding of its significance or no, he watched it all, hoping to remember as much of it as possible.   
  
Yuzuru looked to Nathan next, inviting him to use the same form of address that he'd offered to Rafael. "And I'm quite small too, so that's one thing we already have in common."

"Would either of you like a glass of water? The weather is rather sweltering here at this time of year."

Hanyu turned his attention clearly onto Nathan, and Nathan reflexively found himself straightening his back, folding his hands behind himself, and even lifting his chin a bit. A pretty classic presentation pose, but something about Hanyu's gaze didn't feel quite as... interrogative as the examinations Nathan was used to in California. Nathan found himself smiling, not just to put on a show, but because Hanyu's words actually amused him. It wasn't until he offered them a drink that Nathan realized- or, remembered, more like- that a real smile like that would let the sharpness of his teeth show. As soon as he figured that out, his smile disappeared again. 

"Oh, no." Rafael answered Hanyu, turning to give Nathan a questioning look. Nathan shook his head, and looked away from both of them. Was starting a new contract always this awkward, or just in Japan? "We will be fine. I think, probably, we should simply move on. I am here of course, not just to accompany Nathan, but to answer any questions you may have?" He directed this at Hanyu, and Nathan took the redirection as an implied  _ at ease _ , letting his posture slacken just a bit again. He felt so  _ tired, _ and who knew how many questions Hanyu was likely to have. 

"About procedure of course, or about, ah, upkeep?" Rafael continued, spreading his hands. "Perhaps we should sit?"

"Upk-- Oh." Rafael's questions brought Yuzuru back down to earth. Not simply two new strangers for Yuzuru to observe and analyze, Rafael and Nathan stood in Yuzuru's apartment for a very specific purpose. Right. "Yes, of course."

Yuzuru chucked most of his concentration towards restraining any expression of his frustration as it swelled in his chest, tight and thick and irritating, making it hard to breathe. With the remainder, he invited Rafael and Nathan to choose seats on the soft couch and chairs around his coffee table. Once they were seated, he placed himself in the chair most evenly facing them both.

"Before you say anything further, Rafael, I want to make sure that my feelings as we enter this arrangement are extremely clear. My sponsor, ANA, has insisted upon the installation of a bodyguard in my life. Personally, I don't feel that my personal significance warrants this kind of precaution, but I've been quite firmly shouted down by the company. If I am to retain their sponsorship, I will have a bodyguard protecting me, and thus, protecting their investment."

"I personally chose Nathan from the selection of candidates offered to me. I am confident in my choice. While the gentleman from ANA may have led you to believe differently, I want to be very clear from the outset what my feelings are about taking Nathan on as my bodyguard."

He spoke with careful, intentional emphasis, and unwavering eye contact. "I will not send him away unless he does something that would be cause for  _ any kind  _ of person to be terminated from their employment." Yuzuru wrinkled his nose, clearly disgusted with the entire range of topics that made it necessary for this to even be specified.

Hanyu, Nathan is gathering, is clearly a little out of his depth here, and once he starts explaining the situation from his perspective, that makes a lot of sense. He obviously didn't want a bodyguard at all, and to be kind of threatened, in a way, into taking one on seemed a bit extreme, even to Nathan's limited world experience. 

Nathan leans forward in his seat a bit, about to ask something probably pretty artless, like  _ if you don't want a Domestic, why don't you just stop being sponsored by them _ ? when Yuzuru's eyes move to catch his as he says he's confident in his choice. Nathan sits back again, glancing at Rafael who looks a bit... Surprised, probably, by the passion with which Hanyu's taking this whole situation. 

"That is a relief to hear." Rafael says carefully, not wanting to cut Hanyu off if he has more to say. "I think, a relief to Nathan as well?" He glances at him, and Nathan is quick to nod his agreement. He's only heard the kind of third hand friend-of-a-friend-of-a-friend stories about how unpleasant it is to break a blood bond. Once he's bound to Hanyu, he has no intention of doing anything that would get him sent away. "I can return to America with confidence that Nathan will be in as good hands as you will be, in his. Yes?" 

He actually laughs a bit at that, and Nathan smiles again, lifting a hand almost reflexively to hide his teeth again. 

"That said, I know you have read the paperwork, but sometimes for new owners, it is nice to hear us explain what we need? Again, I am here to give answers you don't already have."

He pauses, looks at Nathan again. And, with a little tilt of his head, indicates for Nathan to speak for himself. Nervous, Nathan looks back to Hanyu again and swallows. "Or, uh. If you don't have any questions right now, we could just. Um, we could go ahead and do the bonding now, if you want." He doesn’t want to sound too eager... But he  _ is  _ hungry.   
  


Rafael adjusts well, and quickly. Yuzuru likes to see that. It's a good quality in anyone, but he's particularly pleased to see it in people with whom he's expected to interact. He feels people who adjust well have good character.

"You have nothing to worry about," Yuzuru reassures him. He smiles reassuringly, but it's the firm, simple nod that he makes which really conveys his intention. He doesn't do things halfway, and he recognizes that, contractually, he's going to be fully responsible for another human being after today. It's a responsibility he never wanted, but which he'll do his best to fulfill. 

Saying all of that in front of Nathan would feel rather too raw, and would be too easily misunderstood to mean that Yuzuru doesn't want Nathan to be here. Yuzuru doesn't want  _ any _ bodyguard. It's not a specific reluctance. And as it is true that Yuzuru picked Nathan, when confronted with the reality that he  _ had _ to pick  _ someone _ , it's actually quite far from the truth that Yuzuru doesn't want  _ Nathan  _ here.

So Yuzuru simply hopes that Rafael, who seems a sharp minded person, will understand sufficiently enough, and considers the topic closed.

"I would like to hear directly from you," Yuzuru says, directing his attention fully to Nathan now, "What you feel like are the most important things I should know. For - In order to properly care for you. I don't believe that anything I may have learned from research, or from the company, is a substitution for directly hearing from you what you will want and need from me in order to be healthy, and in order to be able to do your job correctly."

Yuzuru consciously and fully suppresses the impulse to lift one hand to cover his neck. Nathan definitely wouldn't appreciate such a show of reluctance from Yuzuru, regardless of the way he feels under the weight of Nathan's acutely examining gaze.

Hanyu just continues to be full of surprises, and again Nathan finds himself wondering if this is just what Japanese people are like, or if it's something specific about this person. His person, in a manner of speaking-- soon to be, anyway. 

He clears his throat, glancing at Rafael. He’s a bit self-conscious, maybe, but half the reason Rafael is even here to answer questions is because,  _ technically _ speaking, Nathan can lie to Hanyu at this point. Or, at least, he could mislead him, or withhold information. Not long from now, he won't be able to do that anymore- direct questions from his bond will require direct and truthful answers. But unbonded, he's about as close to 'wild' as it's possible to be, and for legal reasons, a bonded Domestic has to be available to impart necessary information. 

Not that Nathan would lie, or withhold anything. Why should he? What would he have to gain from it? 

Yuzuru doesn't make any particular gesture, but there's something about his posture that shifts... Almost infinitesimally, but Nathan can't help but catch it. He wets his lips, clears his throat, and very pointedly makes eye contact with the human.

"I will... happily walk you through the basics," he says, a bit cautiously. "Er. I don't require as much sleep as a human. I will adjust my schedule to yours, you don't need to worry about that. As far as, er, eating is concerned... I've always just had a cup a day. I'm quite sure I don't need any more than that." He pauses, realizing how that might sound. "Not from you, of course. Animal blood is fine. Usual, actually. Um." He glances at Rafael for help, furrowing his eyebrows concernedly. But Rafael just gives him another encouraging, silent tilt of the head, and Nathan sighs. "I don't think I have any particular preference, but I do better physically on mammal. Cow, or pig, usually? Poultry is fine, too, if you prefer that." 

He pauses again, considering, and then looks up. He's starting to think he's losing the thread of what he's saying. "Um. As for the, uh. The bond. It's created when I drink, um, your blood. Not much, though. Uh, clinically, I think they say it's maintained best with about ten milliliters a week?" 

"That is correct." Rafael confirms. "Ten milliliters is the same as a single vial, if you have recently had blood drawn for tests?" 

Nathan nods. "Um, so we can fit that in whenever you want. Weekly. You can choose a day, I mean." He tilts his head a little, looking up, noting that kind of tense posture again. "It doesn't have to be directly from you. I don't have to use my fangs."

Though timid at the start, Nathan's explanation is clear and efficient. Yuzuru's pleased, and a bit impressed. The conversation, though treading unfamiliar ground for Yuzuru, feels comfortably fluid. He's grateful for that.

Whenever Nathan pauses, Yuzuru rolls over what he's said so far, mentally checking for points he might need clarified. While he speaks, Yuzuru listens focusedly. So when Nathan - and Rafael - are finished speaking, Yuzuru is ready with his questions, neatly organized.

"Thank you. I have a few more questions. One, why would my preferences matter at all when selecting what kind of animal blood is healthiest for you? That's ridiculous. Let me know if you'd like to try something else, too, and I'll have it found for you. If it was me, I think eating the same thing every day would be very boring."

"Second. Creating the bond is what we will do today, correct? Does it require a greater volume of blood to create it than to maintain it? Is it a problem that I've had my morning medications already?"

"Third. Is ten milliliters the  _ best  _ volume for maintaining the bond, or is it simply the lowest effective dosage?"

"Fourth. Is the quality of the bond dependent on anything other than the chemical - or, I suppose, genetic? - quality of consuming my blood? Does the setting, environment, or company present affect its nature or its depth?"

"Fifth. Conditional upon the fourth: if the depth of the bond can be manipulated or adjusted by the way in which it's formed, or the way in which it's maintained, I'd like you to tell me what depth of bond you desire to form with me, and what setting would help to establish a bond of that level for you. Neither you nor I are doing this fully of our own free will, but you will be far more vulnerable to my whims or my needs than I to yours once it is done. So I insist that  _ what _ is done, is something that you and I agree upon together."

...Nathan can't imagine having that kind of focus. He has his own kind of focus, sure. He can pay a lot of attention to body language, and the way people move around each other, the sort of stuff he needs to be able to do to be good at his assigned tasks. But Hanyu clearly absorbs everything Nathan is saying, forms a series of questions as they speak, and then repeats them back without getting lost or hesitating hardly at all. Nathan would forgive himself for assuming Hanyu must be taking notes or something, but there's no way. 

He blinks, sitting back in his chair again, and shooting a bit of a weary grin at Rafael, who looks equally tired but more noticeably amused. Surely he has a lot more experience with this kind of stuff than Nathan does, but Hanyu also obviously still wants his answers to be coming from Nathan, so he tries really hard to remember the questions in the order they were asked. 

"Um, I didn't mean that you'd have a preference. It's not, like, well. It's not about whether it's healthy, I don't think." He shoots a glance at Rafael, who nods agreeably. "I think... I've heard that poultry blood provides greater, uh.... Mental acuity? As opposed to mammal blood provides more physical strength? But, I don't think it's ever been tested. I... Don't really have a preference, like I said. What we're allowed at the training home is kind of limited, so I haven't... Well. It doesn't really matter. I wouldn't worry about it." 

He clears his throat again, because that was... Almost the easy stuff, compared to some of the other questions and clarifications he was after. "Um, yeah, we'll do that, as soon as you're comfortable with it. I've... I mean, obviously I've never done it..?" He actually does defer to Rafael on this one, because he's been present at a lot of bondings, not to mention being in one of his own. 

"It does not have to be any more than the usual vial,” Rafael offers. “In the future, when maintaining, it can be mixed in to his usual meals, but for this, it's preferable to have it be taken straight, so to speak. To really... How to say, put the hooks in?" 

"To make it start off strong." Nathan tries to clarify. "Like, I'll bond harder to you, because it will be sort of. Direct and immediate and undiluted. You know? That's what they say. Or, what we do. I guess." 

Rafael nods, and makes another gesture, encouraging Nathan to continue. "Um, again, I don't know that they've really done a lot of experimenting with it. Ten is what works, and mostly people don't want to have that much blood drawn more than once a week, so. I mean, I don't even think it has to be fresh?"

"There are some estates in Europe, for example, where a family will all have full units drawn,” Rafael says. “Clinically, you understand. It is combined and frozen to maintain their bonds without having to take the time to do so weekly. This is not typical practice for smaller, more singular bonds like this one you two will have, but it is perfectly safe."

"Medication doesn't matter either." Nathan puts in, remembering that Yuzuru had mentioned something about that. "I mean, like, normal medications. Probably we shouldn't do any maintenance if you've been, like, drinking heavily the night before, but I think that's just... Well, that's kind of obvious. But like, regular medications that you take every day won't make a difference."

The way Yuzuru worded the last few questions was kind of... Not leading, really, but a bit more... Roundabout than Nathan was sure how to answer. He shakes his head slowly. "And about the, um, the way I take it… I didn't mean it would change anything. The blood is the thing. How it, um, how it's exchanged... Well, I mean, obviously, I drink it. But how it comes from you..." He laughs again, shaking his head. "No, it doesn't... Um, as far as I know, as far as anyone knows?" He turns to Rafael, who nods. "That doesn’t change anything. It won't be any different if we draw it with a syringe or if I, um. Bite you."

He wets his lips, and also catches himself reflexively tracing one fang with his tongue. "I just didn't want you to be uncomfortable. It's. I mean, it could come off as kind of intimate. And we've only just met."

Nathan's explanations are comprehensive enough that Yuzuru's curiosities are fully satisfied by the end of them. He doesn't agree with the assumptions indicated by many of those answers, but that's not an obstacle. What he needed was Nathan's own accounting of the basic ways in which he is to survive in his new life with Yuzuru. Those parts that Yuzuru finds archaic or insulting, obviously, will be the first to be changed. Knowing the essential core of each practice will allow Yuzuru to freely change the terms of their interaction to his taste, without worrying that he risks Nathan's wellbeing by doing so. And establishing all of this  _ before _ the bond is formed was the singular goal he set himself for the day.

Some measure of tension unspools out of Yuzuru's frame. Armed with information, he feels more in control, more calm and confident. And as his attention is briefly snagged by the flick of Nathan's tongue over his incisor, he makes an impulsive decision.

"I don't mind," Yuzuru says, tilting his head lightly to one side. If he seemed to subtly flex his pectoral on the opposite side, just to make the tendon of his neck stand out a bit more boldly, well, he's not going to admit it. "And I think we should begin this bond as we mean to continue it, by trusting one another."

He pauses briefly, then licks his lips and presses them together in thought. "Mmm, should I change into a shirt I don't mind getting stained?"

Nathan isn't quite sure how to handle the sudden change in posture Yuzuru presents him with. He shifts a bit, tilting his head, exposing a generous measure of pale throat. It's not like Nathan to be... distracted by that. But he is  _ really _ hungry, and this conversation has gone on longer than he thinks he was expecting it to. 

He looks to Rafael, maybe a little bit alarmed by this very suddenly suggestive action from Yuzuru, and he finds himself annoyed when he realizes that Rafael is laughing. Not in a mean way or anything, and probably not at Yuzuru at all. He's laughing at Nathan! 

Nathan draws his head down a little, lifting his shoulders, trying to make himself seem smaller. Or maybe disappear a little.

"No, no. Nathan is a very neat eater, aren't you, my boy?" Rafael says, still laughing a little. 

Nathan refuses to make eye contact with Rafael  _ or _ Yuzuru at this point. 

"I don't have to bite your neck," he says, maybe a little sulkily. "If you want me to bite you, your wrist will be fine."

Yuzuru slumps. He had  _ certainly _ not intended to be laughed at. If he had, the sense of humor might be refreshing, might help to warm the mood. Instead, as Rafael laughs and Nathan shirks away, Yuzuru feels foolish, naive, embarrassed. And worst of all -  _ rejected _ .

Without answering Nathan, Yuzuru stands, stiffly, and steps quickly out of the room. In the short hall between his sitting room and his bedroom, just out of sight from Nathan and Rafael's vantage point, Yuzuru ducks into the bathroom and closes the door behind himself. He presses his back to the closed door, tips his head back, and slowly, rhythmically, clenches and unclenches his fists. His nails dig small crescents into his palms as he measures his breathing to the deliberate speed of his fingers' movement. He ignores the stinging damp drops at the corners of his eyes, concentrating on the way his skin feels where the tears hover, waiting for them to evaporate and leave behind on his skin only a faint, familiar, salty tightness.

Anger won't help him. Frustration can wait. Embarrassment must be ignored, despite the acidic pit it's made out of his stomach.

He has to do this. For his sponsorship. Because he promised not to discard Nathan. Because discarding another human being is despicable to start with, and Yuzuru doesn't know what will happen to a vampire servant as old as Nathan is who's rejected by his attempted master. Do they euthanize in the States?

** _Fuck_ ** .

For his sponsorship. So that he can continue to skate. For the sake of everyone depending on him. His pride is a joyfully low price to pay.

In, out. In, out. He can do this. He can manage. He  _ will _ manage.

⚯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because the first scene was just too long, we're breaking it into two chapters. But instead of leaving you hanging with THAT anticipation, we're posting both at once :)
> 
> So if you feel like commenting on this one AND the next one that'd be kinda super duper awesome of you.


	2. the bite

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I... I hope you're going to keep me."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> much thanks to kssc for your encouragement and enthusiasm! flowershop is coming, i promise

## chapter two: the bite

⚯

_Oh. Oh, no._

Something went wrong, somehow, and Rafael's expression turns, first sour, and then stony. Nathan's seen that before. He's irritated- with himself, and with the situation they're now in. Laughter hadn't been the right choice, though Nathan's pretty sure Rafael didn't really  _ choose _ to laugh. He hadn't been making fun, not really, especially not of Yuzuru. 

But... Of course, he probably doesn't know that. Of course he doesn't know that. His experience with their kind of people is probably almost entirely from media, and Japanese media at that. Media, fictional media, has a bad habit of treating them like tragic romantic creatures, doomed to eat those they would like to befriend. That sort of nonsense. 

It wasn't really like that at all. Well, it probably  _ could _ be, but Nathan can't imagine drinking as much as five liters in one go, so the whole  _ they're demons who can drain people dry _ was already a huge leap of the fantastical. 

"I'm sorry." Rafael says quietly. "I did not mean to insult him. I will apologize, of course, before I leave." 

Nathan's not sure why he's bothering to tell him this. But he's also feeling... Petulant, and sulky, and most of all hungry. He had a kit in his pocket, for fuck's sake, a ten-mil syringe with a 3 gauge hypo and even a piece of cotton and a bandaid. He'd expected this to just be... 

Clinical. 

He hadn't meant to be insulting. Neither had Rafael. And the worst that can happen now, after all of this travel and talking, is that Yuzuru Hanyu can send them away. Back to America. Nathan's only a bit more than a year off from aging into a corporate contract. The worst that can happen, now, is what Nathan had always expected to be his future. 

But there's a possibility for _more._

Nathan's standing up before he even realizes what he's doing, tracing Hanyu's steps and the sensation of disturbed air he'd passed through. He has a distinctive scent- most humans do- and he'd been a bit flushed before he'd left anyway. He left a heat trail, if nothing else. 

He's behind a closed door, and Nathan tentatively rests his hand on the wood of the door. He can feel the heat of the human on the other side. 

"Mister Hanyu," he says, softly but hopefully loud enough to be heard through the door. "I'm sorry to have upset you. It's been a long few days for me, but that shouldn't excuse my behavior." He pauses, trying to think of... Not the right thing to say... But the most real, the most honest thing to say.

Yuzuru startles at the sound of Nathan's voice. He hadn't heard him coming at all. It must be a vampire thing. Or maybe Yuzuru is more distracted than he would like to admit.

Nathan's so close. He's not speaking very loudly, but Yuzuru can clearly hear him anyway. And the soft kindness in his voice does more to soothe Yuzuru's mounting stress than any breathing exercise possibly could.

Still, Yuzuru doesn't embarrass terribly gracefully, and he humiliates even less so. He's comforted to know that Nathan chased after him - it soothes the part of his ego that needs to be  _ noticed,  _ even by strangers - and also to hear Nathan's apology. Rafael's behavior, more than Nathan's, caused this, but Nathan's apology somehow soothes Yuzuru in a way that he doubts an apology from Rafael directly would. Which is, perhaps, another indication that Yuzuru's careful decision, his choice, had been a good one. He'd never have chosen Rafael as his bodyguard, even if he was far younger. The man's personality would never fit with Yuzuru's own.

Drifting in this comfortably unimportant train of thought, breathing with reassuring freedom as the tightness in his chest begins to dispel, Yuzuru is startled a second time when Nathan speaks again.    
"You know I am unbonded. I've never bitten a person before in my life. Honestly, I don't know what I'm doing any more than you know what I'm doing. I can't say I'd be happy to leave, but if you'd rather we go now..."   
The feeling in Yuzuru’s chest quickly turns to stubbornness.

Yuzuru turns, steps back a pace, and yanks open the bathroom door. Nathan, looking lost and a little off balance, is framed in the doorway. Moving on impulse, Yuzuru grabs Nathan by the forearm and tugs. He kicks the door closed again, and it bangs in its frame behind Nathan. Yuzuru lets go of his forearm and squares his stance. 

Nathan's not quite sure what he's expecting at this point, he's not even sure where his train of thought was going. He doesn't want to leave, but he will do so if he's told to. At this point, it's the best he can offer. But instead, the door he's got his hand against suddenly pulls away, and he gets just a glimpse of Yuzuru standing there with a stubborn expression that doesn't quite hide the slight redness and extra wetness around his eyes, before the human is grabbing his arm, dragging him into the tiny room, with an impressively graceful little kick, slamming the door behind him. 

Now they're very close together, but Nathan's back is already to the door, and there's not really a lot of room for Yuzuru to move away either, so he just meets the other man's gaze and holds it for a moment. 

He thinks about stepping back another pace, to put their faces further than thirty centimeters apart from each other, but the bathroom is small, and a step backward would have him tripping over the toilet or the bathtub.

Instead he holds Nathan's gaze and swallows, no performance, just honesty.

"I don't want you to leave. I meant what I said. I don't..." He shakes his head, touches Nathan's upper arm lightly, then remembers himself and pulls back. There's a charge in the air between them and Yuzuru can't stop glancing down at Nathan's fangs.

"That was embarrassing, but I haven't changed my mind,” Yuzuru says. “Do we have to have a witness? Does it count if it's private?"

Yuzuru’s eyes keep flicking down. Nathan checks with his tongue, and sure enough, his fangs have dropped slightly. They're more prominent now, as much a reflex as a human's mouth would water if they hadn't eaten in a few days and then were presented with food. 

"We didn't mean to embarrass you." Nathan says again, because it's the truth and if nothing else he's noticed that Hanyu appreciates honesty. 

His questions are... Kind of endearing, in a way. Nathan shakes his head slowly, and then tentatively reaches out to take Yuzuru's hand, lifting it and turning his hand over to expose the pulse at his wrist. "No, there doesn't have to be a witness," he says, voice soft. "Rafael stayed to answer questions, because without a bond, I could have lied to you. I wouldn't have, because I don't have anything to gain from it, and quite a lot I think to lose. But from this point on... Yes, it counts."    
Yuzuru swallows. "...Let's do it now.”

As soon as that’s said, it seems, permission is granted, and Yuzuru watches as Nathan is set into motion.   
Nathan bends a bit at the waist, ducks his head, and lifts Yuzuru's arm in the same motion. Lips against his pulse, he closes his eyes. No, he's never done this before. But he knows the theory, and what there is to know about the biology. He's careful to run his tongue behind his teeth before he sweeps it over the place where he can feel Yuzuru's blood flowing beneath the surface. His saliva contains a simple analgesic that will numb the pain of his fangs cutting into his skin. That done, he sinks his fangs in, finding the vein instinctively. Once it's open, he closes his mouth over the small wound. He doesn't suck- it isn't necessary. The natural flow of blood beats across his tongue, and after a long moment, Nathan realizes he's making a sound. A kind of contented hum. Well, that's weird. 

He keeps his mouth closed over the opening as he fumbles at his pocket to pull out the kit, letting the syringe fall to the floor as he grasps the cotton instead. He really should have thought this through before he just went for it, but it's a little late now. 

Replacing his tongue with the square of gauze, he blinks a few times, and uses his grip to lift Yuzuru's wrist above his pulse line. 

" _ Oh. _ " His sense of Yuzuru had already been plenty strong. He was the only human in the apartment, for one thing, and Nathan had been... really hungry. But this... This is different. He feels certain now that Yuzuru could walk away, leave the building, leave the  _ city _ , and Nathan would unerringly know where and how to find him. 

He traces his tongue over his fangs again, concentrating to retract them back to their natural resting position. Licks his lips to clean any stray trace of blood. "I see."

At some point in there, Yuzuru realizes, he must have stumbled to the side. He's resting against the wall-mounted towel rack now, and the terrycloth against his cheek is a rough counterpoint to the soft, wet, smooth feelings of Nathan's tongue and lips. And his fingers - smooth, strong.

Yuzuru's heart is beating faster, and suddenly he understands what Nathan meant when he said that this can be...Intimate. He's lightheaded, but definitely not from blood loss - Yuzuru did his research once the decision to get him a vampire had been made. He memorized the effects of blood loss at various levels common to being fed from.

Still, he feels lightheaded. The room feels brighter than it did, and Yuzuru realizes his pupils are blown out. Weird. Was that a side effect of the bite?

Nathan is looking at him with a somewhat stunned expression, gently pressing the gauze to Yuzuru's wrist, and licking Yuzuru's blood off his lips neatly.  _ Completely **un**like a cat with cream - they get it all over their whiskers,  _ Yuzuru thinks wildly.

Yuzuru kind of means to look at his wrist, where Nathan bit him, but he is having trouble doing so for more than a second or so at a time. He just keeps studying Nathan's face, the shallow furrow of his brow, the way his lips are kind of twisted on one side like he's mulling over a thought that perhaps frustrates him? Confuses him?

Yuzuru can relate.

The whole process took only a few seconds. It was over almost before Yuzuru realized.

He doesn't consciously decide to speak, just finds himself doing so:

"You... didn't take enough."

Nathan isn't quite sure when he stepped closer, bringing Yuzuru's arm up between them and keeping the gauze held against the small wound on his wrist, resting it against Nathan's shoulder so he doesn't have to strain too much. Nathan's free arm had found its way around Yuzuru's waist at some point, and for a few moments they’re still together, both just kind of... settling into the feeling of the bond. Well, Nathan wonders, maybe? Can Yuzuru feel the bond the way Nathan can? He's not sure. Clinical documents don't talk about these things from the human perspective; usually. Nathan's focus had always been on what it would be like for him. He realizes just how close they are when Yuzuru inhales-- a shaky ragged breath-- and his chest brushes against Nathan's. 

Nathan blinks at him for a good solid ten or fifteen seconds before he catches himself biting back a laugh. Laughter-- not necessarily a good response, as he's learned well enough already. But he does smile. 

"I... I definitely did. Take enough. Trust me. I can. Um, I can feel it. The bond. I don't know if you can feel it. But I can. I took enough."

Yuzuru exhales again, shakily, and shifts his weight onto his closer foot, toward Nathan. They're touching, not intimately but closely, and Yuzuru inhales deeply through his nose, seeking Nathan's scent. Cologne? The scent of clean skin? It will become a palette as well known to him as his own, Yuzuru realizes. The severity - the  _ permanence _ \- of this is sinking in, and distantly, Yuzuru thinks he should be more freaked out. Possibly he will be, when the adrenaline and endorphins wear off. But he can't see why he should care about that right now.

Nathan bites down his laugh, which Yuzuru appreciates, and then disagrees, which Yuzuru doesn't appreciate. He doesn't want to begin this relationship with coercion or force, but he's nearly  _ vibrating _ with frustration and a need to experience the bite again. Pay better attention this time. Take more in. Understand it better.  _ Feel  _ it more.

Yuzuru lifts his free hand and cups it around the back of Nathan's skull. He pulls his bitten wrist back, wanting it free of Nathan's grip, wanting the gauze to fall. He holds Nathan's gaze and repeats himself, pierced wrist uplifted just a few centimeters from Nathan's cheek.

It's a step out over the abyss, a gambit into completely uncharted territory between them, and almost definitely a gross misuse of the influence he has over Nathan, the influence that’s scant seconds old, codified by Yuzuru's blood that's still cooling on Nathan's tongue. But Yuzuru  _ craves _ , and he's never seen the sense in denying himself any of his desires.

"I  _ said  _ you didn't take enough. I  _ said  _ I want you to take **more**."

⚯

Nathan can feel it, almost before... No,  _ definitely  _ before Yuzuru even speaks. He's going to tell him to do something, and Nathan's going to do it.  _ Wanting  _ and  _ not wanting _ no longer factor into the equation. Nathan's a little lightheaded himself-- he was tired after two days of fasting, and his first taste of human blood in his nearly nineteen years of life has been... Good.  _ Really  _ good. Rich, and personable, and light, and... 

He blinks, reflexively letting his head rock back into the cup of Yuzuru's hand. At the slightest insinuation of a tug, Nathan's reflexively releasing his grip on Yuzuru's opened wrist, letting him pull it away. Letting the gauze fall. Nathan's hand, no longer gripping it, snaps down to catch the gauze before it can fall too far. He closes his fingers around it, feels the cooling wet spot of blood against his palm. 

"E-enough might not be the best word for it." Nathan stammers out, but by the time he's halfway through the sentence, the scent and essence of Yuzuru is heavy on the air, and Nathan's fangs are heavy on his lower lip. He lisps his way through the end of his protest, even as the order crawls through him. Down his throat and across his shoulders and through every tendon of him.  _ Take more _ . 

Rafael wasn't wrong. Nathan is a fastidiously neat eater. He's careful to keep his fangs well back. He doesn't need to open the wound any more than it already is. He merely tilts his head in, closes his lips over Yuzuru's pulse again. 

And this time, he sucks at the wound, carefully, instinctively, drawing more than the natural flow.

Nathan's body language  _ changes _ . It's subtle for a moment, as he goes pliable in Yuzuru's hands. Then Yuzuru instructs him -  _ orders _ him, fuck - and Nathan's stammering hesitance just...evaporates. He bends his lips to Yuzuru's wrist, lips pursed almost in a kiss, and seals them against the slow-bleeding wound. His tongue flicks against it, only briefly, and then he starts  _ sucking _ .

Yuzuru's knees very nearly give out.

He's got no frame of reference for something like this. No experience he's had could have prepared him for this, and he can't find a word in any language in his vocabulary that describes it, this whole-body physical experience of being fed from. It's not sexual, not romantic. The movies have that part all wrong. But neither is it purely a platonic pleasure, or a cerebral one. It's making his whole skin feel too tight, tingling and crawling from the soles of his feet to the top of his scalp. He's at a complete loss.

Yuzuru forces his eyes open, then forces them to focus. Willpower holds that gaze open, and trains it on the bow-curve crescent of Nathan's lips sealed against Yuzuru's skin.

"Drink a full meal," he murmurs, barely able to concentrate hard enough to form the words. "A cup. That will satisfy me."

He's done the research. In case of emergency, if feeding his vampire would give them the strength to escape a difficult situation, or to protect him, Yuzuru would naturally have needed to know how much was safe to give.

Eight ounces.

He eats extremely well, rich in iron. He's been taking supplements since the contract went through a month ago.

Yuzuru watches Nathan's lashes flutter over his cheekbones as he drinks. Yuzuru's mouth falls open in a soft 'o' and he inhales carefully, keeping his breaths steady, regular, deep.

Nathan doesn't open his eyes. He doesn't have to. All of his other senses are blown wide open right now, but with an incredible laser pin-point focus. Everything that Yuzuru  _ is  _ fills the entirety of Nathan's mind and body; he doesn't need to see him for this.

He's never experienced this. He's never fed on live blood before. Not even animal blood. It's so much more that he expected. Full of a particular energy that he never could have anticipated, never could have understood until he experienced it. 

And now... gods willing, he'll get to have a little bit more of it, every couple of days. 

He thinks he understands now, the scary urban legends about how bad it can be to break a bond. There's a kernel of truth in them, there has to be. The idea, just crossing his mind fleetingly, of being taken from Yuzuru now, and forced to let the shape of him fade away... It's intolerable. 

Nathan falls into a comfortable rhythm. A gentle drawing, hollowing his cheeks and pulling an extra flow of blood into his mouth. Letting his mouth fill, and then pressing his tongue to the wound again to stop the flow while he swallows. 

He's not sure he even really hears the order Yuzuru places upon him. But he  _ knows _ it, in his bones. Each solid mouthful is nearly an ounce. It still doesn't take long, but Nathan's glad Yuzuru gave him an explicit place to stop. He can't imagine drinking enough to put Yuzuru in danger, but he also can't imagine drinking much more than this, already. The energy, power, and... commitment, is so much. 

Nathan passes his tongue carefully over Yuzuru's wrist again. Cleaning the remnants of blood away. With a shaky gasp of his own, he pulls his mouth away from Yuzuru's wrist, and brings the gauze up to cover the site once more. It's probably not the most sanitary thing to do, but he's not quite sure what else  _ to _ do. He opens his eyes then, looks up to meet Yuzuru's gaze. 

"I... I hope you're going to keep me."

Nathan's lips smack softly when he finally pulls away. Hands sure and steady, as if nothing significant had just happened, he presses the gauze to Yuzuru's pulse. Spreads and shifts his palm where it rests on the small of Yuzuru's back. Looks up at him, gaze open and guileless and so, so straightforward. Not just honest, but unguardedly so.

Yuzuru would like to respond to Nathan's hope calmly, with the confidence of a leader that he is most comfortable displaying. He'd like to confidently reassure Nathan, maybe even laugh softly, to really convey how absurd he finds any  _ other _ course of action.

Instead, his legs, strong as they are, finally give out. Quaking, Yuzuru tips over onto Nathan, pouring his full body weight onto him. Chin hooked over Nathan's shoulder, eyes sliding shut, Yuzuru listens to the swell of Nathan's breath in his chest, pressed against his own, and feels gratitude for the incredible strength that Nathan's nature gives him. Falling and hitting his head on the towel rack or the floor or something would be inconvenient as all hell, and utterly embarrassing too.

"N-next time, we should do this sitting down," Yuzuru murmurs, once he finds he's caught his breath. Kind of surprising, honestly - it felt for a moment like he might not ever again. His voice is hushed and awed, but fully cogent, even as his body's currently failing to be quite as coherent as his mind is.

"That was... Nathan, that was..." Yuzuru wraps his arms around Nathan and squeezes tight, words failing him. "Wow."

Nathan has never felt stronger in his life. He doesn't feel tired at all anymore, and he spares only a fleeting moment of thought to how long that's likely to last before he pushes the thought aside to focus on Yuzuru as his weight sags against Nathan completely. Why worry about the inevitable ebb of this power, when he should be enjoying it while it lasts?

He shifts his grip around Yuzuru's waist slightly so he's supporting him in a way he hopes is comfortable. After a moment of letting Yuzuru catch his breath, he uses his grip on Yuzuru's wounded wrist to direct him to hold the gauze himself with his free hand. That done, it frees both of Nathan's, and with scarcely a thought, he shifts his grip again, using his now free hand to sweep beneath Yuzuru's knees, and just like that, he's carrying Yuzuru in what they call bridal style. 

He grins to himself at the thought, and then laughs a little, too, because... why not? He feels a little bit wild, and strangely... Hopeful. It’s a heady sensation.

If this is what having a bond is like, a proper bond with one person... He's really glad he was around to be chosen for this. 

"Next time we'll sit." Nathan assures him, though he's not entirely sure he's going to let Yuzuru get away with forcing him to take more than he absolutely needs. 

Huh. That's something that none of the literature ever covered. How far did the bond extend, if for example Yuzuru ordered Nathan to do something that could hurt him? Yuzuru's protection was his utmost priority, but that went hand-in-hand with Yuzuru's desires. 

Well. Hopefully it wouldn't ever come to that.

"Are you alright? Can you stand again? We should probably go back out. You need to excuse Raf. He won't leave until you tell him he can."

"Give me a moment." Yuzuru turns his head, brow resting on Nathan's temple, and focuses on drawing smooth, regular breaths. "It's not because of the blood. That was just..." He swallows, searching for the right words, but they won't come, and he gives up rather than continue fumbling.

"Of course." Nathan says, though it's not really an order, it's still the sort of thing that sounds like it requires response. Not necessarily from just anyone, but from this person... Nathan wants to respond. 

"You probably felt something even more intense," Yuzuru says, knowing it's lame as he says it. "They - the internet suggested I should use a needle, so the process wouldn't affect me. So I could remain--" He gulps, scrunches his nose in disgust. "I didn't think that sounded fair at all. If you have to feel it, then I wanted to, too."

Yuzuru shivers, tension finally releasing and shaking its way out from under his skin, down his limbs and away. Nathan's right. They had better move. And in just another moment, Yuzuru's confident he'll be able to do so steadily on his own power.

Nathan finds himself taking slow, careful breaths in rhythm with Yuzuru, and he realizes he's not sure whether he started that for Yuzuru to follow, or whether he's mimicking the human's attempts to straighten his mind out. Either way, there's a sense of... _ oneness  _ between them now, that Nathan's not sure he's ever going to get bored of. 

"Maybe I did," he says softly. "I don't know. I feel... I feel the bond. But the act of drinking... It felt more like a reflex, an instinct, than anything else. It's... Not like that, drinking from a glass or a bag, I can tell you that." He lets out a little one-note laugh, and in the same moment gives Yuzuru a little extra squeeze with the arm around his back. 

"Probably we shouldn't get in the habit of it, though. You're an athlete. Right?"

Yuzuru presses his lips together. "So?" He's already made up his mind. "You can eat your meals however you like. This...you need this only once a week, right? It will be fine."

"Thank you," Nathan says, honestly relieved. Yuzuru had been so insistent about this happening this way. About his part in it. Nathan genuinely wasn't sure if Yuzuru was about to start bringing in live animals for Nathan to feed off of, too. He doesn't need or want any part in  _ that _ . 

"But... Not this much," he reminds Yuzuru, tentatively. He doesn't want it to turn into an argument-- an argument he's physically incapable of winning— but he's not stupid, and he knows Yuzuru isn't either, and he doesn't want his new master's obvious stubborn streak to put him in danger. Any kind of danger, even the little stuff. "Not this much every time." 

Shaky still, but feeling stubborn now, Yuzuru steps down from Nathan's hold, one leg at a time. He keeps a hand on Nathan's shoulder to steady himself for a moment after getting his feet back under him, but lets go as quickly as he feels relatively confident he won't sway any more.

"Okay." Yuzuru nods at the door, which Nathan's closer to. Nathan can lead, and Yuzuru will follow. They'll talk to Rafael, send him along, and then...

Well, a nap might be in order, at that point. But first, his guest.

_ Their _ guest.

⚯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, how are we all doing? Excited? Freaked? Pissed? 
> 
> Don't worry, there's _so_ much more to come.
> 
> Let us know in the comments.


	3. morality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Yuzuru. If I can call you that. I think what you need to understand is that I wasn't hired. I was _bought._"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> welcome back! this chapter contains a lot of worldbuilding.
> 
> thanks to cupcake for title help, grouch for constant encouragement, and as always to my chupa, without whom this would never have been conceived of, much less accomplished.

## chapter three: morality  
  


⚯  
  


There’s stillness in the small bathroom of Yuzuru’s apartment. Shaky still, from both the experience and the consequences of being fed from, Yuzuru steps down from Nathan's hold, one leg at a time, feeling both stubborn and motivated.  
  
_ The deed’s done. Now for the consequences. _  
  
Yuzuru leaves one hand on Nathan's shoulder to steady himself after getting his feet back under him, but lets go as quickly as he feels relatively confident he won't sway any more. Nathan lets his hand rest on Yuzuru's back for a few moments longer than that, letting Yuzuru be the first to pull away and prove his stability. Yuzuru nods to the door and Nathan turns to open it, but when he steps into the hallway, he moves out of the way, stepping to one side of the doorway so Yuzuru can lead rather than taking the lead himself. This is still Yuzuru’s home. Maybe it's Nathan's now too, but he's still new.

And... Well. More importantly, he isn't the human.

Rafael is waiting patiently, exactly where Nathan left him, hands folded in his lap. He looks up as they come in, and his eyes find the gauze at Yuzuru's wrist immediately. The look he gives Nathan then is surprisingly stern, and Nathan bites his lip, wincing a bit. He should have bandaged the wound, obviously. It will heal faster than a normal cut like it, another benefit of the unique properties of vampiric saliva. But it should still be bandaged.

"We did it," he says, a bit artlessly. "We're bonded, now."

Rafael's sharp gaze earns a sharper one from Yuzuru, and as Nathan explains himself to Rafael - rather unnecessary, Yuzuru imagines, given that he probably reeks of fresh blood because of his wound - Yuzuru reclaims his seat primly. He crosses his wrists in his lap, left one turned over to deliberately display the gauze.

_ You judge him, you judge me _, his glare says.

Nathan looks around for a minute, as Yuzuru takes a seat, and he catches the exchange of expressions between the man who more or less raised him from childhood, and the man who is now as much his life as his own is. 

"My fault. I got caught up in the moment," he says to Rafael, and then he turns to Yuzuru. "I should have made sure we bandaged your wrist properly," he says, trying to explain Rafael's displeasure. Things that seem obvious to them are not so much to Yuzuru. "I will, shortly. Or now, if you'd prefer."

"Ah, we will," Yuzuru says, patiently, "but as my apartment is quite clean, and well stocked with antiseptics and medical supplies, I think there's little danger in leaving it incompletely attended-to for long enough to return to my duties as host, which I have neglected."

"You seem to be a good fit for each other, already," Rafael says carefully, his eyes on Nathan. Nathan hadn't quite realized he was drifting to Yuzuru's side until he finds himself standing attentively beside Yuzuru's chair. Close and available.

Yuzuru isn't impressed.

"Rafael, I apologise for leaving so abruptly," he says. His smile and tone of voice are light, respectfully apologetic, and delicately insincere. "I think in America, I might not fit in well at all. I don't have the right constitution for being laughed at."

Nathan can hear the insincerity in Yuzuru's voice and his entire manner, and he closes his eyes, letting out a little nervous breath. 

Rafael ducks his head, in a way he hopes is respectful. "I apologize for my indelicacy," he says, and for every inch of dismissive attitude Yuzuru is presenting, everything Rafael is saying is purely honest. Nathan can tell, but he's not sure Yuzuru will be able to tell. Or care. Still, Rafael doesn't really have a choice. He isn't bonded to Yuzuru, but he is bound by certain rules of their kind. It isn't just that he won't leave until Yuzuru asks him to. He _ can't _. "I did not mean to insult you. Anything I can do to make the insult up to you, please allow me to do." 

Nathan catches himself moving his hand automatically and redirects the impulse, choosing to place it on the back of Yuzuru's chair instead of where it wants to rest, on Yuzuru’s shoulder. "He wasn't laughing at you," he clarifies, because Rafael's not about to disagree with Yuzuru like that. But it's Nathan's duty now to make sure Yuzuru isn't hurt. That means emotionally, too. "He was laughing at me. Or, I think, more likely, at the situation. To our kind, I'm quite young, but I'm kind of old, too. Sheltered. You didn't do anything funny. But the way _ I _ reacted to the way you were reacting to me, I think, is what was funny."

Neither Nathan's nor Rafael's explanations soothe Yuzuru's wounded pride much at all, but he's also not married to his offense so much that he can't see the sincerity in both. Rather than linger in his offense, Yuzuru turns the focus of the conversation, softening his body language and his speech, to accept the others' explanations without too much fuss.

"An apology is plenty, thank you," he tells Rafael, aware of a movement from Nathan just out of his field of vision. He's not used to having someone that close and behind him; it holds his attention as the conversation continues.

"Rafael, before you go, is there anything else that I should know, that might make Nathan's transition to living here easier?"

Yuzuru still seems tense, but maybe Nathan's just overly sensitive to him right now. He's tired, he's already admitted that, and losing that much blood that quickly in any context requires rest and fluid replenishment. But, first things first.

"No," Rafael says, tentative but agreeable enough. "I think now, anything you need to know, Nathan will tell you for himself. Yes?"

Nathan nods, and then says, "Yeah, of course. I, um. I think I can handle it from here."

Yuzuru turns in his seat, looking to Nathan briefly, then back toward Rafael. The elder man seems on edge, but not aggressively so. Yuzuru remembers what Nathan told him, about permissions, and sighs. He thinks he'll always hate this part the most.

"You may leave whenever you like, Rafael," he says, careful to phrase the permission with direct, frank syntax that feels intensely impolite to his Japanese sensibilities. "I appreciate you bringing Nathan all this way, and I know you must be tired. Do you have accommodations arranged for tonight?"

Nathan can't really help the look he exchanges with Rafael at the way Yuzuru excuses him. Again he finds himself wondering just what he's gotten into here. Are all Japanese people like this, or is Yuzuru just an odd duck? He knows Domestics aren't hugely common in Japan but it still seems weird, the almost aggressive insistence with which Yuzuru speaks to them like they're equals to him somehow. 

"Thank you," Rafael says at last, moving immediately to stand up. "For welcoming us both here, and for your concern. I will be fine. My flight home has already been arranged for later this evening. I will take my leave now. I am glad to see that Nathan will be in good hands." He adds the last part almost as an afterthought. To anyone else, it's the exact opposite of what would be proper to say. He should be leaving with some reassurance that the human would be well taken care of by Nathan, but _ this _ human... 

"I'll walk you to the door?" Nathan says suddenly. Somehow, throughout all of this, he'd forgotten that Rafael leaving meant he'd be alone, and that he himself would be unlikely to see anyone from his old life ever again. He always vaguely expected that to happen, eventually - it's how he was raised. But... he's going to miss his old home, a little. 

At the foyer, he waits for Rafael to put his shoes on, and then impulsively grabs the older man and hugs him. "Thank you for bringing me." 

Rafael gives him a little teasing shake as he pushes him back to arm's length, and gives him a soft little smile. "I know I am bad at many things, but I hope you know that I am happy for you not to have ended up in a corporate contract. You deserve this kind of life. Take good care of him, and I think he will take good care of you, too. Be careful. Do your best." And, stepping out the door, "Good-bye, Nathan. I will miss you too."

Yuzuru remains seated when Rafael moves to the door, and Nathan follows to see him out. Normally, as host, Yuzuru would attend to his guest to the door, until he left, but Nathan lives here now too, and certainly seeing Rafael out is something Nathan should do. It allows them both a bit of privacy to say their goodbyes. 

Yuzuru can't imagine being separated from his family like Nathan's about to be. His mother is always near him, following and supporting his career as it crosses the globe, and the stabilizing influence that her presence has on his life, the anchor of 'home' that stays with him wherever he goes, is something he could never fully describe in words. To be without that, and so suddenly, would be terrifying. Yet Nathan, after a brief hug, watches Rafael walk out of his life, and seems simply... thoughtful, full of quiet acceptance. It boggles the mind.

In case Nathan needs a moment or so to compose himself after the door closes behind Rafael, Yuzuru busies himself with examining his left wrist, and the bite mark there. 

From the point that he accepted this - being assigned a vampire caretaker - Yuzuru had immediately begun planning and researching, collating information and carefully calculating how he would shape the reality of that arrangement. He had discarded out of hand most of the advice he found online, finding it demeaning at best, outright racist and castelike at worst. The fact that most of the rest of the world agreed upon how a vampire servant was to be handled had absolutely no pertinence in Yuzuru's mind. He disagreed, and so he'd do things differently. His way. And that's all there was to it.

He'd shared his plans with his family, as well as with Brian, Tracy, and Kikuchi-san. Even Javier. All of them advised him, some offering caution, others encouragement. By the end of the search process, when Nathan had been selected, vetted, and confirmed as his selection, Yuzuru had his plan in place. He'd run over all the details of it in his mind countless times, applying himself to visualization exercises of this new fundamental change in his lifestyle as assiduously as he practiced visualizations of his routines.

He was ready. He knew what to expect. He had been so eager to watch it all go according to plan.

He stroked the bite mark with his thumb, biting his own lower lip, heart thudding heavily. According to plan.

Right.

_ Nathan's teeth cutting his skin like sweetly wielded weapons; his soft lips on his wrist, his tongue flicking the subtle raised track of Yuzuru's vein; his hands and arms holding Yuzuru's wrist, around his waist, behind his neck, on his back, holding him up, holding him in protection - or in thrall. _

It had been his plan to have Nathan bite him, not use a syringe, because there's sanitary and then there's _ clinical_, and nothing about accepting Nathan into his life was going to be depersonalized, shameful or distasteful to Yuzuru. He wouldn't allow it, in his own mind or in Nathan's, and so he'd resolved to make their first bite, their first bond, a personal one. To open himself to Nathan as much as the vampire was required to bare himself to Yuzuru, and on their first meeting no less.

_ Teeth stroking his skin. Nathan's softly throaty moan of pleasure. The pursed kiss of his lips, tongue lapping and pressing. The gulp of his throat as he swallowed Yuzuru down. _

Yuzuru's neck and ears flushed pink.

_ Throbbing adrenaline as his blood departed, muscles clenching from scalp to instep, so deep and primal a feeling his body possessed no language to comprehend it. _ _Neurons misfiring in overwhelmed confusion - is this sexual? Is this fatal? _ _Neither. _ _His own suspicion that he must have made a noise of his own, but what it was, he couldn't say, nor recall. _

**That** had not been part of the plan.

⚯

Nathan's life had always been shaped by what he _ was_. Born in America to human parents, but naturally mutated into being a vampire... Well, it was what it was. Had he been born in Russia, or the Ukraine, or any one of a number of other countries, he would have been disposed of as soon as his nature was recognized. In America, instead he became a part of a system that created servants with preternatural strengths and loyalties to their... Owners. 

Nathan didn't _ really _ think of anyone else at the home where he'd spent the beginning of his life as _ family_. None of them did, not in so many words, because doing so was setting yourself up for pain and upset when you were inevitably parted. Any natural mutation that reached 20 years old in America without having been bought and bonded was contracted into a corporate bond. That was just... How it was. 

So he watches Rafael leave not as he would watch the departure of a father, though Rafael was probably the closest thing he'd ever had to one, but as an inevitability. Especially now, as Yuzuru's blood continued to thrum through him, attaching every nerve and sinew of Nathan's existence to Yuzuru's blood and DNA in ways that hadn't yet been scientifically explained.

It didn't really matter. Nathan's life is moving on. Yuzuru _ is _ his life, now.

That thought done, he closes the door and turns around to return to the living room. Yuzuru is sitting there, looking at his own wrist, his ambient temperature a little higher than is completely average for a calm, healthy human. He's definitely not ill - Nathan would have noticed a fever the moment he walked into the room, never mind once he tasted his blood. So he's flustered in an emotional way, probably.

Nathan clears his throat. "We really should bandage that."

"Oh!" Yuzuru's head snaps up, right hand covering his left wrist reflexively. He'd been so deep in thought... 

"Oh. Sorry. I'm used to living alone." He laughs, squeaky and sheepish, and lets the startlement explain away his increased heart rate, his flushed face. He sits back in his chair, hand to his chest, looking apologetic. "You're right. The things are in the, um, bathroom, in the cupboard behind the mirror." He frowns, not sure whether a direct command is necessary to give Nathan the ability (permission?) to open a cupboard. (Stupid. The whole system is _ stupid _.) He smiles, sunny, forcing himself to feel ease. "Please go fetch them and I'll be good and let you clean me up."

Nathan waits: not because he has to, but because he wants Yuzuru to figure things out for himself if he can. This is new for both of them, but they each have a set of knowledge that may or may not line up with reality. Obviously Yuzuru's done research, but how much research was really available? Nathan has second-hand accounts from other people like him, but he's learned really quickly how little that can actually explain how this really _ feels._

And, partly he's waiting because Yuzuru's still talking, and maybe it's a function of Yuzuru's blood in his body, but he _ likes _ listening to him talk, even if it is a bit of a ramble, a bit sheepish, a bit awkward. 

"Alright," Nathan says, giving him a purposefully happy smile of his own. He goes to the bathroom, finds the stuff he needs, and returns to Yuzuru in his chair. He's not really thinking about how it might feel for Yuzuru when he kneels at his feet, sets his handful of bandaging supplies on the floor, and holds his hands out for Yuzuru's wounded arm. 

"You know. I think maybe you weren't really comfortable asking Raf as many questions as maybe you wanted the answers to. About... What having me here will be like." He takes Yuzuru's arm gently, one hand beneath his elbow, the other bringing the wound around, and starts with an antiseptic to clean the whole area. Focusing on the task keeps him from needing to look up at meet Yuzuru's gaze. "Do you have any questions right now? For me?"

Nathan kneels to care for him, completely matter of fact, and Yuzuru wonders what else had he really expected, honestly? He should have moved to the couch, so that Nathan could sit beside him. But as he goes about the process of cleaning and disinfecting Yuzuru's wound, Nathan looks the calmest he's been since they've met. Yuzuru checks his watch. It's been just over an hour. The scale of it all, of how much that hour has irrevocably changed, punches him between the eyes a little bit, and he breathes in deeply, through thinly pressed lips, to shut down the anxiety before it can even rise.

_ You practiced for this. You knew it would be odd at first. You'll get used to it. _

Nathan's gaze is downturned, but his attention is fully focused on Yuzuru. When he allows himself to really examine that fact, Yuzuru finds that it feels surprisingly comforting. It helps him to consider Nathan's question, and inspires him to answer a little more honestly than he otherwise might have.

"To be honest, there's so much. It's a very big change, having a whole other person in my life now, and getting to know each other is going to be challenging at times, I'm certain. There's only so much that I feel like asking directly, though. Quizzing a person as if they're an instruction manual is hardly a good way to get to know someone. I imagined that we would discuss day to day things, like my daily schedule, how to divide the housework and shopping, things like that. And teaching you about what my life is like in Toronto, and at competitions, so that you can 'protect' me, or whatever."

Yuzuru snorts, waving his free hand dismissively. "Not that I need protection. Honestly, Nathan, while I'm certain we're going to get along well once we get to know each other, I disagreed with my sponsor about the necessity of a bodyguard in the first place, and I still think it's an excessive precaution. So you won't really have much to do at competitions. I'm afraid it's going to be pretty boring for you. Maybe you can just sit back and watch the skating."

Caring for the wound - disinfection, medication, and careful bandaging and wrapping - is so matter-of-fact, the exact sort of thing Nathan has had drilled into him as soon as he had the manual dexterity to do it (a fairly young age, considering their natural dexterity developed more quickly than it did for human children), that he's able to do it quite reflexively. He still keeps his eyes on it, though, because it feels like Yuzuru's relaxing a little, letting himself open up and be honest with his answer to Nathan's request, and Nathan doesn't want to jinx it. 

It's soothing, doing this. Nathan hopes that's true for both of them. This is how it's _ supposed _ to be between two people bonded in this way. Nathan is meant to see to Yuzuru's needs; mostly physically, sure, but emotionally too. This is what he's _ here _ for. The sooner they can both get comfortable with that, probably, the better.

He does cock an eyebrow, a bit bemused, at some of what Yuzuru's saying though. Not for the first time, Nathan's attention is forcibly drawn to the fact that Yuzuru sees him as an _ equal _ . He thinks of him as a human. Things like _ divide the housework _ , and _ discuss day to day things _, all carry a weight of this being an equal partnership. It's... Unusual, to say the least. 

"I'm sure the contract was written to be primarily about me guarding you," he says carefully, still mindfully using a few small pieces of medical tape to tack down the ends of the gauze. "But I'm capable of much more than that. I'm really not meant to get in the way of your job... Whatever that all entails." Finished with the bandaging, he sort of pats Yuzuru's arm gently, and finally, with nothing else to hold his attention, he looks up to meet his gaze. 

"Yes, it was, but like I said, they're worried about nothing. I'm an athlete. I don't live a very dangerous life." A little frustrated, Yuzuru sighs forcefully, letting his gaze drift over the apartment. Not for the first time, he is glad he doesn't know how much it costs to rent.  
  
Nathan’s attention remains focused on Yuzuru as Yuzuru’s attention drifts. "It's my duty to figure out how to become a part of your life without _ disrupting _ your life. Your daily routine shouldn't change to accommodate me."

"You won't get in the way," Yuzuru protests, looking at Nathan with a bit of impatience. The way Nathan's talking about himself, like he's a particularly intelligent dog, is beginning to grate. "And that isn't reasonable. Of course my routine will change somewhat, and that's something we'll both have to adapt to."

"Honestly. The idea that you're supposed to do all the changing, all the adapting, just because--

"Tchh. It's infuriating."

Well, now Yuzuru is being _ very _honest, and it's actually reassuring to Nathan in a way. If Yuzuru's being this honest, then Nathan thinks he could bring himself to be completely honest with his point of view on the situation, as well. 

He stands up, slowly, and moves to sit back in the chair he'd chosen earlier, facing Yuzuru. He thinks, maybe, the things he's about to say might come off a little less jarring to Yuzuru if they're not coming from someone kneeling in front of him. 

"I'm sorry that it bothers you so much." Nathan says carefully, trying to make sure he's being clear, being honest. Yuzuru values honesty. It's the most definite thing Nathan's learned so far. "But this _ is _ how things are _ expected _ to be. Hanyu..." He pauses, tilts his head, and gives him a little sheepish smile. "Yuzuru. If I can call you that. I think what you need to understand is that I wasn't _ hired _ . I was _ bought _." 

He looks down again, watching Yuzuru's mouth for a reaction. "Have you ever even met a Domestic before today?"

Yuzuru realizes that Nathan chose to take a level position with him before responding to him, and he appreciates that. Clearly he understands at least some of what it would have sounded like to hear that, coming from a man kneeling at his feet. Still, when Nathan says the word - _ bought _ \- Yuzuru feels bile rise in his throat, and he visibly gags, before managing to work it back down. It takes him a few long moments of stillness before he can even open his eyes again and several more before he can respond.

"I do my best not to think about that fact, Nathan, the fact that another _ human being _ was _ b- bought _ for me to use as some kind of _ slave _ , because it's, it is-- it's horrifying, disgusting, immoral-- in every _ possible _way. It disgusts me. You are not a-- Domestics aren't-- It's--"

He's too upset to continue. Fists clenched on his knees, eyes closed, Yuzuru tucks his chin and mutters, stubbornly, voice cracked through.

"You are a person. The same as me. The world is wrong. About vampires, about you, about all of it. The world is ** _wrong._**"

Yuzuru's distress escalates quickly. It's visible and it's _ visceral _, and before he even realizes it, before he can really think through how contradictory it is to the world view Yuzuru believes in... Nathan's out of his seat again as quickly as he took it, dropping to one knee and placing his hands over Yuzuru's clenched fists.

_ He's upset, he needs comfort _. That's the instinct, the deep visceral pull in Nathan's blood and body. He can't really control it, because it's simply a part of him now. He tilts his head, tries to put his face into Yuzuru's line of sight. Tries to think of the right thing to say to keep his bond from being this upset, this angry and sick. 

"I'm sorry. We shouldn't have gone through with it. I didn't know this was how you felt." He doesn't want to tell Yuzuru he's _ wrong _, because he's entitled to his feelings. But it's so antithetical to Nathan's experience, to Nathan's instructions, to Nathan's very nature... 

Nathan flies to kneel before him, clearly anxious to soothe Yuzuru, to take away the pain, and tears spring to the corners of Yuzuru's eyes as he meets Nathan's gaze. He brings his hands together, then places one overtop, gently holding both of Nathan's hands between his own. He exhales, shaky, but less distressed than he was.

(In the back of his mind, he notices that Nathan kneeling in front of him is powerfully soothing him, rather than furthering his upset. Like it did only a few minutes ago, as Nathan knelt to tend his wound. Uncomfortable with the implications of that, he pushes the thought away.)

"You shouldn't have to be faced with this all the time if it causes you this much stress,” Nathan says. “Your sponsor should have taken your feelings about this into account."

Yuzuru shakes his head. "They didn't. And what's done is done. You and I are bonded, and I don't regret that a bit." He squeezes Nathan's hands, smiling through tears. "It's necessary to protect you - to allow you to exist in society without being seen as a threat just because of your existence. If you weren't bonded, you'd be looked down on even more. Right?"

He pauses, chewing his lip, trying to think about what he wants to say next. Sniffles, and smiles at his own messiness.

"I don't want you to get confused. _ You _ don't upset me. Remember that I asked for you, specifically. And I think you'll be good at your job. But...please, can we not talk about it like that? Bought, and so forth? I'm going to treat you as an employee, not a-- a possession. Is that okay?"

Nathan meets Yuzuru's gaze, and holds it for a long moment. Steady. Confused, sure. He's not particularly reassured by Yuzuru's words, but then again, he wasn't particularly upset by any of this either, so he doesn't really _ need _ reassurance. But it seems to be calming Yuzuru down. Allowing him to take control of the situation in his own way. 

Then, deliberately, he takes one hand from between Yuzuru's and raises it tentatively to brush some of his tears away with his thumb and the knuckle on his first finger. 

"If I weren't bonded to you," he says carefully, feeling the need to explain what his life trajectory had been before Yuzuru's contract had arrived, "then, a year or so from now, when I reached my twentieth year, I would have aged out of training. I would have been bought at a low price by some corporation, and bonded to some board of executives or managers, people I might not ever meet. If you hadn't chosen me, out of everyone you could have, I wouldn't have been looked down on. I wouldn't have been looked at, at all." 

"...That's so _ sad, _" Yuzuru cries, squeezing Nathan's hand in his own, pressing his cheek to Nathan's knuckles and palm. He shakes his head, reflexive, as the picture Nathan paints for him becomes clear.

"They would have given you-- would they mix the bloods? Just...force you to... And you'd never have... Even met?" His breath catches, and he hiccups out a sob in the process of drawing a deep breath. "What happened in the bathroom - what that felt like -" He clutches Nathan's hand hard enough that his own knuckles creak.

"How could they make you feel that? By yourself? A-alone, without...

"Well. It feels a lot more... Personal. When it's personal," Nathan says, and then furrows his brow and his mouth pulls to one side in a considering grimace. "At least, that's what they say. I don't know." 

Nathan gives a weary little smile, and knows that one of his fangs shows when he does it. "But that isn't what happened. Now, we're here, and I'm bonded to you, and unless I give you a good reason to send me away- and I don't think I'm going to- I'll be with you for as long as you live." 

He clears his throat, knowing those are some heavy words. "You may treat me... However you want. But you're gonna have to tell me what it is. That's all. Because I... don't know any other way to be, than how I am."

Nathan's touch is so, so gentle. Yuzuru tips his head toward it, letting him brush away his tears. He smiles, shaky, watery, and more tears fall, faster and clearer, releasing the tension and the pressure and the _ guilt _ that's been building within him for the last two months, since all of this began to become inevitable, since he began to understand that he was going to say yes.

A gulp of air turns into a hiccup, and then Yuzuru's laughing, helplessly, through his tears. He lets his head fall forward, and his brow knocks against, and then rests against, Nathan's, as he gives over to the cleansing, freeing tears.

Nathan can only conclude that Yuzuru really can't have met many of Nathan's kind before, to be this... He supposes the word should be _ sympathetic,_ but it seems so wrong somehow. Yuzuru's responses are full of emotion, deep upset and sadness about things that never would have entered his life or been brought to his attention, if not for Nathan. 

There are people, in America, who campaign for Emancipation, for vampire rights. They exist, and some of them are even humans who believe in the cause. Yuzuru would probably get along with them pretty well, but even then... The _ emotion _ he feels for the future that Nathan narrowly avoided, but had considered an inevitable fact of his life... 

He can't help the little chuckle that escapes him, as he brings his hand around to cup the back of Yuzuru's neck, guiding him to rest his head on Nathan's shoulder. A much more comfortable position in which to cry. Nathan's been taught how to deal with things like that, too. There are rich socialites who purchase and bond with Domestics simply so they can have a live-in emotional support person. Like a dog, but able to say things like _ you've got this _ and _ you're the best _ with words instead of just attention. Nathan's been taught how to deal with all sorts of things. He'd just never considered the possibility of this kind of _ context _. 

His hand reflexively moves up, carding his fingers through Yuzuru's hair. Soothing, or trying to. 

"I want you to treat me how you want to treat me. Because I want you to be happy, and not just because we're bonded. I just... Don't want to see you treated badly, because you insist on treating me like an equal. Do you understand?"

Yuzuru nods, through sniffles. "Then we'll be careful," he decides, shoving the bridge of his nose against Nathan's neck and squaring his jaw. "We'll just be careful, and it will be fine."

"We'll be careful." Nathan agrees, glad they could at least come to an agreement about that. It's going to require no small amount of precision, Nathan knows that much. As an elite international athlete and his Domestic assistant, Nathan knows they'll be travelling all over the world in pursuit of Yuzuru’s career. Laws and restrictions and cultural courtesies are different all over. Nathan knows some of them, things that he's not sure Yuzuru knows yet, and even then he knows his knowledge is limited. There will be a lot to learn. But... Well, they can deal with that piece by piece, as it comes.  
  
"Okay. Careful." Yuzuru's extremely satisfied with that decision, and Nathan's agreement with it. He's glad to settle the issue without a fight.

Something thumps delicately against the tender skin of Yuzuru’s eyelids, closed and lightly brushing Nathan's skin. He sits up, blinking tears out of his lashes, and Nathan reflexively reaches up to brush the tears off his cheeks as they are knocked free. Yuzuru peers at Nathan's neck, where he'd felt the sensation. Then, with two fingers, he checks for confirmation of what he'd just felt. Nathan meets Yuzuru's gaze, and obediently tilts his head to one side when Yuzuru's fingers press against his throat. 

"A pulse." It's less a question than a statement of surprised discovery. "You have a pulse." Curious, he presses his palm flat to Nathan's chest, but the steady, strong thump of a human heartbeat is nowhere to be found.

"Well, yes..." Nathan says, slowly, because of course he has a pulse. "Blood moves, once it's in the body. How else would we function?" 

He considers making a reference to something he'd read once, a translation from a Japanese source, which might make sense to Yuzuru, about how they're biologically powered by the components of blood in the same way machines are powered by electricity- which is why it takes comparatively so little blood to function, as opposed to how much food a human needs to eat. 

But before Nathan can get the words together, Yuzuru is exploring further. Again he touches Nathan’s neck, and just there on the side, where the human jugular beats fiercely, a gentle, almost delicate pulse hides under Nathan's skin. Yuzuru frowns in thought; then, realisation washing over his face, he turns wide, wondering eyes to meet Nathan's.

"Is that _ my _ pulse?"

Nathan meets that wide gaze with a wide, curious look of his own. "You know..." He lets out a half laugh. "I don't know. Maybe it is."

"I thought you ate it!" Yuzuru’s bubbling up with giggles.

"Of course I ate it..." Nathan says, laughing right back at Yuzuru, perfectly comfortable here on his knees, one hand holding one of Yuzuru's, the other exchanging comfortable physical gestures of compatibility. It's...

It's really nice. This is the dream. A singular bond with someone who cares. 

"I ate it, but then it moves through the body. It... It powers me, like plugging in a lamp. Or a Roomba." 

"A Roomba?!" Yuzuru scoffs. "That's silly. You're nothing like one."  
  
Laughing, Yuzuru smiles back at Nathan, eyes crinkling into happy crescents. "...It really is real, isn't it. All of this. That's my blood inside you, and- and it's very weird, but... It makes me very very happy to know that. Is that supposed to happen?"

Nathan smiles; he knows his fangs are showing completely and he's not self-conscious about it at all. Something about Yuzuru's wild grin that makes his eyes all but disappear is perfectly reassuring. "I don't know if I have an answer for that either. I've never read anything about humans who bother talking about what the bond feels like for them. I think maybe you're a bit of an outlier."

Nathan's smile is beautiful, fangs bright and bold, and Yuzuru finds his attention drawn to them. There's no blood caught between them, or at the tips; they're just white, almost improbably so. And shorter than they'd felt, when they went in.

He shivers, remembering that soft slice, but says nothing about it.

"I'm okay with that," Yuzuru says, a sharpness in his eyes.

"I'm one of a kind."   
  


⚯  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> he's in too deep, you guys


	4. human experimentation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan doesn't close his eyes; he keeps his eyes on Yuzuru's face. He sees the snap decision, feels it, and extrapolates that he already knows what the answer is. He shifts, almost ready to obey an unspoken invitation.
> 
> Then, Yuzuru pauses, clearly wanting to test more, and more quickly. Nathan likes it. He likes a challenge.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content warning: this chapter contains discussion of euthanasia (of vampires like nathan), and begins to touch on some of the consent issues inherent to the world premise.
> 
> thank you to cupcake for assistance with japanese-language dialogue.

##  chapter four: human experimentation

⚯   
  


  
From an emotional, tear-filled rage against institutionalised speciesism and vampire slavery, to giggles shared over their mutually amused confusion with each other, Yuzuru can’t quite believe so much territory has been covered in the last ten or fifteen minutes of conversation.    
  
And yet it has flowed so smoothly, so easily.  _ Again  _ he’s finding it necessary to consciously remind himself that he’s only known Nathan for a few  _ hours _ . Yet they already fit together so well. Improbably, Nathan already seems to be genuinely charmed and pleased by Yuzuru, and he’s only met the odd and awkward side of him so far. He hasn't even seen him skate! Yuzuru wonders what he'll think of it, when he does. Or whether the cold of the rink will bother him.    
  
With that thought, it occurs to Yuzuru that, other than how to feed him, and despite all his research, he still doesn't know much about Nathan at all.

"Tell me more about being a vampire," Yuzuru says then, sitting up a little straighter, placing both hands on Nathan's one, on his knee. He regards Nathan with an expectant air, somewhere between a child demanding a storytime and a scholar dissecting a specimen. "What makes a command? How specific do I have to be? Could someone else command you if they claimed they spoke for me? What if they really were relaying a message from me? Do you get cold? Do you need a coffin? Wait. Do you even need baths?"

⚯

There's something about Yuzuru when he's seeking information. It's the same posture and tone he used earlier, when he was asking for bullet-point clarifications. Now it's a bit more relaxed, a bit more haphazard, but the rhythm is the same. He's rattling off questions without the slightest concern that Nathan might find the questions hard to keep straight and answer succinctly. Which, admittedly, is less of an issue now. Yuzuru's wonder and curiosity thrums just below the surface of Nathan's skin, and his energy has him feeling bright eyed and bushy tailed, so to speak. Without really thinking about what his free hand is doing (the other trapped comfortably beneath Yuzuru's hands, and gripping gently at his knee), he begins idly stroking the length of Yuzuru's calf. Knee to ankle and back up again. 

Shifting slightly to kneel properly, resting back on his heels, Nathan’s head bobs back and forth a bit as he weighs the flood of questions. 

"I need to clean myself, and groom, like you do. We don't perspire the same way humans do, but we do have our own sort of odor that accumulates." He laughs a little. "I won't need a coffin. I don't even need a bed. Like I said earlier, we naturally sleep less than humans do. I think, if we evolved on our own, we'd probably be nocturnal, but." He shrugs one shoulder, shooing the thought away. Dwelling won't change history. 

"As for the rest... It's a matter of intent, desire, and functionality. You say I'm not at all like a Roomba, but I'm not sure how you can claim that so easily like you're an expert. We can be a lot like machines. You're the programmer." 

He sighs, still stroking Yuzuru's calf thoughtfully. "I don't want to upset you again, so I'm not sure of how explicit you want me to be about the way the bond functions on me, psychologically speaking. Suffice to say, there should be few circumstances in which someone else could command me without your presence. I don't intend to be away from you long enough to run out of orders from you. Does that make sense?" 

He clears his throat. "And if you mean in the case of you being incapacitated in some way... Well, I don't intend to be leaving your side if that's the case, either."

Yuzuru listens attentively, tagging each answer to its question, building chains of query-and-response in his mind, and connecting threads between them, as he works to better understand Nathan's existence. He is pleased, and excited, that Nathan can keep up with his aggressive style of inquiry.

"Just because you don't sleep much doesn't mean you don't need a nice place of your own to sleep!" Yuzuru rolls his eyes, dismissing that concept entirely. "What do you like sleeping on, if not a bed?" 

"You're  _ not  _ like a Roomba, though. I'm  _ certain _ you don't get flummoxed by chair legs and rugs." Yuzuru grins cheekily, daring Nathan to challenge that dismissal. However Nathan sees himself, and the interaction between command and response that he's subject to, is up to him. But Yuzuru doesn't see the similarity at all, and isn't about to be convinced that easily. 

But Nathan's next answer does a lot to dismiss the flighty topic of Roombas from Yuzuru’s mind, and he sits in silence after Nathan's done speaking, pensive.

"I may not like it, but I need to understand this part of you," Yuzuru decides, after a minute or two of quiet contemplation. "I can't claim to accept you, and not be able to face all of you. And that includes your vulnerability."

"So." Yuzuru squares his shoulders, framing his state of mind, and the attitude with which he'll approach what Nathan has to say. This is information gathering. It's not scary, or upsetting, because it'll give him the ability to use his influence safely. Fairly, and justly. He'll be able to protect Nathan with this information. It's like when he and Kikuchi-san had to teach Javi, Brian, Ghislain, and Tracy about his asthma triggers, and how to stop an asthma attack. Not  _ nice  _ information, but essential information.

"I want," he begins, carefully. Yuzuru is watching Nathan's face for any little reactions, any indication that his words are pressing triggers that he doesn't intend them to. Yuzuru fears that expressing a desire in this simple way is enough to override Nathan's free will. He hopes dearly that it's not.

"I want to know more about how it works. What happens inside of you when you receive a command. What words form a command? If I use "should", does that count? Or is it only declarative, or imperative, tenses that work? I don't want to command you by accident, or fail to command you when I need to. If I gave a command in Japanese, would you understand it? Would you have to comply? What if you're given a command you don't understand, or don't have the resources or ability to complete? Can you be commanded to hurt yourself? To hurt other people, or other vampires? What about me, could I command you to hurt me?"

Nathan shrugs one shoulder again, though he doesn't mean it with quite as much dismissal as he did the last time. "I don't think  _ like _ has ever really come into it. We had beds at the training home. At least, I think they're beds. Small, and stacked, but enough room to lie flat?" He makes a gesture in the air, indicating the three tiers of bunks he's known all his life. 

Nathan sits back a bit, when Yuzuru starts asking some of the deeper questions that he insists he wants to understand. It's fair enough, and at least these kinds of questions Nathan  _ does  _ have answers to... He's just pretty sure by now that the answers aren't going to be at all to Yuzuru's tastes. 

"It's... Not so much about the words. It's something deeper. I can feel it, inside me. The pull to obey starts before you've even begun speaking. The words just sort of... Light the fuse that's already been laid by your desire. I don't actually know if I'd still be able to understand what you wanted, if you spoke in a language I don't understand, or didn't manage to complete the thought aloud for whatever reason. I think, probably, if it's a concern for you, it's something we could test, and figure out together." 

As for the rest... "I won't hurt you. If you truly wanted me to hurt you, it would be a difficult situation, potentially painful for me. But protecting you will always take precedence."

He looks down, and clears his throat. The next part is the... Stickier part.  "You  _ could  _ order me to hurt another. I'd have to obey. But... I know you don't like it, but legally speaking, I would be treated as a... A function of you. If it were to hurt another vampire, or if I ended up in a fight with another Domestic trying to protect the target of your order, you could be charged with destruction of property. If you ordered me to attack a human, you could be arrested. Assault with a deadly weapon. Murder, if I got that far." Nathan looks up again, meeting Yuzuru's gaze steadily. He wants to know the reality, to face it all. So Nathan's not about to sugarcoat anything about this topic. 

"I'd be euthanized, whether you were found guilty or not. Probably as soon as you were arrested. Before you were even charged. Even in America, the law is not kind to vampires being used as weapons."

⚯

Nathan meets Yuzuru's determination and matches it, tackling the desire Yuzuru’s presented to him with full focus. He shows resolve to give Yuzuru the honesty he asked for, despite the difficulty of the topic, despite the ugliness of the answers he has to offer. Despite knowing by now that to answer honestly, he’ll have to convey facts which  _ will _ upset Yuzuru.

Distantly, Yuzuru appreciates that commitment.

"Euthanized," he repeats. He doesn't need clarification; he understands exactly what Nathan meant. The image is clear and gruesomely vibrant in his mind, no matter how hard he's trying to  _ not _ understand, to  _ not  _ picture it.

"That's horrific." He pauses, swallows. 

"I can see why you'd feel that way. You'd get along very well with the Emancipation movement in America, I think." Nathan says, with a little smile and an extra little squeeze of Yuzuru's knee. 

It's not worth pointing out that, for Nathan, it's simply that straightforward. If a vampire hurts or kills a human, their life is forfeit. It's as clear-cut as that, and one of the earliest rules taught to all V children, but especially those in Nathan's position, aged and (before today) unbonded. Not that unbonded natural mutations ever spent much time with humans, but the threat was always there. Possible. Palpable.  _ Never harm a human. Never cause a human to come to harm.  _

Yuzu thinks that it's getting easier for him to process this shit. He imagines he must be getting accustomed to the topic. He's not sure he's okay with that. He's not sure he's  _ not _ .

"...Thank you for telling me, Nathan. I'll be even more careful of how I interact with others' vampires now. So I don't create danger for them."

"I don't really think it will be an issue." Nathan offers, diplomatic to a fault. "You don't seem likely to  _ want _ to cause harm to others, any others, even others like me. I don't think I will ever be in a position where you have asked me to do anything that would put either of us in danger."

Despite Nathan’s attempts to reassure, the atmosphere feels bleak, and there's hardly anything to be said to follow up such a heavy topic. Yuzuru tries vainly for several minutes to think of something, but then decides to take a completely different path. A much nicer one.

"Let's practice commands, ok?" He squeezes Nathan's hand one more time, then lets go and scoots back in his seat, until there's enough room to fold his legs up and sit cross-legged in the deep, plush chair. He's already made up his mind, and he pulls the energy of a game, of playfulness, around himself like armour. It banishes, for now, the gloomy mood. "I want to learn about us!"

As Yuzuru purposefully pulls a more playful manner around himself, Nathan can still feel the deeper sense of ill ease beneath the surface of his own skin. But he can also feel how badly Yuzuru wants to leave the grim topic behind. 

Yuzuru shifts, pulling his legs up into his chair, and Nathan smiles up at him, feeling so very uncommonly fond. Is the bond always so dramatic, so sudden, so consuming? He's never read anything about it, but then again, the personal accounts he had available to him were all about clinical bondings, businesslike things that closely followed tradition and protocol. Yuzuru has broken nearly every protocol there is, and they've only been together... What, an hour? Two? 

Nathan makes a mental note to ask Yuzuru later if he can start keeping a journal. He thinks his accounts of their bond could be something that could be useful to a younger vampire, years from now. 

But, for now... 

"I'd like that. I think it's a very good idea." He spreads his hands. "Would you like me to stay down here, or move to a chair?" He's already playing the game Yuzuru wants to play. What he says, and how he says it, and how he feels about the question being asked, and the implications (to him, strange human that he is) of each option... All of this will influence the command he gives Nathan. It’s all data to mine.

Yuzuru's grin stretches, just about crowding his ears with its size and warmth. Nathan is playing the game! The game of Yuzuru-ness, that he invites so many around him to partake in. Everyone responds differently; some well, while others miss the point. Nathan is jumping right in and it makes Yuzuru's heart soar. This is a person he'll be able to be friends with. This is a person his life will be richer for knowing.

He catches himself halfway to a response - having already chosen  _ "on the couch," _ Yuzuru stops himself from speaking the command, and instead, after a pause, says something entirely different. As he speaks, he presses a clear image of the action into his mind, onto the backs of his eyeballs.

[ 冷蔵庫からジュースをもらいなさい ], Yuzuru instructs, carefully spacing the words out and using elementary, unabbreviated syntax. "And then sit on the couch."

⚯

Yuzuru's face just scrunches all up into little crescents up and down when he smiles like that. It's cute. It makes Nathan smile right back- he just can't help it.

And now they're going to figure out more about the ways that information exchange between them can work - together.

Nathan doesn't close his eyes; he keeps his eyes on Yuzuru's face. He sees the snap decision, feels it, and extrapolates that he already knows what the answer is. He shifts, almost ready to obey an unspoken invitation.

Then, Yuzuru pauses, clearly wanting to test more, and more quickly. Nathan likes it. He likes a challenge. 

Yuzuru speaks in Japanese, of which Nathan recognizes the shape but none of the words. One of them sounds like it might be close to an English word, but he can't be sure. Focusing on Yuzuru's posture and presence and the thrum of him beneath his skin, he shifts again, and then eventually stands as he gets... The shape of it. 

_ Just  _ the shape of it. It's not enough. Now he's standing, but he's not sure what he's supposed to do before he sits on the couch. He takes a tentative step towards the hallway entrance, thinking-- No. Still unclear. He turns to look over his shoulder, eyebrow quirked a bit sheepishly, and shakes his head.

"That's not quite enough. I guess I do have to understand some of it."

The first attempt, ambitious as it was, isn't a success. That's fine with Yuzu. They still gain data. He nods acknowledgement to Nathan, then pauses to think, tapping his lower lip with one finger while he recalculates.

"Okay! That was too specific, maybe? Very simple idea this time." 

He clears his throat. Envisions what he wants, the cut crystal edges, the weight, the slight chill. The state of being full. He does his best not to think of a specific type of contents - just the object, full, brought to him by Nathan. Passed from Nathan's hand into his. He envisions the action, a full visualization like he does for skating.

Yuzuru gathers that visualization in his hands, frames it deliberately, and aims that focused thought at Nathan with a hopeful, determined smile.

[  飲む ? ]

⚯

Nathan's still feeling a little edgy as Yuzuru reconsiders his plan of attack. He still knows he was asked to do something; he can feel the request, the command, crawling around under his skin, nudging him to go  _ do the thing _ without knowing what the thing is. He files that away to raise later. He knows Yuzuru will want to know that the inability for him to understand causes him discomfort, even if it feels completely normal to Nathan.

Yuzuru screws his face up in contemplation, presumably of what he wants Nathan to do. Nathan tilts his head a little, focusing extra hard on Yuzuru as well. Trying to open himself up to command on every level. 

He thinks... He thinks he's got the shape of it, by the time Yuzuru speaks the word- a different word than the ones he used a moment ago, but now, this time, Nathan thinks he's got the idea. The word itself means nothing to him, and he may be way off base, but the  _ sense _ he's getting most from Yuzuru just now is  _ thirst _ . 

Nathan almost asks, almost tries to clarify. But if he's right, it would be very useful information for them, and if he's wrong, it's a harmless mistake to make. Better to make that kind of mistake in a controlled setting. 

He nods, and moves from the open-plan living room space into the kitchen. He finds a glass. After a moment of contemplation he puts a few pieces of ice in the glass, and then he fills the glass with water. 

Then he frowns at himself. Yuzuru's just lost, if not  _ a lot _ of blood, at least enough that it's not unreasonable for him to need more than just water. He gets another glass, fills that one with juice from the refrigerator, and then takes both glasses to Yuzuru. He sets them on the table beside him with a little deferent nod of his head, then moves to sit, as originally instructed, on the couch. 

"How'd I do?"

⚯

After he released the command, willing it to reach Nathan, Yuzuru had nothing really to do but wait. And hope, but that wasn't really an active pursuit. Waiting, however, can be done attentively, patiently, and quietly, so as not to disturb someone's concentration, so Yuzuru does that.

When Nathan moves towards the kitchen, Yuzuru is careful to sit very still, neither becoming more still nor more excited. When Nathan pauses to consider, fills  _ two _ glasses, and places them both in front of Yuzuru, it's nearly all he can do to hold his applause until  _ after _ Nathan sits down, completing the command set.

" _ Nathan! _ That was amazing! You just read my mind, like, really, you read it! Amazing! Seriously, amazing!" Yuzuru's bouncing in his seat, clapping delightedly, beaming at Nathan.

Yuzuru actually starts  _ clapping _ for him, and his elation runs through Nathan's veins as surely as his own sudden flush of pleasure at having succeeded, having done well and made his bond happy... Vampires don't blush easy, and they certainly don't blush well, but they  _ do _ blush, and Nathan feels heat about his ears and across the bridge of his nose.

"I don't know..." Nathan ducked his head, pleased and self-conscious. "I guess... Not your mind, but your... Your needs. I think." 

"Aren't my needs in my mind, though?" Yuzuru muses, head tilting to the side. "I think it's mind reading for sure."

"I suppose so?" Nathan says, trying to figure out what Yuzuru’s getting at. "But... Well. I figured it out, but I didn't...  _ Read  _ it so much as feel it? It wasn't words.”   
  
Nathan tilts his head towards the glasses. "Once I figured it out, it made sense. You really should drink that, you need to replenish your blood."

Yuzuru chooses the juice first, sipping half of it in one slow gulp. Pausing before finishing the rest, he leans forward in his seat. "What I said, ' _ nomi _ ' - it means 'something to drink.' Or, 'things that are drunk,' or maybe 'for drinking'. I decided to only be specific about getting the drink, not what it was."

"So it was very exciting when you got two!"

Nathan nods. “Right. So like, now I'll know what that word means, but... It wasn't like I could hear that meaning, or know what it meant. What I did have was..." He purses his lips, rocking his head from side to side. Words are so hard. It's probably even harder for Yuzuru - Nathan's only ever been taught English. He's picked up a few words in other languages, and he intends to learn as much Japanese as he can, now, but until then, he’s monolingual. 

"It wasn't that I knew you wanted  _ something to drink _ ,” he tries, “it was more a sensation, an idea that you were thirsty, and a desire to fix that for you. Does that make sense?"

"Hmmmmm!” Yuzuru’s eyes gleam, his focus sharp. “So I thought about the solution I wanted you to bring me, and you heard the underlying need. That's really interesting. I thought it had to be a command, like, me telling you to do something specific, but that sounds like it could be, 'please solve this problem'? But what if there's too many options?" Yuzuru pushes his lower lip out, thinking.

"I think mostly it will be commands, if there's something specific you want me to do. But... By my nature, and the nature of the bond, and the contract... It's my duty to anticipate your needs, and help see them fulfilled whenever it's within my power. So having a sense of that, maybe, is what it is."

"Mmm, okay.” Yuzuru decides. “Well, that's already a lot we've figured out for today. We can do more tomorrow."

Nathan nods and smiles. He'd be willing to keep experimenting, but he thinks probably Yuzuru could use a bit of a rest soon, and they're both likely to keep going if they don't stop now.

Yuruzu finishes his juice, smiling at Nathan over the rim of the glass when it reminds him, again, of how well their experiment worked. He holds up the glass.

"I feel a little guilty, you know, having something to drink - or I guess in the future, when I'm eating I probably will too. It just doesn't seem like I've fed you enough! And I still keep thinking you're a guest in my house." Yuzuru laughs, ducking his head. "I will get used to it. I promise. But at first, I'm sorry in advance if I ask you too many times if you're hungry! You seemed so... Satisfied, after eating earlier. It's hard to believe you only need that little bit."

"My mother taught me well. In Japanese culture, you take care of your guest's needs before they need to say anything about it. So I keep thinking, 'I must get him more food! He was so parched after such a long flight. Surely he's hungry again?'"

Yuzuru smiles, warm. His voice is soft, like he's confessing and sheepish about it. "I always take good care of my body, because it's my livelihood. And so I can live well in honor of everyone who didn't survive when I did. And to fulfill everyone's expectations and my own dreams. But  _ now _ I'll  _ also _ feed myself well so that I can feed you well."

Before Nathan can interject, Yuzuru barrels onward, voicing what he's been mulling over in the back of his head since the bathroom.

"...Do you want more? I'm going to get us animal blood tomorrow, a-and definitely make sure we have plenty for you whenever you're peckish. But for tonight I can definitely spare more if you're still hungry.

"I looked it up. You've only had about six so far, but for my height and weight I could give you more than eight ounces without any danger. That's only ten percent of my blood volume. Much less than I'd give the blood bank. And, I have a week of rest before work resumes in Toronto. So I have plenty of time to catch it back up. So it's perfectly safe."

⚯

Yuzuru shifts the conversation a bit then, and Nathan listens to him intently. He  _ was _ satisfied earlier. He would have been satisfied if they'd stopped after that first, bonding mouthful. Nathan thinks having a full meal directly from Yuzuru really had done a lot to cement their bond rapidly. 

He's not entirely sure what Yuzuru means when he says  _ the people who didn't survive _ . He knows Yuzuru's an athlete, that he recently won in the Olympics... But he's never seen any of that, and he only knows a little bit about sports in general. The conversation flows on before Nathan can ask for clarification, and then Nathan's blushing again, just a little bit. 

He shakes his head slowly. "I'm glad you did research. And, in case of emergency, that's very reassuring to know. But I really am fine. I took almost exactly eight from you- that's what you wanted me to do. One full meal. One cup. I've..." He pauses, a bit apprehensive of wading back into the topic of how his kind generally live their lives. "I've never in my life had more than that in a day."

"Oh, wow. Was it all eight? It didn't feel like that much."    
  
"It was." Nathan confirms, because... Because he just knows. He knew when he was drinking. He could feel it. And, when you eat the same amount nearly every day for years, you get a feeling for this sort of thing.

Yuzuru frowns lightly. "It felt shorter to me. Almost, not quite but almost only a moment. When you stopped, I thought..." He opens his mouth, ready to continue, keep talking about his experience on his end of that moment, but he catches himself just in time, and snaps it shut again.

_ This is about Nathan's  _ _ existence _ _ , Yuzuru. His nutritional need is not a kink for you to objectify. Shame. _

Yuzuru trails off, and there's a brief sense of distress from him that has Nathan's skin crawling again, but it's fleeting. Before he can inquire if there's anything he can do, Yuzuru's changing the topic. Sort of.

"In the bathroom, you apologized for something, I forget what, but you said you were sorry because it had been a while. So when you miss a meal, it makes your feeding, um, more intense?”   
  
Nathan shrugs. "I did say something about that, didn't I? No, you're right. There's quarantine laws about blood being transported on commercial flights, so Raf didn't eat on the plane."    
  
“I guess they don't care enough about vampires' needs to feed you on international flights so you don't pass out, do they. How long  _ did  _ you have to wait, anyway?” Yuzuru huffs. “I'd have been starving too if I missed my breakfast."

Nathan tilts his head, because he's only just realized that he's about to tell Yuzuru something else that he knows before he says it that Yuzuru isn't going to like it. "I was last fed... Hm. I think it was Wednesday night in America. So, that would have been Thursday morning here, right?"

"Wait." Yuzuru double takes, leaning forward, elbows on his knees. "You... You  _ think _ it was? So it might have been earlier than that?"    
  
"Maybe?" Nathan says, shrugging. He knew Yuzuru wasn't going to like this, but it's such a normal thing to Nathan. Why is he so concerned about it? Did his end of the contract not detail that part of it?   
  
Yuzuru's doing the math in his head. "That's two and a half days. Why didn't they feed you on Friday before you flew? Why didn't you eat when you landed, if it had been that long? That's..."

Yuzuru's expression is black. "For a company that is in the business of taking care of vampires, your company seems to be... bad at its job."

"Oh, no, it's not like they didn't care, or anything like that." Nathan laughs a bit at the idea of this being some kind of oversight. "It's part of the process. The less blood in the system, the less diluted the bond. That's why the first drink is always by itself, too. I mean, mostly people... Um, mostly in situations like this, it'd have been drawn with a syringe and drunk that way, just, like, the lower limit. The ten mils, right? So, to make a bond connect quickly without inconveniencing the human too much, we're fasted before hand."

Yuzuru is still for a few moments. He's looked down, toward the floor. The energy rolling off of him is pensive and quietly angry, but there's conflict and strain in there, too.

"Nathan. I think something's wrong. I don't...I don't think I'm supposed to be feeling what I'm feeling. I want to give you a command right now, but I know it's a bad one. But I'm so irritated and cross that I want to do it anyway."

"I'm trying hard not to think it at you. I'm sorry if you're picking up on it anyway. Please don't actually believe it, or listen to it." He stands, brusquely, hands clenched into fists at his sides. 

"I- I think I need to get some space, before I say something we'll both regret later."

Yuzuru stands up suddenly, and his anger and distress fills the whole room. His words do little to reassure Nathan, who isn't getting any particular command from Yuzuru, but the pervasive atmosphere of upset does more than enough to have Nathan standing too. He wants to do something, anything, to make Yuzuru not feel that way.

It's a difficult position to be in. Nathan's mind feels fuzzy as the desire to comfort Yuzuru conflicts with the very real knowledge that Nathan's nature, and it's place in the world, is what's causing the upset in the first place.

He stands, still, hands curled loosely at his sides. Wets his lips. "It's alright. P-perhaps you should get some sleep?”

Yuzuru's mind is too full. And in contrast to the candid, cheerful honesty he'd shared with Nathan only a few moments prior, this weight isn't something he wants to confide in Nathan about. And, probably, it's a wholly immoral topic to even discuss with someone who's compelled by blood magic to obey your every desire.

He needs to put distance between Nathan and himself before he asks, does, or commands something that would hurt Nathan, or that would abuse him. He needs to get  _ control _ of himself.

"Sleep. Yes, you're probably right. Thank you, Nathan." It's difficult, but Yuzuru forces himself to focus enough to meet Nathan's gaze, to offer him a sweet, and genuinely grateful, smile. His eyes are near shut in tight crescents, which is both a trait of his smiles in general, and a way to squeeze tears down before they fill his vision completely.

"I'm going to take a nap. My bedroom is the first door on the left of the hallway. When you feel sleepy, you can come in and sleep too. I didn't finish making up the second bedroom for you yet, so I laid out a futon on the floor beside my bed for you. I'm sorry it's not very private yet, but I hope it's comfortable. If you need more or different blankets, you can take some from the hall cupboard.

"If I'm not awake before seven tomorrow morning, please wake me then, so I can take my medicine."

"Do you need anything else before I sleep?"

The smile looks just as it always does, and Nathan's beginning to learn that Yuzuru sometimes smiles because he's genuinely happy, and sometimes he smiles because he's very  _ unhappy _ and he wants to hide it or pretend it away.

Everything is very conflicted, but as Yuzuru continues talking, one emotion and desire emanating off of Yuzuru finally wins out over all the others and starts being  _ the _ one, the one Nathan needs to obey. What Yuzuru wants  _ most _ is to be left alone for a little while, and Nathan can absolutely do that.

"Thank you," he says softly, nodding at the invitation. Yuzuru mentions a second bedroom, which is honestly more than Nathan would have expected. Not that it matters. Tonight, when Nathan does finally need to go down for a few hours, he'll happily sleep in Yuzuru's room. The idea of privacy is so foreign to him that the apology about the lack of it doesn't even register for him. 

"I will wake you at seven, if you are not yet awake." Nathan assures him, and then after a moment's consideration, he reaches out to touch Yuzuru's arm gently, just above the elbow. "No, thank you. I'm fine. If you'll only consent to me taking a look around the apartment, accustoming myself to the space, I would like that very much. Otherwise, please sleep. I hope you feel better after some rest."

Yuzuru exhales, air shuddering out of him, and tension spools out of his shoulders that he hadn't even realized was building there. He inhales, and it's smooth. The anxieties have tripped over their feet and are holding still, just for this moment, because Nathan's not challenging him. Because he's going to give Yuzuru the space he needs, even though he doesn't understand, even though he wants to help, even though.

Yuzuru feels gratitude welling up within him.

"This is your home as well as mine," he answers, picking his words carefully. "You may look and explore and do, however you like. Except for some of the locked things in my bedroom, nothing in this apartment is off limits to you."

A pause, and an awkwardly curious squint. "Did that work? Is that broad enough?"

Nathan waited, absolutely expecting Yuzuru to give him permission and then most likely double check that he's done so adequately, and so as he does so, Nathan smiles thinly, distantly proud of him. They still have plenty of growing into each other's presence to do, but for now... It's already been plenty. A long day. A long week. And Nathan suspects he's much more comfortable right now than Yuzuru is.

"Yes. That is exactly what I needed. Thank you. Please, sleep well."

Yuzuru nods, bows shallowly. Standing back up from it, though, is much harder than he expected. Suddenly it feels like he's a puppet with its strings cut. Every limb drags. He nods again, and remembers to thank Nathan before turning slowly toward bed. 

"Thank you."  _ Really, thank you. _

⚯  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's still a couple chapters of _sharpen your teeth (sink into me)_ left to go, but once this story concludes, nathan and yuzuru's story will continue!
> 
> part two of the **vampires will never hurt you, darling** series will be called: _"sink into me (keep my grammar well rehearsed)"_ and it will be a separate fic connected to this one within this same fic series.
> 
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thank you for reading. keep making noise at us in the comments, we love it.


	5. quiet morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've kept her away from my father, and my elder sister, for two years already. In a way, it's thanks to you that they are back together. I think I'm a pretty troublesome son, needing so much looking after. I'm glad that you can help me be more independent now, and less of a burden on my family."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when we say in the tags that this fic is somehow still soft af despite all the bullshit in the world? this chapter here is the shit we're talking about. grab your insulin.
> 
> **CW:** a short conversation about the 3-11 disaster in general terms.

## chapter five: quiet morning

  
  
⚯

  
  


Nathan spends the first few hours Yuzuru's asleep being carefully not disruptive. He moves about the kitchen, takes stock of what kind of food he has available, what kind of cooking implements and stuff like that. After a while, once he's sure Yuzuru's either comfortably asleep or pointedly pretending to be, he starts moving around other parts of the apartment, familiarizing himself with the whole space. 

He peeks into what he assumes is the mentioned spare room. There isn't a bed, which is what Nathan assumes Yuzuru meant by it not being ready for him. He checks out the bathroom and the hall closet, and figures out where things like the cleaning supplies are. 

Feeling pretty comfortable with the space, but a little unnerved by the mostly-silence, Nathan decides it's time enough for him to get his requisite few hours of sleep. He's not unreasonably tired, but he knows they'll have plenty to do tomorrow as well, so he carefully enters Yuzuru's room, seeks out the futon he mentioned, and stretches out. Flat on his back, hands folded on his stomach, Nathan closes his eyes and, comforted by the presence of his bond (his  _ bond _ ) restfully sleeping beside him, he lets Yuzuru's deep, even breathing lull him to sleep.

Nathan wakes up only a few hours later. It's all he really needs, and he wants to do something special for Yuzuru when he wakes up. Carefully, quietly straightening the blankets he slept on top of, he leaves the bedroom again, and starts in with the most comforting thing he can think of: basic housekeeping duties. He cleans the various parts of the bathroom (not that they were terribly dirty), takes the used glasses to the sink, and sweeps and dusts in the sitting area of the main room. 

Checking the clock, he sets to cooking. He's not sure what Yuzuru usually eats, and he'll undoubtedly figure that out before long, but considering what Yuzuru has in the house, what kinds of food Nathan is most comfortable cooking, and the time of day, he settles on a simple plain omelette- really just scrambled eggs in a smooth folded-over shape- and some toast. He leaves it plain, not sure what kind of condiment Yuzuru may want on it. Then he pours another glass of juice, and gives himself a little mental pat on the back when he checks the clock to find it about five minutes until seven o'clock. Perfectly timed. Just like he was trained.

He returns to Yuzuru's bedroom again, and this time he knocks gently on the door. "Yuzuru?" He calls quietly through, not opening the door yet. 

⚯

Yuzuru's usually an effortlessly early riser. Skating starts early, and the variances of international schedules mean that keeping one's own internal clock consistent is a priceless skill. Plus, he just really likes mornings.

So this morning, when he wakes, mind muddy, mouth and eyes feeling twice as bleary as they should after even half the sleep he'd had, there's one obvious conclusion. He definitely  _ wasn't _ imagining things yesterday. Bonding with Nathan really did have an effect on Yuzuru, too, not just Nathan himself.

_ I should ask him about that,  _ Yuzuru thought, rolling his face into his pillow to try to make the throbbing behind his eyelids go away.  _ This really isn't going at all the way the manuals said it would, and he should know that _ .

Yuzuru only realises that he's dozed off again when a soft knock on his bedroom door wakes him.

"Mnnngh? [  _ I’m up, I’m up _ ]."

Though Nathan surely doesn’t understand the Japanese that Yuzuru used, the fact that he spoke means he's awake enough  _ to  _ speak, and Nathan clearly takes that as permission, as he opens the door a crack, just enough to lean his head into the room. 

"It's seven o'clock," he says softly. "Time to take your medication. Also, I've made you something to eat." 

"Mmmgh," Yuzuru manages, but he sits up, wiping at his eyes blearily, and pats around on his nightstand for his glasses. Once he's got those, the next step is his medicine - a small pill, taken under the tongue. It tastes disgusting, and it easily wakes him up the rest of the way. Satisfied that he's done as he was asked, Nathan returns to the kitchen so he can start washing the dishes. Yuzuru pads past him, paths crossing, on his way into the bathroom, where he drinks two tall glasses of water to get the iron-chalk taste of medicine out of his mouth and washes his face. Then it's back to his bedroom to change, from pajamas to day clothes. Only once that's done does he step out into the living space, where the smell of hot breakfast is a welcome surprise.

"Eggs," he concludes, smelling the air. A glass of juice is waiting for him next to a plate full of food, still lightly steaming. Yuzuru takes a moment to be  _ very  _ impressed with Nathan's timing, sits down at the table, and digs in with fervor.

Yuzuru comes in, sniffs the air like an excited puppy. It's very cute, and 

Nathan smiles over his shoulder at him. "I figured you slept through maybe when you would have had dinner last night? If this isn't enough, I'll make more. What would you like on the toast?" 

Nathan is full of questions, but Yuzuru doesn't have the focus for all of them. He picks a few.

"Jam, I guess?" He doesn't make much effort to hide his ambivalence at the thought. Toast has never been his favorite, but without any competitions or even training for the better part of a week yet to go, he can't justify asking for the heaping bowl of rice that he wants most.

"...The eggs are really good. Thank you."

Nathan sets the pan he's holding down to dry, dries his hands, and retrieves the jar of jam he'd noticed earlier. He sets it down, with a knife, in front of Yuzuru, and then leans down to catch his eyes.

"If there's something you'd like more, I'm happy to make it for you."

Maybe in the future, once this isn't so new, Yuzuru won't be surprised by Nathan’s prescience, but today he is.

"Well, that's not..." He exhales, cheeks puffed. "I want white rice, but I can't have much of it at all right now. It wouldn't be good for my training. Eggs are much better. And I like them.”

"Ah." Yes, that would make sense, for him to have a strict diet. Nathan's glad the decision he made wasn't totally wrong.

"Oh, I  _ can _ have fish though. That would be nice. Can you grill fish Japanese-style?"

"Um, I'm not sure what that means, but I can probably figure it out if you tell me how you want it to look, or taste." He smiles, waiting patiently. Yuzuru seems much calmer after his long sleep.

Yuzuru thinks, filling time while his mouth is full.

"Hmm. It's just... Grilled? In a skillet I think is fine, or - I think I have a skillet with, um, a grill in it?" He laughs again, feeling self conscious. "My mother did all the cooking. I don't really know how at all."

"I think it has salt? Oh, and the skin stays on." That was an important detail. Yuzuru will never get used to the Western tendency to eat naked fish. You lose all the nutrition and flavor by removing the skin and fat!

Nathan nods, patiently. He thinks he understands, and he does remember seeing some fish in the fridge, and a cast iron skillet with the ridges in the bottom to shed the grease.

"You got it." He turns, setting the skillet down on the burner and turning it up high- he knows that you need to put the fish into a hot pan to sear it properly. "You lived with your mother?" he asks as he turns to get out the fish. 

"Mmhmm." Yuzuru watches Nathan move confidently about the kitchen. "In Toronto. She moved there with me so I could focus on my skating. She used to live in this apartment with me too, for the time I spend in Japan for press and rest and so on."

"She's at our family home right now," he continues, voice warming with relief and gratitude. "She can spend time relaxing with tousan again."

"That's really sweet." Nathan says, really meaning it. Parents are one of those things that happened to other people, not Nathan. But he'd always liked the idea of having a family - more of a family than the constantly fluctuating group where he'd grown up.

He drops the first fish into the pan and is satisfied by the sound it makes. "I hope she's enjoying herself. I hope they both are!" 

Nathan gets out a spatula to flip the fish with, then goes to retrieve a plate to put it on. A second fish follows the first, and then he turns off the stove and brings the plate to Yuzuru.

"I hope it's alright. If it's not, please let me know what I can change, okay?" 

"I hope so as well. I've kept her away from tousan, and my elder sister, for two years already. In a way, it's thanks to you that they are back together. I think I'm a pretty troublesome son, needing so much looking after. I'm glad that you can help me be more independent now, and less of a burden on my family."

Yuzuru bows shallowly over the table, eyes shut briefly, thanking Nathan for his service. A second, smaller bow, mostly just an inclination of his head, follows, in thanks for the fish.

"It smells very good."

Nathan feels the flush come creeping across the back of his ears. He feels greatly complimented, not just by Yuzuru’s words, but the meaning behind them. The welcome into his life, and the candid nature with which he's sharing a deeply personal part of himself. 

"Ah," he says, turning around to grab a pair of chopsticks instead of the fork he'd left with the eggs. "Here. Right?" 

He ducks his head, shuffles to the fridge to refresh Yuzuru's glass of juice, and then waits to see if Yuzuru wants anything else before he starts washing the rest of the dishes.

Yuzuru's about to just reuse his fork for the fish when Nathan offers him a pair of chopsticks instead, handed in the proper direction and everything. And once he uses them to taste the fish, he's even more touched.

It's not how his mother makes it, obviously. But it's  _ good _ , well cooked, not over- or under-done. Yuzuru eats the whole thing quickly, wanting to enjoy it while it's still at the ideal freshly hot temperature that makes the flavor best.

"So good!"

Yuzuru tucks in to the fish, with every indication of enjoyment. Pleased by a new job done well, Nathan nods his head in acknowledgement of the compliment. He gathers the empty dishes and takes them to the sink to wash them. Next will be a towel to dry the dishes and return them to their rightful places in the cabinets. While he works, he makes conversation.

"How did you sleep?"

"I slept well," Yuzuru answers between bites. He's fully awake now, thoughts and words moving more clearly, body shaking off the lethargy that clung to him at first rising. "Very heavy. I felt groggy when I woke up." 

It made sense, though. Yesterday was a big day, full of information and emotions, and not all of them pleasant. Most of all, he'd gone to bed anxious and angry, a mood he was usually very strict with himself about dispelling before sleeping. Bad energy in bed made for bad energy the next day.

But last night had been an... Extraordinary circumstance. And as he watches Nathan contentedly putter about the kitchen, Yuzuru feels relieved. If it took going to bed angry to keep himself from doing something very stupid to his new housemate and bodyguard, then, it was good that he'd done so.

"Hm." Nathan hums aloud, partly so Yuzuru knows he heard him, and partly because it just feels good to make a noise while you're thinking something through.

"Well, I don't know a lot about how the bond is supposed to feel from your end, but I think we agree that our circumstances might be a little unusual." He grins over his shoulder a bit sheepishly. "I was going to ask if I could start keeping a journal of our experiences. For our own benefit, of course."

Yuzuru perks up. "That's a good idea. I like data. I keep it about lots of things in my life."

"Good, I'm glad we can agree on that too. Thank you." Turning around to face Yuzuru again, his smile soft and calm, Nathan waits patiently. "Anything else?"

Yuzuru's done with his fish before he even realized, and he looks at his empty plate before handing it over to Nathan with a contemplative smile. "More juice, if you don't mind. I think I'll indulge today."

He takes the glass with him to refill it, then moves to stand across the counter from Yuzuru. "I was curious about something you said yesterday... about taking care of yourself in place of... of everyone who couldn't?" He knows this is probably dicey territory, but the question has been needling him for hours. 

Nathan's careful with his next question, and Yuzuru, though his shoulders tighten simply because of the topic, appreciates the sensitivity he's showing. These kind of questions are rote to him by now, and there's a kind of numbness that allows him to answer them quickly and easily.

"About three years ago. March 2011. There was an earthquake, and then a tsunami, in my hometown in Japan. And in neighboring prefectures. It was the biggest one... Ever, I think. Many people died. I was able to escape, and my family too. But there have been many sacrifices since then made on my behalf, and in my name. Since I have such a frivolous job as figure skating, I want to use it to live up to those sacrifices. And for the sake of everyone who was affected by the disaster."

Yuzuru explains his confusing statement in clean and precise statements that make it very obvious he's a bit on script about this topic. Nathan's not offended- quite the opposite. He puts a hand over his mouth in a gesture of his quiet shock.

"Oh, I remember that. I didn't realize you were from there. That must weigh heavily on you." He makes a gesture over the counter- an offer of physical comfort if Yuzuru would like it.

"I wasn't old enough, but some of the older people at my home were donated to help with recovery, and clean up. Um. I don't remember the name. Somewhere that started with F, I think."

Yuzuru bows his head shallowly, accepting Nathan's sympathy with gratitude. He's turning his juice glass in his hands, distant, thinking about the rink and the ice and a step sequence.

He's only half listening to Nathan. "That's very kind of them," he murmurs, smiling the press smile. "For an American orphanage to donate to help Japanese people they haven't met... That's very kind."

"Somewhere F? Probably Fukushima. There was a nuclear power plant there, so the damage was extensive.

"Directly after the incident, my family was very helped by the kindness of people donating blankets and clothes and so forth and so on, everything to help those who didn't have homes anymore.” 

"It's improbable, I think, that the blankets I used might have come from your group home, but I think I'll imagine that they were." Yuzuru smiles, slightly more present, warming back up slowly. "It's a fun thought."

"Well..." Nathan says, drawing the word out as he tries to actually catch Yuzuru's gaze. He's frustrated with himself for asking something so serious, so thoughtlessly. Yuzuru feels so distant suddenly, and the gap it leaves in Nathan's senses is unsettling and uncomfortable. He hadn't realized it was a thing that could happen, but he greatly dislikes the sensation. 

"The home wasn't really an orphange." He says carefully, unsure if Yuzuru could even hear him. "I think it was just something the city government wanted to do."

He nods, because Yuzuru is still offering information, even if it really doesn't seem to be for Nathan. "That's right. Fukushima. They sent them because it was too dangerous for human volunteers." 

Yuzuru frowns. "So they sent blankets? ...Oh. You didn’t mean blankets." He frowns, but it doesn't last. The shallow smile comes back.

"I don't think there were any blankets... but maybe." Nathan’s unsure where Yuzuru even got the thought of blankets from. Just his own memory, probably.

"I didn't know vampires are more resistant to radiation than humans,” Yuzuru continues. “You guys are more durable than us in a lot of ways, huh!"

Nathan opens his mouth to correct Yuzuru- the truth is quite the opposite to his knowledge. They were immune to many, maybe even most human diseases, but generally they were more susceptible to the kind of cellular breakdown caused by radiation. 

But then he recalls Yuzuru's nearly incandescent upset over the traditional practice of fasting before bonding, and thinks the thought of vampires being sent in to clean up a nuclear disaster in spite of their weakness in that particular area... Probably won't be any more well received. Especially since the whole event is so personal to him.

It's not lying if he just moves on in the conversation, right?

"Thank you for telling me. I think it will be important for me to know these things."

He clears his throat. "I'll just finish the dishes, and then... does your bed need to be made?" 

Nathan's so  _ gentle _ . Yuzuru really appreciates that.

"No, I make it when I get up. It's like neatening my mind and clearing my thoughts. But thank you."

Standing, Yuzuru hands his juice glass, now empty, to Nathan with a smile. "Once you're done with the dishes, let's go down to the market and buy you some breakfast. Sound good? I'll do my stretches in the living room while you finish up, so there's no hurry."

"Of course." Nathan definitely understands that. Having spent his entire life in the crowded home, a bit of extra neatness was sometimes the only kind of peace he could find. 

He accepts the glass with a smile, ducking his head in a little bow of thanks. "That sounds great. Thank you."

He's glad he's found a way out of the conversation that didn't require him to explain anything else of his nature to Yururu quite yet. He's sure another bomb is waiting to fall, and he hopes he'll be able to anticipate it when it comes, but for now he'll just be content with closure of the gap that had opened while Yuzuru was lost in memory and engaging only by following an obviously well practiced script.

The few dishes left are quickly washed, dried, and put away, and he wipes down the counters and stove for good measure before returning to the living room where, true to his word, Yuzuru is stretching. 

⚯

Eventually, Yuzuru imagines he'll get used to how efficient Nathan is at everything. Midway through only his second rep of hamstring stretches, Yuzuru feels Nathan's gaze on his shoulders, and looks up with a placid smile. 

"I'll be done in half an hour. You can watch if you want, but you don't have to, if you've got something you'd like to do."

Nathan smiles, a bit sheepish and feeling like he was intruding in a ritual that's very much not for him. Even when he's invited to watch, Nathan shakes his head. "Of course. Just let me know when you're ready to go."

He retreats to Yuzuru's bedroom, taking the opportunity to fold up the futon he'd slept on. He's not sure where to put it from there though, so he just sits, kneeling on the floor and waiting with his senses tuned sharply to his bond. 

⚯

Stretching is a part of Yuzuru's every day. Even on days he doesn't have ice time - and those are, always, unwelcome days - he stretches. Physically, mentally - even spiritually, it is as much essential to his well-being and training as any stroking exercise or jump drilling.

He goes through his routine slowly, lingering on the ones that burn harder, listening to his body as it tells him what it needs, and for how long. The stress of the previous conversation bleeds away, melting out of his muscles. 

When he's done, his mind still and centered, his body thrumming with gentle ache and lightly dewed with sweat, he feels more like himself than he has in a week, maybe even since agreeing to take on a vampire bond.

Yuzuru smiles, contented and happy, and gets up.

While Yuzu stretched, Nathan has entered into a peaceful meditation, comforted by the way Yuzuru's mood is clearly calming as well. It's very nice, and he makes a mental note to add this feeling to his notes at well.

His eyes open a moment before Yuzuru appears in the open doorway.   
  
Bemused by Nathan’s timely and sudden attention, Yuzu lets him know that he's going to take a brief shower and get dressed to go out.

"Sure," Nathan says, then puts a hand on the folded futon. "Where should I put this?"

"Don't worry about it, it's fine where it is."

But the mention of getting changed gives Nathan pause. "Do I need to... I don't have any other clothes." 

Nathan's concern, its outward expression muted, is still clear to Yuzuru's observation, and he feels a pang of sympathy which he's careful not to show too clearly, lest Nathan misunderstand it as pity.

"Okay! I'm only changing because I'm sweaty from exercises. You're fine as you are for now. We'll get you some more outfits while we're out."

Nathan smiles again, and nods. "Alright, that sounds good. Go ahead and shower, please don't let me be any more of a bother."

He leaves the bedroom after that, because of course Yuzuru will want privacy after his shower.

It leaves him at loose ends, though. Maybe he was  _ too _ efficient. He'd just wanted to make a good impression.

He ends up sitting on the couch, in the same spot as the previous day, simply waiting in perfect stillness.

  
  


⚯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> updates from here on out will probably slow down, but only because i think i've overwhelmed everybody with how much i posted in november. i'll give you all a chance to catch up. 
> 
> as things stand, _sharpen your teeth_ will have 8 total chapters, then we'll move into _keep my grammar_ which has seven. like i mentioned last time, subscribe the series, not the fic, if you want to make sure not to miss anything.
> 
> thank you for reading.


	6. shopping trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "It's probably the second best thing I've ever tasted."
> 
> "The second best?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> content preview: lots of blood in this chapter, but it's all intentional, don't worry.
> 
> also some racism! boo.
> 
> yuzuru hanyu says shop small! support small businesses 2Kforever

## chapter six: shopping trip

  
  


⚯

  
  


In fifteen minutes, or a little less, Yuzuru's redressed and ready to go. Nathan's clearly more comfortable following than leading, so Yuzuru simply asks him to follow. As they leave the apartment, locking the door behind them, Yuzuru explains how they'll take public transit, a combination of light rail and bus, to cross the city and arrive to the shopping area from which Yuzuru's decided they have the best odds of acquiring fresh, uncooked blood in great enough quantities.

The walk to the station is uneventful, but Nathan can't help looking around in fascination. The word 'tourist' crosses his mind, carrying a negative connotation, and he tries to curb the impulse and properly keep his attention on his bond, but... 

"We'll need to buy a cooler to get it home safely, huh," Yuzu muses aloud, startling Nathan out of his thoughts. He's looking over his shoulder for input from Nathan. They're standing at the rail pass kiosk, buying Nathan his own transit card. Yuzuru taps his way through the menu with practiced speed.

"I'm not sure." Nathan says, shooting Yuzuru a chagrined expression. "I've never done this part before."

"Hmm, no? Do you usually have someone go get it for you? Oh. I guess you'd have to, since until yesterday..." Now it's Yuzuru's turn to look chagrined. 

"I guess you could say it like that." Nathan says, meeting Yuzuru's concern with an encouraging smile. "It's alright. We'll figure it out."

Yuzu rallies quickly, and smiles encouragingly at Nathan, pressing the transit pass into his hand. "Right! Well, we'll figure it out together."

"In America, I think, there are stores sort of specifically for this. Partnered with butchers, I bet. Or farmers, I guess. It would cut down on waste, right?" He clears his throat, watching Yuzuru's hand fly across the terminal screen as he recharges his own pass, too.

"Will you be able to eat some while we're out?" Yuzu asks. "Getting clothes could take a while and I don't want you to be starving all day. We can get you a reusable insulated thermos for it. Opaque so nobody looks at you funny."

"Oh, please don't worry about that. I'm not _ starving _, honestly." It's been less than twenty-four hours since he drank from Yuzuru, after all. This is normal. "Oh! How is your wrist feeling? It should be nearly healed by now. I hope it didn't scar..."

"My wrist?" Yuzu glances back at Nathan, continuing the conversation as he leads the way through the turnstile and onto the train platform. Once they find a place to stand amid the busy crowd, Yuzuru pushes his beaded bracelet aside and briefly examines the spot where his wound had been. Then he just shows it to Nathan, shrugging.

"I don't know actually, I didn't think to look this morning. It doesn't hurt at all, but it really hasn't at all, even right when. Uh, even right at that time, I mean. Is this how it's supposed to look?"

Nathan takes Yuzuru's arm gently and runs his fingers over the thankfully imperceptible place where he had bitten the evening before. "Good!" He says, relieved. "I didn't want it to be an issue, or an inconvenience, since you've seemed very set on doing it that way regularly."

Once they're on the platform, there's technically less for Nathan to look at, and he relaxes into fully focusing on Yuzuru for the first time since they left the apartment. But as a crowd gathered while they await their train, and as they board it when it arrives, Nathan finds his curiosity and, admittedly, his wonder, getting the better of him again.

Exiting the first train, they cross the station to another platform, and standing here, Nathan catches sight of the first of his kind he's seen since leaving California. She appears to be a nanny, if the two human children she's holding by the hands are any indication. She's also, Nathan notes, almost certainly not ethnically Japanese. Her hair and skin are too light, and her eyes are incredibly blue. She must have lived here a long time, though, judging by the fluency of the conversation she's having with the elder child.

Nathan reaches out, touching Yuzuru's arm just above the elbow and indicating the trio with a tilt of his head. "I hope I'll be able to speak that well for you one day." 

It takes Yuzuru a moment longer to identify who Nathan's talking about, but when he does, he peers closer, and even lowers his sunglasses - briefly - to examine the visual information that the vampire and her charges are offering. After a moment, unable to see what Nathan clearly saw, he turns back with a shrug.

"How could you tell?" he wonders, impressed. "Can you smell each other, or something?"

The question actually catches Nathan off guard for a moment, and he blinks slowly at Yuzuru, then shrugs. "I'm not sure, actually! I could just... Tell. I sort of... felt. She stands out, because she and I are the only ones here. I imagine she's noticed me too." 

Sure enough, she's looking their way. So is the younger child, with much more interest. He's not looking at Nathan, though. His eyes are wide and then his mouth forms the shapes 'Hanyu-senshu...' with a soft reverence. 

Nathan smiles. "I think you have a fan. Fancy that." 

"A fan?" Yuzuru turns, again looking at the vampire nanny and her small charges. But this time, he focuses his observation on the children, and sure enough...

_ It was inevitable, _ he thinks, chagrined. Maybe he should have worn a face mask, too. But unlike idols who can hide their body shape in clothing, every inch of _ his _ body is well enough known by the public that, honestly, if they want to notice him, they're going to. One way or another. And while most of Yuzuru is immediately excited to go over and greet his little fan, he notices a trickle of stress, nearly fear, running down his spine. 

Yuzuru is more alarmed by the presence of any fear in his body than by the fear itself. Why should seeing a young fan make him worry? A crowd of adults, perhaps, could in theory surround and overwhelm him - regardless of how improbable that outcome might be, it's possible.

But he has Nathan beside him now. So that (admittedly absurd) scenario would no longer be dangerous to him, if it ever occurred. A vampire bodyguard could carefully and safely extricate Yuzuru from any enthusiastic crowd without harming them or him. His strength would be a blessing.

So why...

The child has begun to vibrate excitedly, simply from the touch of Yuzuru's gaze at this distance, and with an apologetic glance at Nathan, Yuzuru pulls off his sunglasses, pushes his bangs out of his face, and beams sunnily at the child. The boy gasps, his sibling gasps and shrieks, and Yuzuru gains the attention of two more commuters, women of middle age, traveling without accompaniment. As he moves forward towards the children and the women converge on him, Yuzuru mentally accepts that their day's outing will be a bit delayed, and hopes that Nathan doesn't mind too badly.

_ Well, he was going to have to learn about this side of me sooner or later, _ Yuzuru muses. _ I wonder how freaked out he'll be? _

⚯

It all escalates very quickly. Yuzuru reveals himself fully to the child that had been the first to notice him, and then the other child's attention is caught and her response is much more audible. That in turn draws the attention of a pair of adult women, who look at him, exchange some words, and then start moving closer. Nathan gives Yuzuru a little nod in response to his apologetic expression- if this is a regular part of Yuzuru's life, Nathan doesn't only _ want _ to understand and experience it, he _ needs _ to know what it's like. 

With the strangers' attention on Yuzuru, Nathan finds his own sense of the man heightened in a way he hadn't experienced yet. He doesn't register any of these people as a threat, not even the other Domestic, who bows _ very _ low as Yuzuru approaches her and the children and greets him with a deep respect. If the children are fans of his, she's probably seen a lot of his performances too. But still, they are people moving closer into Yuzuru's personal space and they might not be a threat now, but they could turn into a threat, or draw the attention of a threat, at any time. Nathan's entire life is dedicated to protecting the man beside him now, and that means wading into the fray of softly murmuring fans, close to Yuzuru's side. Ready for anything. 

The women stand just to one side, waiting for Yuzuru to greet the children first. It's nice of them, Nathan notes absently. Children were obviously going to be more influenced by this chance encounter. The younger one, the boy, is already babbling excitedly away in a rapid and lisping Japanese that Nathan only just manages to catch a few words of, most of them words that he knows are actually English. _ Olympics, figure skating, _ that sort of thing. He catches _ Hanyu-senshu _a few more times, and a Japanese word that's repeated so often and with such a tone of excitement that Nathan can only assume it means something like 'amazing' or 'awesome'. It's really sweet, actually. 

The elder child, still clutching almost anxiously to her nanny's hand, also puts in a few words. She doesn't have a lisp, but her sentence structure is clearly more complex, and Nathan is _ completely _ lost. The girl says something, the boy throws his arms in the air and spins them around, and Nathan catches the other Domestic smiling down at them. He wonders if she's raised them from birth; if she's bonded just to them or to their parents as well. He wonders a lot about her, suddenly, as she glances at him and they exchange the quiet understanding of their kind. The children wouldn't think anything odd of Nathan's presence- they're used to their nanny and probably think of her as a member of the family. 

But the older women, still patiently waiting for Yuzuru to finish greeting the children before stepping in, they have a different idea of the obvious foreigner. Nathan's senses, more acute during this encounter than they would normally be, can pick up on their whispered conversation with ease while still hearing Yuzuru speaking softly and fondly to the children. He doesn't know Japanese, but he does know a tone of soft disdain when he hears it. 

Nathan's head ducks slightly, feeling shamed suddenly. The last thing he wants is for his presence to reflect negatively on Yuzuru in any way. 

⚯

Yuzuru doesn't have the luxury of giving his full attention to either of these children today. They're in too open of a space, too uncontrolled a situation, and even with Nathan as backup, Yuzuru is acutely cognizant of the potential public safety hazard that might develop if he allows this improptu fan meeting to last long enough for a crowd to gather. On a train platform, if anyone chose to try to push forward through the crowd to reach him...

His victory parade in Sendai was months ago, but the memory of it is fresh in his mind. He's grateful to the organizers, volunteers, and crowd for creating a space in which he could safely be with so many people, without endangering them or himself. And while a part of him still can't quite grasp how very real this has all become by this time, the majority of Yuzuru's mind knows that this - and, inevitably, even more - is the new normal for his life now.

He's crouched down to talk to the children, which puts his head on a level with the younger's height, and below the elder's. His butt's resting on his heels, knees splayed, and with his elbows resting on his thighs, the crouch is a relatively stable, relatively comfortable position. He could hold this for quite a while, if he felt like he could grant these children that much time. Nathan's presence is a solid, still pillar of stability behind him. Yuzuru rocks back on his heels, responding to the elder child's boast with body language and with his words (_ "Uwaaaaah! You have a double already? Sugoi!" _), and his left hip and lower back press against Nathan's shin, arresting his movement. It's very nice to have someone that close by, and his already warm smile warms a bit further.

While he pays them as much attention as they need - though sweet, they _ are _ young, so his full concentration isn't needed to fully follow their conversation and respond with attentive interest - Yuzuru's keeping one ear turned to their surroundings. The nanny is quietly demurring - she and Nathan may be having a conversation that only they can hear, perhaps - and there's more people nearby now. Two older ladies, who have probably attended some of his ice shows, if not his actual competitions, are waiting their turns. They are, however, speaking quietly - at a level that Yuzuru imagines he's not meant to hear. Or is meant to hear, and not meant to acknowledge. He can, however, hear them, and - making his mind up - he stands, bowing his apologies to the children.

"Hanyu-senshu has to go now," he explains to them, patting each on their head in turn. Then he gives a shallow bow to their nanny, and finally stands tall, to address the women waiting to greet him. One has an autograph board ready, and the other is clutching her hands together, fingers moving quickly over some sort of keyfob or perhaps charm pressed between them. Yuzuru smiles, with less warmth than he offered the children, and bows shallowly in greeting to them.

"Thank you for supporting me," he says, honestly meaning every word of it. He's been aware, already, how diversely varied are the views, beliefs, and prejudices of the people who support him. But he'd forgotten until this moment that Nathan would become, as an extension of Yuzuru's self, subject to just as much sharp criticism and impossibly high expectation as the rest of his team already is. Kikuchi-san, Brian, Tracy, his own mother, and even his sister, father, and grandparents - now that he's won in Sochi, no one in Yuzuru's orbit will remain safe from scrutiny.

Best he quash that as soon as it begins.

"This is my bodyguard, Chen-san. He's part of my team now. Please take care of us both in the coming season." Yuzuru bows deeply, and prays that Nathan does so as well. 

⚯

Yuzuru crouches down so he can be at the same height as the children, and Nathan moves in just a little bit closer. Close enough that he can feel the heat of Yuzuru's back against his leg. That's good enough, for now. No threats, and Nathan has an alright line of sight around them. They're plenty far from the edge of the platform, there doesn't appear to be too many other people bothering to pause in their own daily routine for them. He does hear the increasingly common _ Hanyu-senshu _ muttered by some other people as they pass, and _ Olympic figure skate _ by some others, but everyone else has their own places to be and things to do, and they're not actively in anyone's way.

Yuzuru rocks back in a gesture of shock in his conversation with the children, and Nathan shifts slightly, catching his weight against his leg and smiling contentedly to himself as Yuzuru doesn't immediately rock away from him again. 

It's not long after that that he stands up, bows to the children and ruffles their hair, even bows to their nanny - more of his charming obliviousness to their kind, sure, and the woman averts her gaze with a much deeper bow in return, obviously embarrassed by this show of respect from someone so important. 

Yuzuru then turns to address the older women, who have anticipated this and stopped talking among themselves as they turned. Nathan hangs back a bit, still beside and just behind Yuzuru. He speaks Japanese with a much deeper tone than he speaks English, which Nathan finds interesting the more he hears of it. 

Then he catches his name in something Yuzuru is saying, or at least part of his name. He'd never bothered asking where his name had come from, but since everyone in the home had different first and last names, he wondered if maybe it was related to his human parents. 

Yuzuru bows, much more deeply than he had been previously, and Nathan takes the cue easily, tucking both of his hands behind his back and making sure that as he bends at the waist, his head ends up lower even than Yuzuru's does. 

⚯

Nathan bows deeper than Yuzuru, and holds the bow longer. Yuzuru's grateful, and pleased, when he sees this as he stands up and meets the women's somewhat speculative gazes. Good. Pitch-perfect, nothing to be complained about, even in the slightest way. Though, someone probably will anyway. This will hit the internet immediately upon his parting ways with these fans, but the world was going to find out about Nathan sooner or later. Yuzuru supposes that it's good it was found out sooner, as that will put Yuzuru in front of the rumor mill, if he's careful to offer the right information, at the right times, to inform without titillating. It's going to be a tricky balancing act, but he's determined.

"I'll take my leave now," he tells the women, whose expressions go from contemplative to crestfallen, as they realize he's not going to stay around and chat or sign anything. Yuzuru considers - for one split second - telling them _ why _ he's decided to leave so abruptly, and smoothly swallows that impulse as he puts his sunglasses back on and guides Nathan onto their train, which has just signaled the closing of its doors.

Thankfully, the women do not follow.

Once the train is in motion, Yuzuru relaxes, and searches for a seat. His heart's pattering a little faster than usual, and he sighs, frustrated, and drags his water bottle out of his bag to have a sip, in hopes it'll help settle his nerves.

"...Go ahead," he says after a moment, opening one eye. His head's tipped back against the seat's headrest, and though he's already tired, he's smiling, gently amused, because he just _ knows _ Nathan's already got questions. And Yuzuru has discovered he enjoys answering them.

⚯

Nathan's actually a little surprised that Yuzu doesn't stay to chat with the ladies hardly at all. One of them is clearly expecting an autograph, but he doesn't even grant that, and before he knows it, Yuzuru has a hand on Nathan's arm and is guiding him away. He's careful not to look back at the ladies, just following obediently in Yuzuru's wake. Whether the ladies were put off by him because of his species (if they could even tell), or because of his race, or some other reason entirely, Nathan isn't sure. But he's not about to let who he is be dictated by strangers. Yuzuru is his priority. Whatever he does, Nathan will do. It's as simple as that, for him. 

This train is not quite as full as the previous one, and thankfully there's a seat available and no one else in the immediate vicinity that could possibly use it more- no one elderly or with a small child or disabled. Yuzuru sits, and Nathan moves to stand in front of him, holding onto the strap above him and swaying only slightly with the smooth stops and starts of the train as it travels through the city. 

Nathan can just barely make out Yuzuru's eyes behind his sunglasses, so he does notice when one opens up a crack. He's smiling, too, and Nathan smiles back at him, though with a little bit of a lost expression. 

"I'm not sure what you mean," Nathan admits, leaning in a bit and canting his head down so he doesn't have to speak too loudly to be heard over the general sound of the train. No one looks their way on this train. Nathan finds himself quietly thankful for that. "I'm not going anywhere." 

Yuzuru doesn't mean to, but he laughs - not _ at _ Nathan specifically, but perhaps at his purity of misunderstanding. He catches and comprehends implication as much as any other form or aspect of speech, but there's a blind spot, shaped precisely like his own existence, in his ability to apply it.

Yuzuru smiles fondly and tilts his head to the side, which tips his ear up toward Nathan's speech. "Since we're speaking English, that's already a bit of privacy, you know," he points out. "And what I meant is, go ahead with asking questions. I expect you have many."

"Oh." Nathan smiles a bit sheepishly, glancing around again. "Sorry. In America, mostly, people speaking a language other than English usually catches people's attention. I guess that's not as much a thing, here?" 

Yuzuru smiles understandingly. "More, actually. But people mind their own business here. And not everyone knows English, either."

"Not everyone knows Spanish, in America," he points out. "But that doesn't stop people who don't know the language from making it their business." 

Not that he has a lot of experience with that, personally. Just an awareness, a knowledge of what life is like in the country he comes from. He's sure things are different here, and will be different in Canada as well, when they go there.

The train stops at another station, less people get off than get on this time, and Nathan steps even closer to Yuzuru, until Yuzuru's knees are touching his legs. Out of everyone's way, as best he can.

He shrugs one shoulder a little, returning to the primary topic. "I don't know. I'm sure I could come up with questions, if you want. But... This is your life. This is what it's like, right? Who am I to question it?" 

The crowd presses Nathan closer. Yuzuru shifts his knees to the side, so that Nathan's stance slots in around them, and rather than his knees knocking against Nathan's legs, they fit between. Nathan's standing over his lap, more or less, but Yuzuru feels a certain safety in the closeness. He chuckles softly, and tips his chin down to give Nathan a Look over the top of his sunglasses.

"Ohhh, let me see. You're my roommate, bodyguard, and protector. I think that's 'who you are,' and I think that's plenty reason to know more in order to do your job well. Or just to understand better! You're allowed to have your own curiosity as a person, you know. I don't know if that wasn't a thing where you're from, but I'm the boss now, right? So now it is. You are permitted - encouraged! - to be curious and to ask questions."

Nathan stands with his feet together, his legs penned in by Yuzuru's. It's good. Stable mentally, if not the most stable physically. Stable enough for Nathan. 

He's given a teasing look over the edge of Yuzuru's sunglasses and ducks his head, grinning but self-conscious. "I never said I don't have curiosity. I just... Honestly can't think of any questions right now that would be more or less relevant to the current situation. I think you're expecting me to be... Startled, or upset, or something. About your popularity, or that you were noticed at all maybe. And I'm not at all. A contract like you and I have isn't cheap, and you didn't choose to have me on your own. Your sponsor must have paid handsomely for me to be with you all the time, to protect you, I knew that going in. They wouldn't have done that if you didn't have something to need protecting from." 

Yuzuru's starting to understand that he should expect to be surprised by Nathan on a regular basis. He can only shake his head a little, properly amused and abashed, because Nathan's completely correct. And far more intuitively intelligent about this experience he's entered into than Yuzuru had given him credit for. Now it's Yuzuru who's off-balance and out of his element, and he can't say he's been recently familiar with the feeling.

"Well... eheheh. You're not wrong. I don't agree with them, I don't think there's that much danger, but they do, and they had their mind made up. I don't know how much you-- uh, the contract -- cost, but I forgot that you would of course. And I guess you're more experienced with the kinds of placements your, um. Peers? Have received. So that would give you some framework too, wouldn't it. Heh. I guess, hmm. I expected you'd want to know the specific details?"

There's something wildly charming about the little laugh Yuzuru keeps letting out. He's a bit sheepish himself, now, apparently having forgotten that Nathan, by no more virtue than simply living his life, has a bit more knowledge of what their relationship now entails. 

"Oh, I don't know how much for sure." He reassures Yuzuru. He doesn't want him to think he's lording some number over him- _ but for this much money I'd be free of you _ or some nonsense like that. He needs to work on how he presents what are simple facts to him, but obviously cause much deeper thought and examination in Yuzuru. "Just that generally speaking, it's... It's the sort of contract that mostly is either paid for, like yours was, by a corporation seeking to protect an asset, or, more often, by the idly rich who have more money than they know what else to do with." 

He shrugs his shoulder again. The train rocks around a slightly sharper than average curve, and Nathan's free hand reaches down, fingers splayed over Yuzuru's shoulder to hold him steady in his seat. 

"I suppose I will want to know specific details. About your career and all that. What your day to day life was like before me, so I can figure out how to fit myself in. But, experience is a good teacher, too. Does that- people recognizing you in public- happen often? You chose to engage the children- would it have been a bigger problem if you'd chosen not to?" 

Nathan's patient, and his tone is soothingly casual. It's nice. Yuzuru listens, nodding along, to the picture Nathan paints. The explanation makes sense. Yuzuru is perhaps ANA's greatest asset, other than its actual fleet of planes, and considering the scale of support they've invested in him, it's entirely their prerogative to choose how to protect that asset. Though from a personal standpoint, he still isn't convinced the worry is founded, Yuzuru can at least respect that it wasn't his decision to make.

The train rocks sharply; Nathan tips forward, and he braces himself against Yuzuru's shoulder. Yuzuru reaches forward, helping Nathan regain his balance with a hand on his hip.

Yuzuru's hand splays across Nathan's hip, and he smiles warmly down at him. The warmth of his hand is really soothing. It's nice for Nathan, something to keep a mental hold on even as Yuzuru's general aura trends in a bit of an anxious direction. Maybe it's just because they're talking about him being recognized, but he's obviously growing more concerned about it happening more often the longer they're out.

"Well...a lot of it, I suppose we can talk about later, when we've got more privacy. And there's Wikipedia articles, too, if that would help." Sometimes Yuzuru remembers that that isn't a sentence that most people are in the practice of so casually saying. "But yes, that happens a lot. Honestly..."

He glances pointedly around the train car, then brings his gaze back to Nathan, with weight. "Today's been a very light day, so far. It's usually quite peaceful in Canada, but here, less so." Yuzuru makes a point not to turn his head too much, to continue speaking low, and to keep from displaying his profile too obviously. Maybe it's just the conversation topic making him paranoid, but he's starting to wish he'd worn a face mask.

The train slides into another station; the PA announces its name, and the name of the subsequent stop. Yuzuru splits his attention. "The next one's ours." He stands, giving his seat to another passenger, and begins to scoot through the press of fellow travelers toward the door side of the train car. Nathan remains close at his side throughout, which gives Yuzuru one less angle that he needs to watch. It's a nice change.

Weaving through the crush of other passengers, Nathan keeps close to Yuzuru's side, very much aware of every person they move past, any potential threats. Again, nothing seems overly dangerous, but Nathan's beginning to learn that physical danger isn't the only concern Yuzuru has.

The train starts moving again, and Yuzuru sways with the motion, letting his knees absorb the momentum to keep him from wobbling or staggering. The city whips by, office complexes giving way to the gaudy, mismatched signs of a huge shopping district. The train slows, dropping speed before it reaches the station, to ensure a safe stop. Yuzuru thinks about how Nathan had phrased his questions.

"You know, you said, a problem? It wouldn't really happen like that. They would have been very disappointed, but I wouldn't have gotten scolded or anything. If that's what you meant."

Nathan touches his elbow, just briefly, in a show of support and presence, if not actual physical support. Obviously Yuzuru doesn't actually need that.

"Oh! No," Nathan laughs a little, shifting to one side as the door opens behind him so Yuzuru can precede him out the door. Not by much- Nathan is no more than half a step behind him at any moment. "I didn't think anything like that. More... Hmm." He bobs his head from side to side, trying to think of the right way to word what he's thinking. "You went over to speak with the children, but you say you didn't have to. If you hadn't, are you afraid they would have followed you? Endangered themselves, maybe?" 

"Followed me? Not without permission from their caretaker, of course not." Yuzuru looks askance at Nathan as they step away from the train, quickly exiting the platform, and the press of commuters on it. 

Nathan has to assume that at some point he will have settled enough into his life now to stop being surprised by strange gaps in his knowledge about how things work. Perhaps his persistent surprise by things that Yuzuru doesn't understand about him is ill placed. Obviously there's plenty that he doesn't understand either, not just about Yuzuru but about the world in general, and humans in particular. 

They walk to the stairs, and ascend, heading out of the station into sunshine that is, by contrast, startlingly bright. Nathan pauses for a moment, closing his eyes to the glare and instinctively reaching out to put a hand on Yuzuru's arm again. He needs to be able to stay with him if Yuzuru keeps moving, but he also needs a moment to adjust to the natural light. Yuzuru looks around to orient himself, finding the shop he's looking for without too much trouble. 

"That direction," he indicates, pointing at the street, on the other side of the plaza-wide intersection they now stand in front of. "It's down that street and over a couple." 

Nathan glances in the direction Yuzuru's indicating and nodding with a smile. "Lead the way," he says, though he thinks Yuzuru knows by now that he hardly needs to wait for Nathan's go-ahead. 

Shifting his attention back to the conversation as they wait for the walk light to change, Yuzuru wonders briefly what Nathan's experience with children up to this point was like if he thought they were inclined to be unruly and disobedient when in a potentially dangerous location, such as on a train platform. "Earlier, that was -- mm, it was fine. But it could easily become a problem if there were too many people, or if there was an announcement, so that people converged." He chuckles nervously. "It sounds very egocentric when I say it like that. Maybe I don't like explaining my life after all." He's not expressing a serious reconsideration, though his self-consciousness is honest enough.

"I think..." Nathan says, a bit awkwardly to be sure, "That I just don't have the most accurate idea of what humans can and can't do... Or will and won't, maybe. So… your concern, on the train platform, it wasn't because of what _ was _ happening, but because of what _ might _ have?" 

Yuzuru nods, walking ahead of Nathan through the crowd on the crosswalk. "Yes. Looking ahead is an advantage."

"I'll have to work on that." Nathan agrees.

When they reach a clearer space, walking caddy-corner over the center of the broad intersection within the pentagon formed by the painted crosswalk lines, Yuzuru turns on his toes and walks backwards for a pace or two, so he can properly look at Nathan while they converse. Almost immediately, he realizes his mistake; he's let himself relax, let his body language become recognizable. But he can't _ slump_, and he hesitates, calculating what to do, before dropping back down to stand flat-footed and turn again, walking beside Nathan this time rather than ahead.

Now that they're moving around again, Nathan's attention divides once more. Partly he's focused on Yuzuru, who seems to be struggling with deciding how to carry himself and, considering their most recent topic of conversation he supposes he can't blame him. Partly he's also focused on the people around them, especially now that he's more aware of how little it can take for Yuzuru to be recognized. 

There's a lot more people out here than were inside the train stations, which he supposes makes sense. But more room for people also means more room to maneuver, so while he is focused, ready to do his job if his job needs doing, he's also starting to think that Yuzuru's sponsor maybe had the right idea from the start, whether Yuzuru likes the idea or not. Especially here, in Japan, where even in a crowd like this, Nathan identifies only maybe three or four other Domestics immediately obvious. His mere presence at Yuzuru's side has the potential to disabuse people from approaching Yuzuru suddenly. 

He falls more or less into a pace with Yuzuru, turning his head to take in what he's being shown with genuine interest. 

"Um, you maybe can smell the shop by now," Yuzu says, somewhat awkwardly changing the topic. But because he's chosen this shop - this section of shops - for a reason, his enthusiasm for them is able to carry the conversation, and he forces his back and shoulders to _ relax, dammit _, while he excitedly tells Nathan more about the area like some kind of pro bono tour guide. 

"There's a grocery market a couple blocks back. So there's this intersection, with all the big brand shops, the department store, and those offices," he says, pointing to each in turn. "And then, about two blocks back it's all different, like a whole different era. There's family-run shops that have been in business longer than most of these skyscrapers have been standing."

"I take it that's where we're going, then," Nathan says with a little laugh. Probably they don't have blood in big-name department stores. 

"It is!" Yuzuru smiles, pleased. They've encountered a comfortable interruption of their conversation now, and the bulk of their remaining walk is made in companionable quiet. Yuzuru feels the weight of a few more glances, here and there, and does his best not to look, not to meet the gaze of whomever is watching him. Either they've identified him or they haven't; looking at them would only confirm. And he's _ happy _to spend time with fans at many times, in many contexts. But not today, not here.

With practiced ease, Yuzuru shoves down the guilt of wanting time for himself, ignoring the way it pricks at his heart, makes his shoulders tense slightly. It's immaterial. He needs his own time. He has a right to it.

Still walking astride with Nathan, except where the sidewalk or the presence of other pedestrians prevents it, Yuzuru turns left down a narrow alley between two imposingly tall buildings. This shortcut shaves a bit of distance off of the normal route to the market, and better than that, it affords the most dramatic entrance.

At the end of the alley, the canyon of office buildings opens up to a broad, stone-cobbled square. Short, squat little buildings, some still with clay tile roofs, others modernized with neon and glass sliding doors, ring the edge of the market square. In the center, more transient arrangements fill the space - vegetable vendors, livestock sellers, and more than a few street food vendors. Isolated by the cavernous height of the skyscrapers around it, the market square is a happily chattering, squawking, bustling capsule world all to its own.

Yuzuru stands aside, allowing Nathan to exit the alley and take in his first look at the market without Yuzuru's back blocking the view. He knows he's expecting a lot, but he really, really hopes that Nathan sees what Yuzuru sees in this place. That he's as instantly in love with it as Yuzuru was, when he first stumbled upon it.

"We're here."

⚯

A pause has come in their conversation about Yuzuru's life and fame, and that's fine with Nathan. He has plenty of his own thoughts about the matters at hand to digest and contemplate and figure out how to work himself in, how to make his place in Yuzuru's life worth it. How to use what he is, and what they now share, to support Yuzuru's happiness in the best way he can. That's really what all of this is about, what his entire life has been building towards; he just didn't always know it as a child. But now he does. Feeling Yuzuru thrum through him at every moment- his anxiety, and the way he purposefully pushes it away, the way anticipation and excitement creep around the edges to cover up what feels a little like selfishness... 

Yuzuru might not like it now, he might not ever _ like _ it, but Nathan is an extension of him now. His life is Nathan's life. His happiness, Nathan's responsibility. And Nathan _ likes _ that. He's never in his life felt such purpose. 

A bit lost in thought, Nathan doesn't quite realize they've arrived where they're headed until Yuzuru actually announces it, taking a step to the side, and the little market square sort of opens up in front of Nathan. 

"Wow," he says, softly. He turns his head, looking back into the canyon between towering buildings that they'd come through. The position of the market leaves it in a constant state, not of shadow but at least of a more muted brightness than, for example, they'd reached when exiting the train station. 

It feels out of place, but not necessarily in a bad way. No more, Nathan muses, than he himself feels out of place. A bit different, but still doing what it does best. 

He smiles at Yuzuru. "This is really amazing. It doesn't even feel like it's in the city." 

⚯

Oh, he _ likes _it. Yuzuru is delighted, and it shows on his face, in the way his nose scrunches up under the bridge of his sunglasses, almost as if it'll disappear entirely. He pushes his hands into his pockets, hops from one foot to the other, and springs into forward motion, too excited to wait for Nathan to take the lead.

"Probably you can follow your nose from here," he laughs. But he points, too, and leads the way, taking off his sunglasses and pushing his bangs back from his face as he goes.

Some of the shopkeeps recognize him, and Yuzuru beams back at them, greeting most of them by name and blanking out, apologetic but unashamed, on others. None of these businesspeople seem any younger than Yuzuru's parents' age, and probably, though he's not too clear on guessing Europeans' age by sight, they're about as old as that other vampire Rafael. Well, as old as he would be if he was a human. Probably.

Distracted and enthusiastic in equal measure, Yuzuru leads Nathan through the grid of transient shops and food stalls toward the butcher's shop, located on the far side of the square. Its windows gleam brightly even in the indirect sunlight, freshly cleaned and polished. Yuzuru feels nervousness re-enter his mind, for the first time since entering the square, as he reaches the door. The ferrous smell of fresh meat, borne on the chilled air of the shop, puffs into his face, and presumably Nathan's, as Yuzuru opens the door and steps inside.

_ You've got this, _ he reminded himself. _ You researched. _

⚯

_ Cute_. Nathan can't help but think it. Yuzuru _ is _ cute. They're nearly the same age, even it that means different things for each of them, but there's something inherently intriguing about Yuzuru, how easily he switches between a serious self-assured adult man, and an almost childlike wonder and expression. 

Clearly he shops here often enough, because he knows many of the present employees - possibly even the store or shop owners - by name. Generally the attitude and the crowd here seem older, and more subdued, than the crowd out on the other side of the towering offices. 

Nathan has no intention of leading the way - not just by his nature but also because he has no idea where they're going. He knows that Yuzuru intended to get him food before they did anything else, but they also hadn't yet discussed the specifics of that. There's more than one place here that could conceivably feed Nathan, but Yuzuru seems to have someplace specific in mind, so he leads the way and Nathan follows, dutifully aware of their surroundings but relaxing into a more comfortable vigilance, instead of the hyperawareness he'd begun to experience on the train and out on the major thoroughfares. 

Where he does end up leading Nathan, towards the back of the square, is a meticulously clean and neat little butcher, and Nathan smiles his appreciation to Yuzuru. "I think this'll probably be good," he says softly as Yuzuru opens the door, and the warmth of the summer is briefly chased away by the rush of air conditioning. 

He reaches to hold the door for Yuzuru as he walks in, and then looks around curiously. He knows they're here for him, technically, but what's displayed _ isn't_, and Nathan finds himself falling into his training, reaching to touch Yuzuru's wrist. 

"These cuts are fantastic." He says earnestly. "Please tell the shopkeeper so for me. You need to tell me what kinds of meat you're allowed, alright?" 

⚯

Inside the butcher's, Nathan lights up, and his genuine enthusiasm is so contagious that it's almost okay how quickly Nathan's gotten distracted. But, they're here to feed Nathan.

"I can have any meat I want, really, but we're here for _ you,_" Yuzuru says patiently. However, he's had a giggle thanks to Nathan's swerve, and it's done a lot to relax his nerves.

Yuzuru laughs, and Nathan realizes why a moment too late, ducking his head and taking his hand away from Yuzuru's arm, tucking his arms back and folding his hands in the small of his back. "Of course. I forgot. Alright."

He sets aside the thoughts of the dishes he'd like to prepare for Yuzuru, the things he'd like to feed him and watch him enjoy, for just a moment. They're here for him, of course, but he's also hoping they can leave with some of the other wares, too. 

Feeling more confident, Yuzuru walks up to the counter. Rather than the middle, at the "order here" sign, or the near end, where "pay here" is marked, Yuzuru stands at the far end, beneath a sign marked only with a large V.

Yuzuru approaches the marked area and Nathan's attention goes with him. He looks past the nicely lit displays of cuts and chops and dressed poultry, first watching Yuzuru, then following obediently.

[ _Hello, _] Yuzuru begins, smiling politely at the butcher as she towels off her hands and approaches the counter. [ _I'd like to buy food for my- my Domestic. _]

The butcher's eyes pass over Nathan, not with any particular judgement but perhaps with a hint of appraisal. She clearly knows what she's doing, and speaks to Yuzuru in a polite enough tone, though she seems to be a gruff woman by nature. 

Of course, she's speaking Japanese, and Yuzuru is responding in kind. Nathan has no idea what they're talking about. 

[ _ You chose a good place. There are many types here. Is he Chinese？ What is he for？ _]

Yuzuru answers smoothly, pleased that he's prepared and researched and can answer the butcher intelligently.

[ _ Your shop is the best place to feed the city's domestics. Since he is my bodyguard, I want to give him the best. _ ]

He thinks for a moment. Then, conspiratorially, he leans in a little and adds a bit more with a smile. 

[ _ He is American. He's not used to Japanese quality. _ ]

Well. That last bit's a fib, kind of, but the butcher doesn't have to know all the details of Nathan's eating habits up to this point. It's easier to simplify his explanation this way. Still - it's probably good Nathan can't understand him right now.

[ _ Oh, an American. _ ] The butcher replies, again giving Nathan an appraising look. Nathan, with a glance at Yuzuru and the encouraging look he gets in return, looks up to meet the butcher's eyes briefly. They're obviously talking about him, since _A__merican _ sounds about the same as it does in English. 

[ _ They're only interested in maximizing profits, not taking care of the investments they have made. _ ]

She smiles, a bit weary but obviously flattered by what Yuzuru's saying. [ _ So, just the normal case？ Bodyguard？ So you'll want to keep him strong. I have just the thing. _] 

Yuzuru nods in agreement. [ _I don't think they are compassionate,_ ] he says. [ _But that is not my culture. I try not to judge._ ]

She nods and pats the counter before turning her back, retreating into the rear of the shop. 

While the butcher's busy fetching his request, Yuzuru grins sidelong at Nathan. He's excited - feeding Nathan won't be the same, this time, but it's still the act that Yuzuru's built his day around. It's important, and though he knows it works differently for vampires, the thought of going this far into the day - into the afternoon, even! - without _ any _ food just turns his stomach. He can't imagine how weak he'd be feeling.

Nathan shoots Yuzuru an inquisitive glance. "I have to admit I'm curious about what all you're talking about." 

"You," he teases.

Nathan can't help but pout a little when Yuzuru teases him like that. It's a playful pout - he's not really upset at all. Quite the opposite, in fact. He loves that Yuzuru feels like he can be teasing like that with him, and he loves that he can be playful back. 

The butcher returns with a small styrofoam cooler, which she sets on the counter and removes the lid to show the neatly packaged bags of blood to Yuzuru.

[_ It is a mixture of beef and chicken, with pigs for_ balance,] she instructs him. [ _Give him two cups daily, not all at once. Two meals. He will argue, because it is what Americans do, but this is the best practice. _ ] 

[_ Two？_] He isn't questioning her experience, but the number is not what Nathan had told him the previous day, and Yuzuru's dismayed - but somehow not surprised - to learn that at the American vampires' home where Nathan came from, the mistreatment runs deeper than Nathan knows. [ _ Alright, two. Is breakfast and dinner time good, like with my meal？ _] 

The butcher replaces the lid on the cooler, closing the seal tightly, and pats it. [ _ Yes, that would be fine. This is 5 liters and should last him for about 10 days. Come back anytime, or call, if you need more or have more questions. Alright？ _]

Taking the cooler, Yuzuru hands it to Nathan, then digs in his pocket for his wallet. [ _ Thank you very much for your help. How much will it be？ _ ]

While Yuzu and the butcher have been talking, Nathan found his attention lost in the rapid exchange of Japanese. His attention is drawn again to the meats that are on display. He entertains himself with mental comparisons: what looks best versus what he knows he's capable of cooking. He wants to learn more Japanese style cooking for Yuzuru eventually, but for now he has to stick with what he already knows. 

Yuzuru makes a sound and Nathan turns his attention back to him in time to take the offered cooler. It's not exactly light, but it's hardly overwhelming for him. Then Yuzuru draws out his wallet, and Nathan clears his throat. 

"Can we get some meat, too? The pork chops look incredible. And the flank steak..." 

Wallet open, Yuzuru pauses and turns to give Nathan a quizzical look. But he doesn't argue, just smiles scrunchily at Nathan - "Okay with me. Pick out what you want." - and then again at the butcher. [_ Please add whatever he'd like to my order. _]

Those all scrunched up smiles are quickly becoming Nathan's favorite reward. Encouraged, he points at the things he wants, privately grateful that the butcher is being so patient with him even though he doesn't know a single word of Japanese. 

He's not sure about what his food costs, in general or specifically here, so he tries to be relatively frugal with his meat selections. Money isn't really something he's ever handled, himself, but he has enough of an awareness of it not to want to put an unnecessary financial burden on Yuzuru. 

Satisfied with some pork chops, a few steaks, and a whole chicken, he nods and bows to the butcher again, who settles in to wrap up the order. Nathan sets the cooler he's carrying on the stretch of counter marked _ pay here_, so she can add the meat to it. 

As Nathan requests the cuts he wants, following the butcher down the length of the case and indicating his choices by pointed finger, Yuzuru follows along at his shoulder, observing the process curiously. "Are you going to cook one of these tonight?"

He looks at Yuzuru with a smile. He knows his fangs are showing, but he finds he doesn't feel too self-conscious about it, either. "I'd like to, yes." 

Watching Nathan's selections - specifically, watching the way he indicates the size of cuts of meat he wants with the spread of his hands - Yuzuru considers that he should have reassured Nathan ahead of time about the expense of all this. Yuzuru could have gone to any poultry shop, or any restaurant with roasted peking ducks hanging in the front window, and asked for their surplus blood. It would have been cheaper, but Yuzuru's not interested in cheap. Even if he was footing the bill for this himself, he'd invest in quality food for Nathan, on the same principle that he buys it for himself. But, he's not. This was ANA's idea, and this will be ANA's bill to reimburse.

Well, next time, Yuzuru will remember to tell Nathan he can spend freely. For now, this is plenty of food for both of them for the next few days.

Nathan's smile is sharp and bright, and Yuzuru manfully suppresses _ every _ thought brought up by the clear sight of those gleaming fangs again. He pays, thanks the butcher, and they leave.

The butcher bows them out of the shop, and Nathan's careful to bow respectfully to her in return as he holds the door for Yuzuru, because he's starting to learn it's just the right thing to do, and he wants to make a good impression on someone he imagines they're going to see a lot of. Or, maybe not, as Nathan remembers Canada and the amount of travelling they're going to be doing. 

"Let's sit and eat before we go clothes shopping," Yuzuru suggests, stopping in the center of the market to sniff the air. "It all smells so good. And you can eat yours, too, while we sit. You can't walk around with a drink in Japan like you can in Canada. Or in the US. So we should eat here before we continue."

Nathan edges closer to Yuzuru, close enough to feel the heat of his body on his arm, and smiles again. "Are you hungry again? We should absolutely get you something to eat too." He's not surprised at all that Yuzuru's going to insist he eats right now, though he imagines the etiquette of not walking around with a drink is far and away removed from the etiquette of not drinking blood in public. Is there even etiquette for that? 

"What do you want?" he asks, genuinely curious about this as well. He wants to increase his knowledge of Yuzuru's likes and tastes.

"I could eat," Yuzuru muses wistfully, wandering between the shops. "I think I want yakitori."

Yuzuru follows his nose, and Nathan follows his bond, to a yakitori vendor's cart. They're greeted almost immediately and with a great familiarity. The vendor greets Yuzuru warmly, calling him "Yuzu-kun," and hands a full skewer to him. He also offers a skewer of meat to Nathan, who shifts the cooler to one hip so he can accept the offering with a little bow of thanks. 

Nathan examines the meat with a detached curiosity, and then watches Yuzuru take a bite of his with much more attentive interest. He even makes a little contented sound that makes Nathan's heart flutter a little. What is _ that?_ It's adorable, is what it is. And very very gratifying. 

Yuzuru continues nibbling on his chicken while he watches the vendor prepare a fresh set of meats, skewered on bamboo picks. He seasons them differently, winking at Yuzuru, and Yuzuru turns to Nathan in delighted disbelief.

"He says we can have these. They were out for a while so he was going to have to get rid of them soon anyway, since they went cold. And look, he remembers my favorite seasoning. It's been at _ least _ a year since I've been here, but he remembered." Yuzuru feels so gratified that he's sure he must be physically glowing with the strength of it.

"That's very kind of him." Nathan says softly. "Can you teach me how to say thank you? I know it's... Ari... Ariga--?" He pauses before he embarrasses himself too much. 

"_Arigatou gozaimashita._" Yuzuru sounds out the syllables carefully, with a smile that says he's coached others on this phrase before. Then, happily, he turns his attention back to his chicken.

Obviously it's something that Yuzuru teaches people to say a lot, and the sounds are familiar enough to Nathan that he's able to reasonably echo them back to the yakitori vendor, together with a deep, thankful bow. The man smiles warmly enough at him, maybe with a hint of confusion about his presence- obviously the last time he saw Yuzuru he was either alone, or maybe with his mother. 

"Let's sit down?" Nathan says then, turning his head and jerking his chin towards a nearby bench. 

Yuzuru seems contented to follow Nathan's lead at the moment, so with a careful nudge of his elbow, he leads Yuzuru to the bench, and then waits for him to sit before sitting beside him. 

That done, he offers the stick of yakitori he's still holding to Yuzuru. "Here." 

"Mmm! Thank you." Yuzuru holds the second skewer between his knuckles while he nibbles his way through the first one. He nods at the cooler Nathan's set down near their feet, suggesting he should start on his meal, too. "So, does blood taste differently when it's frozen, instead of liquid? Like ice pops?"

While he's still not sure about the etiquette, Nathan trusts his bond not to put them in a position to break any laws or anything like that, so he leans down and opens the cooler, shifting the cuts of meat aside to pull out one of the bags. He weighs it thoughtfully, judging it to probably be around a cup, if not _ meticulously _ measured. But it saves him the trouble of worrying about wasting any of it, so he lifts the bag in a kind of awkward toast to Yuzuru, and tears a tiny hole in the corner of the plastic with one fang. 

"Hmm?" He responds to Yuzuru's question, squishing the bag a little. It is still partially frozen, which isn't something Nathan's ever experienced, actually, but he knows it won't hurt him. He shrugs. "I'm not really sure. What's different about ice pops? Aren't they just colder?" 

"Ice pops are frozen," Yuzuru explains, watching Nathan open the bag - Yuzuru is immediately amused at himself for forgetting that a knife or scissors simply wouldn't be necessary.

"I figured that!" Nathan says with a laugh, shaking his head. He knows he can be a little sheltered, a little obtuse, and very much foreign in the literal sense, that America is very different from Japan just on a macro scale as well as on the minor scales that Nathan knows more personally. But he knows that ice pops are frozen!

"I meant it makes it taste different! Or feel different in your mouth," Yuzu clarifies. 

Nathan shrugs - he doesn't actually know the answer to any of that - and closes his mouth over the hole in the bag, sucking up a thoughtful mouthful of the blood. It's cold, which is strange, but it's not _ bad _. Far from it, actually. He hadn't asked Yuzuru what it was, but he can taste at least three distinct layers to the flavor, which is much more in a single mouthful than he'd ever had before. "Oh, it's really good!" 

As Nathan tastes the blood, clearly rolling it around in his mouth, it reminds Yuzu of the way that he might measure the flavor of tea. Nathan's face lights up and Yuzuru narrowly restrains the urge to cheer. He's very proud of himself, and pleased on Nathan's behalf.

"Oh, good! I'm glad. Iwai-san's shop is the highest recommended place for blood for eating in the city. I looked up where we should go, and the internet told me here. Which wasn't really that surprising, really, even though it was surprising because I've been coming here for a long time but didn't know Iwai-san offered that service. But I mean it wasn't surprising that it was _ Iwai-san's_ products that were recommended. Everyone here, every shop - they're all the _ best _ at what they do. Absolutely the best. And they all know each other and care about each other's families, and health, and so on."

Yuzuru smiles softly, yakitori skewer sticking out of his mouth, and watches Nathan eat. He's mindful not to speak with his mouth full when he continues. "Everything tastes better when it's made with love."

Nathan nods along with Yuzuru's excited babble, proud of him for having done the research, proud of him for already knowing the place. Just... Uncommonly proud, and contented, in this moment, as he sips thoughtfully at his meal and simply enjoys it.

He covers his mouth with one hand as he swallows and makes sure to properly clean his lips and teeth of any lingering blood before he speaks again. "Tasting this, I can really believe it. I almost want to go back and thank her again. It's really incredible. I should have figured the quality would be better than what we got back home, but this is really something. Probably the second best thing I've ever tasted." 

"The second best?" Yuzuru asks the question before his brain catches up with his mouth. "What was the--_ Oh._"

"** _Oh._**"

Nathan hadn't really been thinking what he was saying through, either. He was just being open and honest with his bond in a genuine way. But as soon as he realizes what he has said - as soon as Yuzuru questions and then immediately realizes the _answer_ to his question - Nathan's blushing, and Yuzuru's blushing, and Nathan quickly looks away from Yuzuru's face and sucks on another mouthful of blood to give himself a moment to recover and school his expression.

Clearing his throat, he shoots Yuzuru a tentative smile. "Yeah. There's obviously something special about live blood. Right? And the bond. So... 

"But this _ is _ good. Really good. Thank you." 

Yuzuru's not too embarrassed to notice how quickly Nathan's flush fades. Is he better at recovering, or is that a vampire thing? Yuzuru decides he'll do the research online later. For now, as Nathan thanks him, Yuzuru's trying to figure out the best - and least insulting - way to respond, when the yakitori vendor interrupts them briefly to deliver his meal, three freshly cooked skewers of chicken.

As the vendor approaches them, Nathan folds his hands around his meal, trying to hide it from view. He keeps his mouth shut when he smiles and bows his head in thanks to the vendor for bringing Yuzuru's food. 

He doesn't like to think he's ashamed of his nature- it's simply who he is. But eating in public isn't something he's ever done, and he wouldn't be at all surprised by any given human being shocked or disgusted by it. 

The vendor doesn't say anything to Nathan, though, and Yuzuru doesn't draw his attention to him either.

Yuzuru pays cash for his food, telling the man to keep the change. There's quiet for a bit. Both Nathan and Yuzuru are focused on their food, which in both cases is very good indeed, and it's only once he's more than halfway through his meal that Yuzuru voices what's on his mind.

"You don't need to thank me for something like that, you know. Everyone needs to eat. Everyone should get to have good food. When you have the opportunity to help others eat well, BE well, it's an obligation as a member of humanity to do so."

When Yuzuru speaks, his voice carries a certainty that traces a prickle down Nathan's back. It's not a command or an order or anything like that, but it's something that Yuzuru feels strongly about. Strongly enough, in fact, that it almost imprints itself on Nathan. 

If only he could really _ understand _ . "I believe that too." He says carefully, though he knows it's a little dishonest of him, because he should be reminding Yuzuru that the vast majority of people they're likely to interact with moving forward wouldn't consider Nathan a _ member of humanity _. But, he understands the obligation quite well. "But it's still... Just respectful, to thank someone for doing something. Isn't it?" 

"It is," Yuzuru agrees, watching Nathan's expression, his body language. He seized up like a startled mimosa leaf when the yakitori vendor came near. He didn't start to uncurl until the vendor had moved well away already.

Yuzuru chides himself. He should have thought of that. Of _ course _ Nathan would be on edge, eating in public. He can't have been accustomed to many humans giving him the regard that Yuzuru does. And given what Yuzuru already knows about the vampire home he came from, Nathan is probably more used to going hungry than being afforded the dignity of eating a meal in peace.

Rather than instruct Nathan not to fear - which, since they haven't tested commands about emotion, might not even _ work _, aside from it being a huge violation of rights and ethics - Yuzuru changes the topic.

"So, next is clothes shopping, right? What's your favorite color?"

⚯

Nathan nods amicably along with Yuzuru's words, and mostly just focuses on emptying his bag without making a mess. It's a warm enough day, and combined with Nathan's protective grip on it, the blood has thawed almost completely by the time he's done eating, which makes it easy to squeeze every available drop out of the plastic. It really is the best thing he's ever eaten (he doesn't really think of his feeding from Yuzuru as 'eating', and he's not quite ready to examine that thought too closely yet), and he doesn't want to be wasteful.

Yuzuru then asks him another question he's never been asked before. He licks his lips carefully as he rolls the bag up tight, and places it back into the cooler, unsure of where to dispose of it properly. 

"Um. I don't... I've never given it much thought before." He tilts his head a little, and shrugs. "What's your favorite color?" 

Yuzuru figures he should have expected Nathan to turn the question right back around on him.

"I don't want to tell you that! Then you'll pick that color," Yuzuru laughs, wagging a finger at Nathan scoldingly. Then, snickering at himself, he leans back, stretching his arms over his head with the satisfaction of a good meal well enjoyed and a hot day relaxing all the muscles the sunlight can touch.

"Not necessarily!" Nathan protests with a laugh. "I just... Wanted to get an idea of what the right kind of answer is." 

The right _ kind _ of answer? There's so much different about the way Nathan thinks, such difference that he seems almost alien, and it comes out in the oddest ways.

"If you asked my friends, they'd probably tell you it's gold," Yuzuru murmurs, eyes closed, head tipped back. His face is fully turned to the sky. 

"I guess they're not wrong, either. Hee."

"Gold…" Nathan echoes, his eyes and all of his attention fully consumed by the peaceful look on Yuzuru's face. He watches Yuzuru stretch, a matching smile resting comfortably on his own face. Yuzuru's so relaxed right now. It's relaxing for Nathan, too, to feel that calm and satisfaction radiating from his bond.

"Is that the same kind of favorite color as you'd want for clothes, though?" 

Yuzuru tips his head to one side, squints open one eye to look at Nathan. He finds Nathan looking at him, intensely, but it doesn't feel uncomfortable. Nor does it feel uncomfortable to meet and hold Nathan's gaze, which he does.

Nathan considers averting his gaze when Yuzuru looks over at him as well, but as soon as their gazes lock, Nathan dismisses that thought entirely. He keeps his eyes on Yuzuru's, marveling in the oddly casual intensity. 

"No, not really," Yuzuru admits. "I like wearing a lot of black, I guess? It's easy."

Nathan nods thoughtfully, and gestures at his own clothes, which are in fact black. "Black's most of what I've ever worn. Lots of black, lots of dark grey. Not a lot of white... I had a blue sweater I really liked when I was younger."

"Mm, blue is nice too," Yuzuru muses. "But oh! You know, about gold, Misha would! Oh my god, Misha would. And Boyang. I think he'd wear a whole gold tracksuit."

Nathan's smile doesn't waver for a moment as Yuzuru's energy spikes and he chases a new topic. On the contrary, he thinks it might be getting wider. He's sure his fangs are showing, but he's not ashamed of them in this moment. 

"Are they your friends? I look forward to meeting them." 

The gaze they're sharing has a weight, a pressure, and Yuzuru wouldn't put it down if you paid him.

"Even better. They're my competitors. And my friends. You'll like them." It's not a command - just a statement of confidence. Yuzuru knows they'll see what he sees in Nathan. He just knows it.

"I'm sure I will." Nathan agrees. No, it wasn't a command. But it wasn't a guarantee either. Nathan can't help the little fear, that Yuzuru's important people won't like him, won't want him around, won't trust him. 

The mere thought, fleeting though it is, gives Nathan a brief but bone-deep chill. 

He clears his throat, and then smiles away his concern. No use worrying until they know. 

Oblivious to Nathan's spike of fear, Yuzuru is already up and bustling around again, collecting their garbage and sorting it so they can throw each piece away in the proper trash cans at the center of the plaza. With a plan now in place, he's restless, eager to get started. 

"Okay! We have a starting point! We'll find you some black so you match me, and some blue too. Ready to go?"

"Matching you? I like that idea." Nathan picks up the cooler, rests it against his hip, and offers his free hand to Yuzuru. "Let's go."

⚯

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> only two more chapters to go!
> 
> once this fic concludes, part two of the _vampires will never hurt you, darling_ series will begin. it will be called: **"sink into me (keep my grammar well rehearsed)"** and it will be a separate fic connected to this one within this same fic series.
> 
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	7. orders of importance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nathan's done nothing today but make breakfast and had money spent on him. He's feeling more like a burden than an asset, and he doesn't like it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter is sweet and domestic, but its undercurrents run deep, laying dangerous groundwork. orders of importance: they come in so many kinds and ways. purchase orders, domestic chores orders, dinner orders, order of operations. there's also 'chain of command,' which - well, we'll get into that one later.
> 
> no specific CW for this chapter, save for the constant background presence of the bond of compulsion that yuzuru has on nathan, and what that entails and implies about compromised consent.

## chapter seven: orders of importance

  
  


⚯

  
  


Clothes shopping, though exhausting, goes smoothly. Despite his protests, Nathan acquires six more shirts and six more pairs of pants, as well as all the little notions that go along with, like socks, underwear, and a belt or two. He also gains jackets (one heavy and one light), a new pair of sneakers, gloves, and a pair of lightly damaged but still cute Halloween-vampire-themed oven mitts that Yuzuru finds languishing, all by themselves, in the clearance miscellany bin at a 100-yen shop and almost pees himself laughing over.

Next on the agenda is formalwear. An increasingly uncertain Nathan is handed over to the staff of the men's department at Lawson's, and an hour later, they're checking out with two suit shirts, three ties, two pairs of pants, and one trim suit jacket. Then Yuzuru realizes he's forgotten things, and drags Nathan back inside to find a pair of nice shoes to go with the suit - and socks to go with those, and a tie tack just because.

By the time they're done there, the shopping day is coming to a close, and most stores are closing their doors for the night. Yuzuru, wearing the face mask that he'd bought first off, as soon as they'd entered the first store, reluctantly tucks away his sunglasses, accepting that as evening progresses, they'll attract more attention than they'll dissuade.

On the train home, Yuzuru sitting and Nathan standing above him, as before, Yuzuru pulls the cooler out of Nathan's hand and sets it on his own lap, wrapping both arms around it contentedly. Of all their day's prizes, the cooler was the only one, excepting Yuzuru's face mask, they carried with them. Their purchases, voluminous and unwieldy, have been bundled together and entrusted to the delivery services of the most high end clothing store they patronized today. It will all arrive at the apartment tomorrow, Yuzuru sleepily explains to Nathan, so could he be ready to sign for it? Oh, he'll have to show Nathan where he keeps the  _ hanko _ .

Nathan is a little frazzled by the time they're on the train back to the apartment. He wasn't sure what he was expecting from shopping for clothes, but what they actually ended up doing was... Thorough and exhausting even for Nathan. He can't imagine what it must be like for humans, but maybe if he were human, or they'd been shopping for Yuzuru instead of Nathan, they wouldn't have done it all in one day like this.

He's quite sure he doesn't need as much clothing as they end up buying. He's never in his life had more than three of any single article of clothing, and even that was only occasionally. As long as he had something to wear while something else was being cleaned, that was enough for him. Though, of course, he hardly ever left the home, and wasn't often seen by people who might judge him for wearing the same thing every day. That had changed, now, so of course he needs enough of a wardrobe to be presentable. For Yuzuru's sake. 

Still, it seems like so much, even knowing that Yuzuru's sponsor must be paying for most, if not all, of it. 

Nathan knows he's probably been pretty obstinate, by the time they finally leave the store where they bought the 'formal wear'. Yuzuru had to order him to be patient with the store clerks who were responsible for measuring him so his clothes would fit properly, which in retrospect made Nathan feel like more of a burden than he ever wanted to be. 

The train home isn't terribly crowded, and there's a seat available next to Yuzuru's, but Nathan doesn't feel like sitting. He's too restless. He still has physical energy, but he feels very worn out mentally. So he stands in front of Yuzuru as he did before, knees touching knees, one hand holding a strap overhead. Yuzuru takes the cooler from him, and sort of hugs it. It's cute, and Nathan gives him a soft, if tired, smile. 

He assures Yuzuru he will be awake early enough to sign for the packages when they arrive, but is otherwise quiet. Yuzuru seems quiet, too, but not upset. Just tired, if anything, and Nathan understands that very well.

When they arrive at home, Nathan takes the cooler into the kitchen at once, still feeling a little restless. 

Yuzuru trails after him, and Nathan looks over at him with a hopeful expression. "What would you like for dinner?"

He's done nothing today but make breakfast and had money spent on him. He's feeling more like a burden than an asset, and he  _ really _ doesn't like it. 

It's been a long day for both of them, though Yuzuru imagines that he had a better idea of what they were in for than Nathan did. He's mulling over various plans for the next day - primarily to get back on the ice, because there's taking it easy and then there's letting himself go, and he hasn't been on ice in a day and a  _ half _ , and it's making his skin itch.

Nathan asks him a question, and Yuzuru pauses, hand on the handle of the refrigerator by force of habit. He plays back the question, realizes the pattern he automatically started following, and steps back from the fridge with a contented, lightly surprised smile for Nathan.

"Oh, wow. I was so tired, I automatically--" He gestures at the fridge. "I was going to make cold dinner, but - you are here!" 

It's such a small thing. A hot meal at the end of a day that has tired him out. When his mother was living with him, she looked after everything he needed, and Yuzuru was - still is - endlessly grateful for her care. But in the week he's been living on his own, practicing living without his mother here in Tokyo before flying all the way over to Toronto without her, he's gotten into some perhaps...questionable...habits. He's been eating properly, mostly, and  _ most _ of his meals have not consisted of whatever he first notices in the refrigerator upon opening it. But meals are hard! Much harder than he'd ever realized before, and he's already called his mother three times to tell her so, and thank her, retroactively, for allowing him to go this long before discovering that fact.

Honestly, Yuzuru had found that everything except skating and math is hard in a way that he's not good at. It's been a frustrating realization. So - as it really clicks in his brain, in a way that - for whatever reason - it had not yet done, that Nathan is now going to take care of the chores Yuzuru's mother used to, that his brief purgatory of bogglingly overwhelming housekeeping has come to an end, Yuzuru hops forward and flounces both his arms all the way around Nathan in a big, if brief, hug.

"Thank you, Nathan! I want sukiyaki!"

Yuzuru was halfway into the refrigerator himself when Nathan asked, and when he pulls, he looks surprised, but also bone-deep relieved, and Nathan's so grateful for the sensation that he doesn't startle at all when Yuzuru jumps at him and throws his arms around him. He doesn't have the most experience with hugging, but he's happy to indulge his bond in any way that presents itself, so he lets his arms settle around Yuzuru's waist and he holds him with a gentle firmness. 

"I have no idea what that is!" He says amicably. "But I'd love to learn. If you find me a recipe in English I can follow it, or you can just tell me what to do? What looks right?" 

Nathan's hands - forearms, really - feel  _ right _ as they settle into the dip of Yuzuru's waist, just above his hipbones. It's his favorite thing in the world, aside from skating, and Pooh, and earphones, and okay, it's not his favorite thing but it's  _ one of _ his favorites, being held like this, and Yuzuru scrunches down to tuck his face into Nathan's neck briefly before he pulls away, and feels a sudden, stabbing longing for a different scent, a different body, a different person in his arms.

Yuzuru backs up, waving his hands distractedly. "Oh, it's okay! I'll find a recipe, but it's kind of a long-cooking dish anyway, so maybe it's a bad choice for tonight, since we're both tired. Another time."

"Hm, how about eggs? I want a big scramble. With scallions and lots of veggies and some meat mixed in, and, hm, mirin! In the eggs when you cook them, so they taste good. Okay? And then let's eat on the couch and watch TV before bed."

The sudden sense of deep longing strikes Nathan as fully as if Yuzuru had actually hit him, and he takes a shaky breath, letting it out slowly.

"I don't mind-" Nathan starts, because he  _ is _ tired but he also feels like he needs to do  _ something  _ and since they've been out all day, and none of the purchases outside of the meat and the blood had come home with them, he doesn't have any other cleaning or tidying to do. But Yuzuru goes right on to explaining what he wants instead, and none of his words are commanding enough to be a  _ command _ so the first reference to sukiyaki hadn't yet made a firm hold on him. 

"Okay. That sounds good." Nathan laughs, giving Yuzuru an extra squeeze before pulling away and going right to preparing the dish. It doesn't take too long, cracking eggs and slicing and chopping some of the fresher vegetables he found in the fridge, commenting to Yuzuru as he goes that they should probably go grocery shopping for Yuzuru soon too. He thinks that once they're in Canada he'll be able to go shopping on his own, saving Yuzuru the trouble. 

He chooses chicken as an appropriate meat for this dish and adds some of that in as well. 

Before terribly long, he's plating a dish of eggs and chicken and vegetables, and pouring Yuzuru a glass of juice and another of ice water. "Should I bring this into the front room, then?" 

⚯

In the living space, sprawled across the couch, Yuzuru looks up from his ipod and smiles his thanks. He's tired, but sits up right away, accepting the glass of water and draining it in one go. The juice he has to be more sparing with, since it's got so much fruit sugar in it, but in moderation, it's a good addition to the nutritional content of the meal he's requested.

"Yeah," he answers, turning to peer over the back of the couch when Nathan walks back into the kitchen to retrieve Yuzuru's meal. "And don't forget your own, I'm not starting without you~ You can put it in a glass, and use a straw if you like. Hmm. Or not? I don't know if you like straws. Do you? Do your fangs get in the way of them?"

Nathan's half-way back into the kitchen to grab Yuzuru's plate when he pauses. The order crawls down his back and he looks over his shoulder, frowning. He turns slowly, maybe even a bit jerkily, and circles the couch so he can hand the plate of food to Yuzuru directly. From this angle, he can meet Yuzuru's eyes. 

"I... Already ate today." He says, hesitantly. He's not trying to argue, he's not trying to completely ignore the order. But the fact that he's deferring it at all, considering the wider implications of what Yuzuru had told him to do, and why, is making him feel unsettled.

But he needs to understand this more. 

Yuzuru takes his food, pauses to appreciate its smell - even if he's in the middle of a conversation, he can be polite with his body language, and it  _ does _ smell amazing - and meets Nathan's confused gaze. His brow furrows, and he frowns lightly, trying to work out where the miscommunication must have occurred. When he finds it, casting all the way back to the conversation at the butcher's, his expression drops open in an 'O' of realization, and he covers his face with his palm.

"Ohhhhhh. That was Japanese. I - I did not translate for you. Oh no. I'm sorry," he continues, looking up again with a sheepishly apologetic expression that is also, resiliently, amused at the whole situation. "The butcher told me that you'd be confused. She said that in America, they say that one cup a day is enough, but that's wrong, and that two is better. She said trust her! And that you would probably fuss about it." This last, Yuzuru adds with a shamelessly beaming grin, knowing it's a bratty thing to relay, and relaying it precisely for that reason, to tease and play with Nathan.

"So you should get your dinner, okay?" Yuzuru hopes his phrasing, tone, and intention have struck the right balance of request and instruction -- he's not trying to crack a whip of command down Nathan's spine, but neither is he interested in being dissuaded from his decision.

Yuzuru explains as soon as Nathan questions him, which he does appreciate, but at the same time, the explanation is uncomfortable and unusual and Nathan just isn't sure what to do with that. He's experienced a lot of new things in the past two days, but this is... This is a fundamental difference from something Nathan has always known to be an absolute truth. 

"It  _ is _ enough." He says, with just a hint of petulance. Not enough to get him into any kind of trouble- physical or psychological- but enough to Yuzuru really does know how he feels about this. If his bond were anyone else, anyone  _ normal _ , Nathan wouldn't have dared. But this is Yuzuru, who is convinced that they're  _ human beings _ and that they deserve as much care and respect as anyone else. He's never indicated he ever wants Nathan to kowtow to him, probably never will. He wants to understand what Nathan thinks, even if sometimes what Nathan thinks is normal is really alarming and strange to Yuzuru.

Well, it goes both ways. "Okay." He says at last, turning to return to the kitchen and retrieve the requested blood. Then he pauses, because there's a certain freedom in this apartment he's never experienced before, and he wonders.... 

"Just a minute." He calls back into the living room. "I'm coming but it will take me a minute. So you should start eating before it gets cold." 

He fills a pot with water, and sets it on the stove, turning up the heat and then carefully setting the bag into the water. 

He's never eaten blood heated to an average body temperature before. But he's... Tentatively excited to try it. 

There's conflict in Nathan's face. Yuzuru expected as much, and resistance. But Nathan shows less resistance, and more curiosity, even if it's a scared sort of curiosity. Yuzuru figures he can work with that.

He starts eating, which is a good plan, he discovers, because the eggs are tasty, and he's  _ way _ hungrier than he'd realized. He's about three quarters through his plate when Nathan comes back into the room, carrying a blood bag and looking...nervously excited? Nervous about being excited.

Yuzuru sniffs the air as Nathan sits down in the chair next to him. There's a thick scent, hot and metallic, which Yuzuru figures must be the blood. Nathan's holding the bag with both hands, and he leans forward around it as he sits, though Yuzuru's pretty sure he's not doing so consciously.

"I know it's weird, changing everything like this." Yuzuru speaks quietly, taking his time between bites of egg. He doesn't look at Nathan - at the television, or into the middle distance. He doesn't want to make Nathan feel too cornered. Yuzuru's already got the advantage over Nathan in almost every conceivable way. There's no way he wants to make it worse.

"I appreciate everything you're doing for me. I really hope you can feel more comfortable in the future."

"--Oh! and I hope your dinner tastes good~."

⚯

It doesn't really take long at all for the hot water bath to heat the blood up to a nice even hundred degrees Fahrenheit - a little bit warmer than average human body temperature, but then again, it's not human blood. 

Pleased with the experiment, and hoping Yuzuru will be pleased with him too, he wraps a dish towel around the wet bag and carries it into the front room, sitting down in a chair instead of right beside Yuzuru. 

He doesn't realize he's sort of got his shoulders hunched up, curling protectively around his food. It's not really a reflex or habit he realized he had- though admittedly, meals before Yuzuru were always hasty affairs, dealt out and dealt with and moved on from. Not... pointed, like this. 

Nathan does the same as he did earlier in the day, tearing a corner of the bag open with one fang, and then tentatively sipping at the warmed blood. It's surprisingly pleasant, and he looks up at Yuzuru as he speaks with a little smile, a little more reddened than he'd let Yuzuru see before. Yuzuru isn't looking  _ at _ him, though, so it's fine. "I know I've been a little difficult today. I'm sorry. It is all very new for me, and new for you too." He takes another sip, and lets out a contented hum that he hopes Yuzuru hears  _ and _ understands. "You're a very good bond. Thank you for being patient with me." 

In glances, Yuzuru sees that Nathan's lips are a bit reddened as he eats, on the inside curve. He recalls Rafael's laughter - _ "Our Nathan is a very tidy eater" _ \- and smiles softly. It's been only a day since that embarrassment, but it doesn't sting anymore, because Yuzuru understands now why it was funny to Rafael in the first place. Now he understands so much more about Nathan, as a vampire and as a person, and about the reality of having a 'domestic', than he did 24 hours ago. Things that the books and online information just didn't even mention, much less teach him how to respond to.

"I wouldn't say you're been difficult at all," Yuzuru reassures Nathan, sitting back from his plate, now nearly empty. " _ Anyone _ would be uneasy when everything about their life changes. But you don't complain, you just keep going. To be honest, a lot has changed for me recently too, but it's been comforting to me to focus on helping you with your life changes." He chuckles, self-effacing. "It's helped to make mine feel less insurmountable."

"So, I'm glad you find me a good bond. I mean, we're both pretty new at this! But as long as we make sense to each other, and are each what the other needs, I believe we'll do well."

"I know you don't really feel comfortable issuing orders." Nathan says, voice soft but maybe more blunt than is strictly necessary. He's feeling very comfortable, very sleepy and at ease. He's quite sure it has to do with how much more than usual he's currently eating. But Yuzuru clearly wasn't going to budge on the second meal, and, for obvious reasons, he'd rather not force Yuzuru to make him do something so trivial.

Almost to prove the point, he takes another sip and dwells on it a bit before swallowing, carefully cleaning his lips, and continuing. 

"I want to do whatever I can to make your changes easier. Not just the changes that have to do with me becoming a part of your life. Whatever I can do... However I can help." He nods firmly. "Please, tell me. Don't feel like you have to order me to help. I think... I think we can reach a point where you don't have to." 

He blinks slowly, sleepily, and turns to look at Yuzuru with a sheepish smile, fangs heavy. "I think I'm more tired than I thought." 

Nathan's body language has changed, shifted into something Yuzuru hasn't seen before. It's looser, less staid. Maybe less nervous?

Confusingly, this isn't straightforwardly reassuring. As Nathan speaks, Yuzuru is uncomfortably aware of his fangs - were they always so long? Are they only that long when he's eating, whether or not it's from flesh?

Shit. Yuzuru recoils from  _ that _ thought even more quickly, and fixes his attention on the conversation. Just the conversation.

"That sounds wonderful," Yuzuru agrees, leaning back in his seat, melting into the soft support of the couch. "I didn't know if that was possible, actually. If it would  _ hurt _ you to not get orders, to have conversations instead? I tried to look it up online, but that was another thing the internet really didn't have much information about. Plenty of people talking about whether you should be ordered around or not, but almost nothing about the science of it. Which seems very backwards to me. The science ought to guide the practice, wouldn't you think?"

He sighs, brought down by thinking too much about stupid opinions on the internet.

"I really don't  _ like _ giving people orders anyway. Any kind of people. Instructions are fine, but not orders, orders feel like... Like I think I'm a more important person than someone else. I'm not." Yuzuru pauses. He drains his glass of juice and sits back again, gaze focused somewhen outside the current moment. 

"I'm really,  _ really _ not."

It happens again, but Nathan feels it coming this time. Maybe his senses are spiked with the surplus of blood, maybe the bond is just settling into its stride, maybe he's just primed to notice it now that it's happened before. Whatever the reason, a moment before Yuzuru mentally exits the current moment, Nathan can feel it coming, like air rushing before a slamming door.

He slides out of his seat, not quite scrambling- mindful to cinch his hand closed around the empty top of his half-finished meal- but needing suddenly to close the physical distance between them. He doesn't quite get his mental foot in the door, but he reaches to cover Yuzuru's hand with his free one. 

Then he stops, caught out without knowing the right thing to say. He lets out a slow breath. After a moment of silence, he gives in and settles on the loudest and most honest thought, because really, it's all he has.

"You are to me." 

Yuzuru blinks. Jerks back into the room, into the now, into Nathan's hand on his, Nathan ungracefully crouch-kneeling before him. 

Nathan tells Yuzuru something simple, a statement of belief that's both impossible and completely predictable, and Yuzuru starts crying. His hand turns in Nathan's, rotating so he can return the grip - but much more tightly. With his free hand, he brushes tears from his lashes as fast as they can fall, hiccuping in little unhappy whimpers as he cries.

Well, that wasn't the reaction Nathan was hoping for, obviously, but he has to admit he's not surprised. It's been a big full day for both of them, full of new experiences and new sensations and adjusting to their new connection, which is no more familiar to either of them, but at least Nathan had an idea of what it would be like. He'd always been lacking something, there was a hole in his life that by his nature needed to be filled. For Yuzuru, for any human, they were complete on their own, and now Yuzuru feels responsible for another person, and he's still very young for a human. Of course he's overwhelmed. 

Luckily, this isn't the first time Yuzuru has cried in front of him, either. Nathan absently sticks his blood bag into Yuzuru's empty juice glass, then uses his now freed hand to reach up, cupping the back of his neck and guiding Yuzuru's face into the slope of his shoulder. 

"I'm sorry." He hums. "I'm so sorry." 

Nathan's hand on his neck, his scent, his strong supportive shoulder against Yuzuru's brow, soft soothing shushings in his ear... Yuzuru melts into these comforts, hiccuping harder as his sobs grow more irregular. Sniffling, he tries to pull back, wiping tears from his eyes with the knuckles of his first and second fingers, making an effort to compose himself. This works for a few seconds. Maybe. As soon as he hears Nathan's soft soothing noise start up again, a second wave of crying begins.

It's probably ten minutes before Yuzuru's able to pull back from Nathan's embrace, brush the tears from his eyes, and not immediately start crying again. He feels scooped out and hollow, like an avocado skin, or a scallop shell.

"Nathan..."

Yuzuru's voice is scratchy, hoarse, and his accent is thick- slurring the center of Nathan's name into a sibilant S- when he pulls away, leaving a damp spot on Nathan's shirt and a hollow feeling in Nathan's chest.

He stays still for a moment, keeping one hand entwined with Yuzuru's, the other gently cradling the side of his neck. He breathes through, hoping to help calm them both. Yuzuru seems so lost and young suddenly, and Nathan feels bitter guilt staining the edges of his thoughts.  _ You did this. Now fix it.  _

Yuzuru had cried before, brought to tears by what he perceived as grave mistreatment to Nathan's kind. Nathan had comforted him then. Not too long after that, though, Yuzuru had instead become angry and requested to be left alone. 

Is this pattern going to repeat again?

Nathan shifts his hand to brush away some of the tears he missed, then to push Yuzuru's hair out of his eyes so he can meet his gaze.

Swallowing once, he speaks softly, choking around charged words, his every instinct telling him he has no right to make such a demand. 

"Please. Tell me what you need." 

Nathan's hands are gentle, tenderly brushing his tears away, brushing his hair from his eyes, in a way that reminds Yuzuru of his mother's touch. Abruptly Yuzuru misses her, so intensely and deeply that it's a physical ache. She's been with him through everything. And if he's honest, he still wants her by his side.

But it's better for his family, her included, that she rejoin them. With Nathan here, Yuzuru will be looked after in every way.

When Yuzuru opens his eyes, his teary gaze meeting Nathan's worried one, he feels the tightness in his chest lighten. Not all the way, but distinctly, and he breathes deeply just to test that theory. The freedom remains, and the sheer relief of that feeling is an almost tangible emotion.

"I...I want to turn off my brain for a while," Yuzuru answers, feeling so exhausted that honesty, and impractical honesty at that, flow from him freely. "I don't know how to do that again. Um. Safely, that is."

In words, Yuzuru's request seems at first to be alarming. Nathan isn't entirely sure what he means by 'turn my brain off', but if it's anything like the gaping hole that opens up in Nathan's chest every time Yuzuru gets caught in his thoughts and closes away, he doesn't like it. 

But, Yuzuru isn't asking him to go away. He can still feel him, the torrent of emotions is varied but the flood seems to be ebbing, and Yuzuru is here, right now, in Nathan's grip and in his blood, and that... that's okay. Nathan can deal with that. 

"Alright." He whispers soothingly, smoothing his hand through Yuzuru's hair again. "Okay.'' 

He stands slowly then, circles to one side, and with very little effort but as much gentleness as he can muster, he lifts Yuzuru into his arms. 

He carries Yuzuru into his bedroom, and cradling Yuzuru against his chest, trusts his bond to hold onto him so he can free one hand to pull his blanket down. 

Settling Yuzuru down, knowing he should probably undress but telling himself he'll just wash the bedding in the morning, he tucks the blankets snuggly around him, and then kneels beside the bed. 

"You can sleep now. Just, before you do, can you tell me where that stamp is kept?" 

Face half-pressed into his pillow, Yuzuru exhales, and it feels to him like the weight of all his fears, all his guilt and insufficiencies, every popped jump and every fall on the Sochi ice -- it all lifts away from him. In the absence of all that weight, he draws a breath, and it's almost, almost actually effortless.

Yuzuru blinks slowly, his exhaustion from crying turning quickly to sleepiness in the soft comfort of his bed, and reaches for Nathan's hand. With his fingers hooked into the curl of Nathan's, Yuzuru feels like maybe he's going to be able to manage, after all.

"The stamp?"

Nathan takes Yuzuru's hand as soon as he reaches, threading their fingers together and then covering both with his other hand.

This is good. This is right. Nathan has spent his entire life training to be able to care for anyone, no matter what kind of care they need. Yuzuru is very special, and Nathan's pretty sure he doesn't just think that because of the bond. 

"The stamp. You said I'd need it to sign for the packages." 

"Oh. The hanko." Yuzuru furrows his brow and concentrates. "It's in my desk." He points across the room, to the simple student's desk against the wall, but returns his hand to Nathan's grasp as soon as his meaning is conveyed. 

"In the second drawer. It's a little, um, it's a column? Like a lipstick. The ink pad is with it."

Nathan nods encouragingly, sure he'll be able to find the object in question. He lets Yuzuru keep hold of his hands, squeezing a bit and stroking his fingers along the length of Yuzuru's. 

"I'll sign for the packages. I'll take care of everything. Okay? Don't worry. You can go to sleep now. I'll be here. You're safe."

He's not entirely sure where these words are coming from, but he hopes that Yuzuru will find them comforting. 

Yuzuru does eventually fall off to sleep. Nathan stays with him a little while longer, just wanting to hold on to this Iittle bit of peace. Then he carefully extricates his hand from Yuzuru's grip, and confidently goes about cleaning up- finishing the meal he'd left half done, washing and putting away the dishes from making Yuzuru's dinner. 

When it's finally time for him to get some sleep, he ignores the room that's supposedly to be for him, and instead returns to the futon in Yuzuru's room. It feels right to be beside him. 

⚯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a reader came into my DMs on twitter this week, and told me they like my writing. they took that effort just to let me know my - *our* - writing was seen, was appreciated.
> 
> they told me their favorite series is the _live with me forever_ series, and i wish i could have updated that one right away to thank them. but the update for that one is still in production, so here is a chapter of sweet(ish) domestic vampires as a thank you.
> 
> thank you, reader. you made my week. i hope i can make yours.
> 
> thank you, all you other readers. i hope that you're having a great day. say hi if you like. i'd like that.
> 
> next update should be up relatively soon.  
thank you for reading.  
\- c & c


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